I admit it, I’ve been a real slob lately. Before I could use the illness as an excuse, but being as it is *almost* gone now, I really can’t justify my lousy habits other than just that – they’ve become a habit. My sleep patterns are just terrible; I stay up half the night watching documentaries on Netflix on my computer, then wake up many, many times during the night, then sleep half the day because I didn’t get any sleep the night before. I would love to blame the pregnancy for this, but honestly I do this a lot, especially at this time of year when my event is over and there isn’t much for me to do. So, it’s just me, being lazy because I can, putting everything off until the last minute, and only doing the bare minimum. I keep up with my e-mail (sort of), keep dishes out of the sink, shower, walk the dog, keep clothes clean & put away, keep food in the house, feed the chickens, pick up the mail, pay bills, and…that’s pretty much it.
Part of me recognizes, though, that this is the last time I will ever be able to live like this. After March – only six months from now – this kind of life will be but a vague memory. I will be a slave to a baby, then chasing after a toddler, then getting a kid ready for school for twelve + years. Am I up for all that? To be honest, I don’t really know; but I do know I will rise to the occasion because I will have no choice. It’s cool. I’m ready for it. Once the kid is in school I might be able to indulge in the occasional afternoon nap.
Nausea is starting to pass, although it’s still there; kind of a thin film that follows me around all day. Still, my eating patterns have changed – I am able to cook now, which is wonderful, and eat full meals, which also means I don’t have to eat every hour on the hour to keep from feeling sick (I used to wake up in the middle of the night and eat something because I’d feel sick). The new thing is weird stretchy abdomen feelings. Been kept up a couple of nights because of achy pains that feel a bit like gas pains in my right side, and I feel sharp pains when I stand up quickly or move a certain way. Apparently this is all perfectly normal, however. I still don’t look pregnant – just bloated. But I find I can’t suck my gut in, so something must be happening down there. I am looking forward to having a belly, I’ll admit. However I’m not looking forward to strangers giving me unsolicited advice or *gasp* touching me. Hopefully my usual standoffish nature will prevent a lot of that from happening.
Been reading about this call for infertility coverage on a lot of blogs and of course I’m all for it. I never delved much into the healthcare system until I started this whole process – the insurance I had before I pretty much never used, but of course now I’m in doctor’s offices all the time, and have been pretty surprised by what I’ve learned about our system. I noticed a lot of emphasis on free birth control, abortions, etc, all things to prevent babies, but absolutely nothing if you want to have a baby and it’s not just happening like magic. Seems like kind of a double standard there, doesn’t it? It must be that the prevailing attitude is that people who seek out fertility treatments are somehow doing this “electively”, as if having children is something people do on a whim of vanity like liposuction. The fact that the first thing I was asked when I went in for my very first prenatal visit was “are you planning on terminating?” says where the priorities are in this country. It’s kind of disturbing, but I understand unfortunately that a lot of single women who go to their doctor right after a positive pregnancy test may, in fact, be planning on terminating. And I’m pro-choice and all, but seriously?
I think of how close I would have come to never having children had this IUI not worked. Despite my earlier predictions and plans to pursue mini-IVF, the fact is I just plain don’t have the money, and I would have realized this by now. I could have done one, maybe two IUIs more and then just had to stop. Yet if there were coverage – even only partial coverage – I could have continued until I met the goal. And then there would have been another fine American to add to the tax payer pool.
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