Last night I had yet another experience with FOMO, or, Fear Of Missing Out. A friend invited me to a special night at her dance club, and I had known about this night for some time but really didn't have any interest in going, just assuming no one I know would go and that I wouldn't have a good time. Well, she called and begged me to come, and I knew I had no other plans this weekend, so I figured I would strap the baby in the carrier and go. But it was not to be - I had one of those rare evenings where the baby just conked out early on my lap and stayed conked out. He slept from about 8 until 10, the window of opportunity for me to get dressed and go. People kept texting me asking if I was going; I contemplated waking him up and dragging his ass across town on this cold, potentially wet night, and taking him to a loud, crowded nightclub...and I just couldn't do it to him. He's still recovering from this cold, he had a doctor's appointment, the contractors have messed up our sleep and eating schedule...I just would have felt horrible doing it to him. But.
Then today I wake up and see all the pictures on FB, all the people saying what a great time they had, the numbers advertised (over 350 people, which is about 5x normal turnout for a dance event around here), and I thought about this entire weekend stretching ahead of me with nothing to do, and I felt pretty lousy.
Do I blame poor, innocent little sicky Bumpus for taking away my fun? No, of course not. The reality is had this been a couple of years ago I probably wouldn't have gone anyway and regretted it equally the next day. I just wish there was a way to guarantee having a good time - knowing well in advance that an event is worth going to, that you'll see all your friends and get some fun dances in, that it'll be worth the money you'll have to shell out on a sitter. But there's no way to predict these things.
Right now my single girlfriends are on their way up to Santa Barbara to take part in the weekend-long event that ends with my NYE singing gig on Monday night. And as mentioned I am home all weekend with no plans and nothing to do. Do I wish I was with them? Yes, until I remember what it would FEEL like to be part of that group.
On the surface, sure, it would be about the excitement of getting dressed for dances and being out of town for a few days, the relief of having something to do on New Year's Eve. It would look good on Facebook. But for me underneath would be that same maddening chant - another year gone by with no relationship and no children, another year older, another year watching all my friends get married and get pregnant. I've had many, many a miserable New Year's, even with plans, even with guys to dance with. Unless you're newly in love, New Year's is kind of bleh.
Do I think all single women spend New Year's wondering when they're ever going to meet someone and have a baby? Not necessarily, although I'd bet that thought lingers at least subconsciously. Does having had a baby take away all desire to be out having a good time with friends? Obviously not. I'm quite bitter I'm stuck at home bored while everyone else is out (looking like they're) having fun. But I blame myself for not having planned ahead. I was so focused on managing the actual night of New Year's I forgot about the weekend before. Oh well. It's cold and rainy out and I've got a fire, good movies, and fresh corn muffins. Oh, and a cute Gingy baby in a jumperoo. I have to admit that beats awkward small talk and bad dances any night.
Then today I wake up and see all the pictures on FB, all the people saying what a great time they had, the numbers advertised (over 350 people, which is about 5x normal turnout for a dance event around here), and I thought about this entire weekend stretching ahead of me with nothing to do, and I felt pretty lousy.
Do I blame poor, innocent little sicky Bumpus for taking away my fun? No, of course not. The reality is had this been a couple of years ago I probably wouldn't have gone anyway and regretted it equally the next day. I just wish there was a way to guarantee having a good time - knowing well in advance that an event is worth going to, that you'll see all your friends and get some fun dances in, that it'll be worth the money you'll have to shell out on a sitter. But there's no way to predict these things.
Right now my single girlfriends are on their way up to Santa Barbara to take part in the weekend-long event that ends with my NYE singing gig on Monday night. And as mentioned I am home all weekend with no plans and nothing to do. Do I wish I was with them? Yes, until I remember what it would FEEL like to be part of that group.
On the surface, sure, it would be about the excitement of getting dressed for dances and being out of town for a few days, the relief of having something to do on New Year's Eve. It would look good on Facebook. But for me underneath would be that same maddening chant - another year gone by with no relationship and no children, another year older, another year watching all my friends get married and get pregnant. I've had many, many a miserable New Year's, even with plans, even with guys to dance with. Unless you're newly in love, New Year's is kind of bleh.
Do I think all single women spend New Year's wondering when they're ever going to meet someone and have a baby? Not necessarily, although I'd bet that thought lingers at least subconsciously. Does having had a baby take away all desire to be out having a good time with friends? Obviously not. I'm quite bitter I'm stuck at home bored while everyone else is out (looking like they're) having fun. But I blame myself for not having planned ahead. I was so focused on managing the actual night of New Year's I forgot about the weekend before. Oh well. It's cold and rainy out and I've got a fire, good movies, and fresh corn muffins. Oh, and a cute Gingy baby in a jumperoo. I have to admit that beats awkward small talk and bad dances any night.
I can completely relate. I've missed several events because Annelise's need to stay home trumped my need to go out. And then sitting at home feeling left out watching the FB updates and seeing the pictures. I know what you mean about wanting to know before hand that it will be worth hiring a sitter. So far I haven't been able to do it because my fear is I'll make all the arrangements, pay a sitter, go out and have a lousy time. Right now I stick to events I can take her and occasionally deal with the moments of melancholy watching via FB as everyone else has a great time and I'm sitting at home with the little one.
ReplyDeleteI am fortunate to have family close by, so I got to attend a number of Christmas parties this year. I'd say exactly one of them was fun enough I wouldn't have minded paying a sitter. Then rest were meh.
ReplyDeleteNYE we will be at a family-friendly party. I've had too many disappointing eves in the past to even consider getting a sitter.