Goodbye, June

I don’t mind admitting I’m thrilled to see the back of this month.  Mainly because every time I click over to my WTE app the first thing that comes up is my month in fertility, with green days for fertile days and red days for period days, with June 1^st, the day of my successful IUI, being labeled as “most likely to ovulate”, with the due date in the notes.  Also I had been in the habit of taking today’s date and subtracting 1 from it to see how many dpo I was; can’t wait for that to reset.  So, goodbye June, hello July!

What a whirlwind of a month it was.  Unexpected IUI on June 1^st, followed by BFP, followed by miscarriage.  All in just 22 days!  I’m still recovering from the drama of all this.

In the meantime I have a wild hair up my ass.  This is all just a fantasy, but I’ll tell you because I know you won’t judge me.  So as much as I know I really need to wait until my next period shows up, take the Femara, and be responsible…there’s a big part of me that wants to run a little experiment this month.  Right now I am already starting to get early signs of ovulation.  If I get the CM, I’m going to start temping and see if I have a day of cramping like I did last time.  If I do, I’m going to see if the clinic will humor me and run an ultrasound for me.  I don’t see why not, since I pay out of pocket for it.  Is it worth $200 just to be told “no, you’re not ovulating” or “you’re ovulating but the lining isn’t good yet”?  Honestly – it kind of is!  I want to know if as is the old wives’ tale I am actually more fertile after a m/c; if my body has learned to ovulate on its own and I don’t need Femara anymore.  Nothing would make me happier than to move on from this whole experience and have something new to look forward to.  So I will monitor myself the next week or so, and if no cramping, then I won’t bother.  But if I do get cramping then I might just see if they can squeeze me in – I’m just curious.  If nothing then I can wait another month and try with the Femara + hcg shot again in August.

It did occur to me, too, that I can up my chances of success the next time by adding in some injectibles.  If this is potentially my last IUI then it might be worthwhile to bring out the big guns and produce more eggs, rather than assume the one egg I produce will be viable, which at my age it may not.  That’s worth considering.

Again, thanks everyone for the lovely comments on my last two posts.  I sure hope I end up being one of those success stories that inspire people, as so many of your blogs have become for me.