Push/Pull

Had a decent night last night, whew! The one thing I did different was really commit to his feeds - instead of doing this sort of half assed side lying feed thing for hours on end, instead sat up and used the Breast Friend and made sure he really fed well for at least fifteen minutes each side. He was still a little fussy when putting him down to sleep, but he did at least sleep. Did my change in attitude make it a better night? Maybe not. But I can pretend it did.

A milestone today - the belly button stump fell off! It's still a little messy but the nasty hard bit came off when I changed him in the morning. They grow up so fast!

My Mom Guru friend and I were talking about how funny babies are, especially around breast feeding. Mine gets so excited at the sight of an advancing nipple that he almost hyper ventilates; or he cries and turns bright red until I shove it in his mouth and then he immediately switches into contented mode and makes little happy sounds. I often wake up with his finger up my nose or with his unruly arms smacking me in the face. As much as part of me can't wait to watch him develop and grow, part of me wishes he could just stay like this forever - tiny and squishy and innocent and just wanting to be held. It's that old push/pull of parenthood - it's my job to prepare him for the world and make him independent, yet I don't want to let go (for the record I still sleep with my hand around his head. Just can't help it right now). My Doula Friend told me when they cut her daughter's cord, the midwife said, "she's on her own now." I thought about that when the stump fell off today - that last thing connecting him to me, to the birth experience, is gone. I'm so glad I get eighteen more years with him. It's going to fly by.