You'll get nothing and like it

Out of nowhere my estranged mother e-mailed me this photo of her mother (upper right) and her siblings – the three women I knew (my grandmother Edith and her sisters Peggy and Helen), her brother John I never met, maybe he died before I was born…?  I guess a cousin of my mother’s sent it to her via Facebook so she forwarded it on to me.  I put it on my Facebook page and someone commented that people who lived through the depression were tough, and this is so true.  My grandmother definitely belonged to the “you’ll get nothing and like it” generation.  Which I felt an appropriate opener for the whiny, self-pitying post I’m about to write.

So I had one of those days yesterday that just made me laugh because it was all about the universe trying to tell me my life sucks and everyone else’s is SO GREAT when I know this isn’t true.  My day started with the lady who runs the event my band is playing in Seattle a couple of weeks from now calling to firm up details – and mentioning that she’s “sold out” and everything’s going great.  Now, I don’t know what “sold out” means, and I didn’t ask (most event planners are reluctant to admit their actual numbers to their competitors), but I sure was curious.  I remember a few years ago she was contemplating canceling the event entirely because it was so poorly attended – now she’s “sold out” (and I have been there recently and yes, it is very well attended).  I know just from her Groupon that she sold 800 tickets to her opening night.  My event is two years older than hers, and I am barely clinging to my attendees by the end of my fingernails.  How is her event thriving and mine is barely hanging on?  What is she doing that I’m not?  Is there anything I can do about it?  It’s maddening, because I can’t blame the economy for my “meh” numbers when this plus a couple of other events are doubling their attendance every year.  It certainly puts the fear of god in me, I’ll tell you that.

THEN I went to see “Bridesmaids” with the bride who’s wedding I was in in March and…the other bridesmaids.  The movie was ok, entertaining enough.  But did I mention  the elaborate music video/wedding video we shot all during the wedding that then went viral and has been all over every website and TV show for the last few weeks, even having the gushing bride and groom interviewed on various talk shows about their fairy tale wedding?  I even get RECOGNIZED for being in this video by people who don’t know the bride or groom, that’s how popular it is.  I had hoped that by the time I got to the pre-“Bridesmaids” dinner late that all discussion about how amazingly popular their wedding video has become would be over…but no.  Nope, that’s all we talked about.  I had to endure a year of non-stop discussion and participation in this wedding, and now that it’s been over for two months I still have to participate in it.  Oh, that, and the bride showing me on her phone photos of the unbelievably fabulous 4 bedroom 2 bath Craftsman home she and her new husband are planning on buying – for $775,000.  All I can say is if this chick gets pregnant before me I am seriously going to start punching holes in walls.

Now you know this is all in good humor and I don’t really resent my friend or begrudge her her happiness.  But it sure is hard to be a single woman, running your own business, always worried about money, trying to have a baby on your own and worrying about all the implications of that, when your friend seems to have everything handed to her on a silver platter, and get all the things you know you’ll probably never get in your life (fabulous husband, fabulous house).  Once again, sometimes it really does feel like good things only happen to other people.  I know this isn’t true, but let me wallow in this for a moment, would you?  One thing I loved about “Bridesmaids” was the depiction of jealousy and competitiveness among women.  As you know this is a favorite topic of mine, and something I experience a lot personally!  However, when I got home I watched the psychotic premier episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” and that cheered me up considerably. 

Anyway that was my day yesterday.  In the meantime I am sitting around waiting for good ol’ Aunt Flo to show up so I can start Femara, and have taken on this bizarre paranoia that I’m going to get my period super early for some reason and it will screw up my next three cycles (due to travel, event, etc).  But so far so good – every day I don’t get it I take as a personal triumph.  I should get it around Saturday, I hope.  If I get it when I’m scheduled to this will also dispel the myth that my ovulation happened early this month, so we can rule that out as a possible “what went wrong” for May.

In the meantime, I like my life because it’s mine and it’s all on my own terms.  So, I guess there’s something to be said for that!