Five weeks (well, really three weeks)

It still kind of cracks me up that you automatically get a couple of weeks added on to your pregnancy just because that’s how doctors date you – from the day of your last period, not the day you conceived.  So really I’m three weeks today.  But I’ll take that extra two weeks, thank you very much.

Woke up nauseated as hell this morning, so I guess everything is a-ok!  Never thought I’d be happy to feel ill.  I hear this a lot on the internet from women in my position.  As usual managed it with water and rice cakes.  I’ll admit today is all about counting down the moments.  Why a miscarriage a day after the point of my miscarriage last time would somehow feel better to me, I don’t know – I truly feel if I make it through today that somehow everything will be ok.  Talking to a friend last night currently in her second trimester who had a loss on the day of the 5 week mark like I did, she said she felt the same way – a lot of anxiety surrounding hitting that mark again, and then once it was over it was all downhill.  I hope this is how it goes for me – if I can feel this ok (kind of sick but no big deal) and have a healthy, progressing zygote, that’s all I ask.  Doesn’t sound like much, but in the scheme of things I suppose it is.

I’m still getting a kick out of the memory of the two couples I told about all this during my event – I told my #1 helper guy and his girlfriend who helped me load up the van on Thursday, and then another couple who helped unload on Monday.  Here are my favorite things about telling people:

That look of “um…who has she been dating that we don’t know about?  Was it that guy that time – no, that was a year ago, wasn’t it?  That doesn’t make sense…”

The odd hesitation as they find a way to politely ask who the dad is, if I’m “doing it on my own”, etc

The look of utter shock in general

When I told my bandleader and his wife last month, her first comment was, “well, as long as it’s not his!”  Ha ha ha!  Awesome.  I love that because I’m not in a relationship, it’s the last thing people expect to hear from me – had I gotten married a year ago or something, if I mention I’m not feeling well or can’t lift things, that would be the first thing everyone would think is pregnancy; because I’m single it’s the last thing people think.  There’s a certain anonymity and freedom in that – I can be as sick or weird as I want, nobody, but nobody, will think, “maybe she’s pregnant!”  And I do love to shock people, and hopefully I’ll get to do a lot more of that in the next few months.  The looks on their faces is priceless.  And the awkwardness.  I love the awkwardness!