Totally awkward

So this morning after a particularly rough night of gas and writhing and screaming (the baby, not me), and just as I was bleary-eyed cooking breakfast and wondering when I should bring in the barking dog, my doorbell rang. It was the friend that I had been trying to blow off quietly, the one who told her son my son's dad was a bad guy who had abandoned us.

She said she had come by to see why I hadn't returned her calls. I've never been so put on the spot. All I could say was that I "just felt awkward". But this clearly wasn't enough - she said she didn't see what the big deal was, that I know she didn't mean it, that she'd apologized, etc. And what does one do at that point? Start attacking someone's character to their face? Tell them you want to throw nearly twenty years of friendship down the toilet? All over one accidental comment?

So I didn't know what to say. I just kept saying I feel uncomfortable now, and brought up the election and how my politics have done a complete 180 in the last couple of years and how we don't have that in common anymore, to which she unfortunately replied hers had, too. She left under the impression that we're going to hang out next week. We're not. Ugh!

I've drifted apart from friends before, but I've never been confronted to my face about it. Usually people get the hint, especially when there was an "inciting incident" like we had. It's not that I hate her or think ill of her - I just have no desire to continue this friendship, and for reasons I can't really articulate. It's just like the 8,487 men that dumped me in the past ten-fifteen years. They just didn't have any desire to see me again, period. Can't argue with that. Or maybe you can-!

Anyway, I don't know what to do, and I hate to be put in this position. I may have to send her a break up email. I loathe the idea of this. How much to reveal, how much to spare her feelings? The last time I broke up with an old friend I was downright cruel to her, just to shut the door once and for all. I don't wish to repeat that scenario.

After she left I had to hustle to clean the house before the cleaning lady showed up (I know, right? But really, I had Christmas decor scattered all over and if I didn't tidy up she wouldn't have been able to do her job). This was a new person recommended by a friend - and I think I may have solved my cleaning woes. She actually doesn't want to come down here on a regular basis because she lives too far, so said instead I can just call her whenever I need a clean (which for me might not even be every month), and only charged $80! Freakin' sweet. And now my house is clean for my Christmas party in two weeks. Huzzah.

It is always awkward sitting around while someone cleans, though. Makes me feel like a lazy, spoiled SOB. Probably didn't help that I was in fact eating Bon Bons at the time.