Theo is twelve

We celebrated Theo’s birthday at a conveyor belt sushi place in a Japanese market in Gardena last night, followed by cake at home and the big reveal of the boys’ new mountain bikes, which Bobby seemed a lot more excited about. Getting, and assembling, and getting the accessories and bike rack for these bikes was an endless and exhausting scramble (mostly on the part of the H) and all cost well over $1000 which explains why we haven’t done it until now. Thankfully the H is on a new health kick and wants to start exercising, plus we want the kids to have something else to do in the desert, so now’s the time. I will not be joining them, not yet. I’m afraid of getting hurt and prefer walking, thank you very much. But now that the H has free weekends, it’s the perfect thing for them to head out and bike. I’m thrilled that they’re all getting off screens and getting some fresh air.

I unexpectedly got notice this week that Theo finally made it into the gifted program for next year! Hooray! So that’s years of worry gone in an instant. Honestly, I probably had nothing to worry about - LAUSD has been losing students for years due to declining birth rates, and Theo had 19 points in contrast to the minimum required of 8. But it’s a relief to know he’s settled in to Bobby’s school for next year; he’s already picked his classes and done a tour of the school. I asked the boys if they’d be interested in possibly taking the public bus home next year - it picks up right in front of the school and drops off just a few blocks away from home. They seemed apprehensive but willing. I’m not so sure I want them starting out on public transportation quite yet; the buses in LA are gnarly, since everyone drives - the only people on buses are people who can’t drive for a variety of reasons, some benign, some not so much. But I feel like with a stop right in front of the school that it’ll be mostly students, anyway, and as long as they’re together it should be fine. I feel sort of like when I got them started walking home from school - they might have been a little too young, but they needed to have a little responsibility and freedom. I told them I was never driven to or from school a single day of my life; I always either walked, took a school bus, or public transportation when I started high school (which Bobby will this fall). Anyway. It’s just a thought. 

I feel like, with admission to the gifted magnet finally, that this is Theo’s time to shine. He’s a smart, industrious kid, who always gets glowing reports from his teachers, and I feel like he’s gotten the short end of the stick the last couple of years. I guess being a younger sibling myself, I’m aware of how left behind they get - always getting the hand-me-downs, always having experiences second, never being prioritized. I try not to do that with these kids, but unfortunately a certain amount of prioritizing the older kid just has to happen - everything about their life is a first for you, too, which means you’ll make more mistakes with your first but they’ll also get the focus (and anxiety). Luckily, Theo seems mostly impervious to this dynamic - he’s a completely different personality from Bobby and has always seemed determined to do things his own way and not stand in his brother’s shadow. I know he can rise to the challenge of all honors classes and a tougher work load at school, although I expect a certain learning curve at the beginning of 7th. 

For now, spring is springing everywhere, and I can sense a feeling of winding down. Kids are working on their final projects and performances at school, and everyone is looking toward graduation and spring break. It’s odd to think of leaving elementary school behind for good - certain things like participating as a parent and take home projects are largely behind us now. I probably won’t be getting to know any fellow parents anymore, or spending any time on campus, or getting to know any teachers, or helping with homework. A lot of these things I’m not going to miss - I did them, I’m done with it - but it is strange to think of these things being over FOREVER.

Birthday month

We’re just back from two weekends in a row out in the desert. I have to say, going out this weekend probably wasn’t the best idea. Despite all our efforts, entertaining the kids out there still proves to be challenging. They don’t want to play outside because it’s always too hot or too cold or too windy or too sunny; we break down and let them bring devices but the batteries run out or the hot spots from our phones are too spotty; we bring tons of board games and card games but they never want to play with any of them. Our next attempt is mountain bikes for their birthdays which are currently hidden around the back of the house. I’m hoping they’ll want to ride bikes around there, but I can see them not wanting to do that, either - the sand could be challenging, it could be too hot, and I personally worry about them inadvertently going on other people’s property (there’s no fences anywhere, so who’s to know?). Sandboarding is great but it’s an all-day adventure and not something we can do every time we go out (and certainly not right now with Theo’s ankle still healing - he was on crutches about five days and is currently still on the mend). 

This particular visit was one of our lesser ones - we went to the car show, but the kids had no interest in it, and as I had feared, the whole thing was a little too MAGA-coded for my taste (let’s just say one confederate flag was too many for me). So we didn’t spend much time there. Then made the mistake of going to a marine bar late for dinner, which was way rowdier and scarier than I would ever want us to be subject to. The food was decent, so next time it’s 9 and we want dinner and everything’s closed maybe I’ll just sent the H over there to pick some stuff up for us and bring it back to the cabin. The kids and I were stressed out from it - a lot of yelling and swearing and cigarette smoke in our faces, just awful - so we vowed NEVER AGAIN. And our water tank pump inexplicably broke so no showers for us. Good times. At least next time we go out it’ll be spring break and a totally different vibe. 

The whole world is on edge after our dipshit so-called President started a war with Iran last Friday night as we were driving out there. It’s been really hard to not fall into apocalyptic catastrophizing - and also just anxious, intrusive thoughts in general, especially regarding the kids and their safety. At this moment I’m really glad both kids are years too young for the draft. 

Speaking of ages, it’s birthday month, with Theo turning twelve on Friday and Bobby fourteen eleven days later. Right now they’re a portrait in childhood stages - Theo still pre-pubescent with his little kid voice and little kid priorities (couldn’t care less about his clothes or appearance or haircuts or cleanliness) and Bobby now towering over us and obsessed with all of those things, in particular his (as I call them) pantalones gigantes. He’s a pretty stylish kid, years from where I was at his age; but then again, I was infinitely poorer. The idea of buying new clothes was almost unheard of - everything was from the Salvation Army - so I early learned to not even try to keep up with my rich little private school friends and instead just embrace being quirky and an oddball. But Bobby can actually keep up with his peers (the only difference being I insist on buying him band shirts, MY favorite bands, which I keep waiting for him to get sick of), and also it’s a bit easier now because kids pretty much wear pyjamas to school on the regular, something that would have been unheard of 40 years ago. There’s zero individuality or style - every kid at his school from 7th-12th grade wears giant jeans or sweatpants or pyjama pants and plain solid color t shirts and hoodies. How incredibly boring. You would think having access to the internet would make kids more creative, not less. Yet here we are. 

I keep wondering when the puberty bomb will hit Theo and morph him into a completely different person the way it did Bobby. I don’t remember exactly when that happened to Bobby, but I know it was when he was around 12. And I know Theo, too, will be lost to us for a few years as he folds into himself and barely grunts or makes eye contact, always on the verge of being rude but never quite, and I just play along knowing this is temporary and that his true self has yet to emerge. It’s still hard to picture two giant, low-voiced teenagers stomping around this tiny house with their giant shoes like bulls in a china shop. But I’m just a year or two away from that. In just three months they both graduate from their respective school situations - elementary and middle - never to return. Theo has been directed to select his 7th grade classes even though we don’t know if he’s been admitted to the gifted magnet or not; he followed my advice and went with all honors (yay). It makes me feel a little better that even if he isn’t admitted to the gifted magnet he still has access to higher-level learning. I once again floated the idea of the boys taking the public bus home once they’re at the same school again, freeing me from daily pick ups, and they seemed tentatively interested. We’ll see how that goes come fall (maybe).

For now, we have two more birthday nights out at restaurants and cake (I’ve put my diet on pause for March), and it’s a three-week countdown to spring break. I have to lean into my business a bit coming up, and am also trying to schedule volunteering and/or political action every week. All while just hoping the whole world doesn’t fall apart in the meantime.