Crossing Over

Today I went on a brief hike (a walk, really) with a friend. I never know if I should be resting my poor battered perineum or not - every time I put the baby in the carrier I feel a lot of pressure in that area and I worry I'm stalling my healing - but then again every time I sneeze or blow my nose it doesn't feel so great, either. I've accepted it's just going to be a while before all the pain in that area is resolved.

It's hard to believe two weeks ago today I was a couple of hours into chemically-induced labor, having no idea how bad it was going to get. I still get pretty weepy and weirded out when I picture myself just a short time ago, happy and pregnant - the word I keep thinking is "innocent".

Which brings me to a new sort of feeling - a feeling like I've "crossed over". I really do feel like I walked over a lake of fire to get here - and there's no going back. I've crossed over from the land of girl to mother. I kind of feel like that scene in Thelma and Louise where Thelma says she feels awake - really awake. I've experienced a major life event, and I'm a richer person for it.

In the meantime, the boy blissfully sleeps away, as he should. That's all he needs to worry about right now.