Un date-able

Last night I went to see a stage production of “Kiss Me, Kate” which was mindless good fun, especially the number “I Hate Men”.  This has kind of been my mantra lately.  And you know it all comes from just pure jealousy, anger at being rejected, and sadness.  I don’t really hate men.  But I have to admit every time I see some hipster guy on the street who appears to be under 40 the first thing that pops into my head is “douche!”  And the sad thing is, I hate to tell you this – most of those guys probably are douchebags.

There’s a great Louis CK bit where he talks about being old and fat and not caring when beautiful young women walk by anymore.  When he was younger he’d try to suck in his gut and look cool, but now he just mentally gives them the finger and thinks, “you can go off and f*ck some other guy – I’ll jerk off to you later and probably have a better time.”  This is how I feel now when I see young hot guys.  I just think “F you.  You never wanted me anyway, what does it matter if I shave my legs or wear cool hipster outfits or get a cool haircut?”

Lately some friends have been talking about setting me up, and I just tell them, “I’m retired.”  They have NO idea what I have in store for them!  And I personally couldn’t possibly start dating someone with this single parent plan in mind – well, of course if he were someone completely AMAZING who amazingly didn’t mind I was trying to have a baby with a stranger’s donated sperm and who would hold my hand through the whole process, then, sure.  But considering my entire history with men since the 1990’s has been men saying “this has been fun, let’s get together again,” and then never calling, somehow I don’t see Mr. Amazing in my future.  I often comfort myself with the thought that, you know, even if I were married, I still wouldn’t be ovulating.  So no matter what I’d still be going through all this infertility crap.

I had a funny experience this week.  There’s this guy I’ve known about 20 years who I’ve always had a little crush on.  I’m not sure what his story is; I think he’s one of these “confirmed bachelor” types – he’s in his late 40s, never been married, and I think never really dated anyone that I’ve seen.  He’s just one of these nerdy, shy types who just never really got off the bench (I seriously doubt he’s gay – although I do think he must have serious emotional issues that prevent him from dating).  I tried to hit on him a couple of times but he didn’t respond at all so I gave up.  So he mentioned he was playing “Words With Friends” on his Iphone, so I whipped mine out and asked what his username was so I could start a game (I’m addicted to this).  He gave me a username and I initiated a game.  Then a few minutes later he tells me he made a mistake, this isn’t his username.  So now I’m playing Scrabble with a complete stranger.  I don’t know why, but this freaks me out.  I only play with friends.  I wonder what this person thinks – who the heck am I?  But they’re playing with me anyway.  Here’s the funny thing, though – my friend just thought it was funny that I was stuck playing a game with a stranger, and never initiated a game with me to make me feel better or to make up for the fact that he gave me the wrong name and now I’m stuck in this awkward position.  Maybe this sounds petty to you, but to me it said a lot about his character.  If it were me I would start a game with the person to show I meant well.  But he just doesn’t give a shit.  Why?  Because he’s been alone for 47+ years, is selfish as hell, and just doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings.  He’s not a candidate for a relationship, ever.  I can’t even imagine being married to someone like that.  He’d be the kind of person that would finish dinner before you and get up and go do something else while you sit there alone staring at the wall; he’d get out of the car and start walking away while you were still getting your stuff together; he’d always do those little things that say “I come first”.  A long time ago I realized despite my silly crush that this person is totally un date-able.  My little Words with Friends experience only confirmed this for me.  At least some stranger is nice enough to play with me.