Adventures in glucose testing

My Mom Guru friend delivered me the blood sugar meter last night.  I wasn’t planning on using it right away…but then when I survived the night not having to take any Tums (an extremely rare occurrence) which would throw off my morning readings, I decided to start today.  However, the blood sugar gods were against me.  After pricking just about every finger I have and the meter repeatedly giving me error readings, despite doing everything exactly as every You Tube video and online user manual stated, my friend told me via text I should try putting the blood on the strip while it’s already in the meter, not putting the strip in the meter after I’ve already put blood on it.  Huh?  Again, none of the online manuals or how-to videos show this, quite the opposite.  But I will try it.  Now?  No.  All of my fingers hurt (it hurts to type, actually) and I broke down and had a bowl of cereal.  So, screw it.  I’ll just have to wait to start until I have another Tums-free evening.  In the meantime nobody from Kaiser has contacted me about my results yet (although I forgot they were probably closed yesterday, so I may get the call today) so I am assuming it’s not an emergency.  It’s possible they will wait until next week at my midwife appointment to discuss my results, which as noted were not great but not in any kind of emergency zone, either.  So this gives me plenty of time to take a couple of days worth of readings and present that evidence to hopefully get me out of taking the 3 hour test.

I have to admit yesterday was a hard day for me.  I fought REALLY HARD to stave off depression and keep positive.  Some days it’s just a real battle when a bunch of crummy things happen at once.  It may be somewhat hormonal-based as well.  But just for the record it has nothing to do with pregnancy.  Everything on that front (well, other than this GD thing) is going great.  I don’t feel too bad, and I’m almost eight months along now.  I’m not huge, I’m not incapacitated, and as of right now I’m still able to wear pre-pregnancy underwear and bras.  Why I consider this a badge of honor I have no idea.  But I feel generally ok.  No, it’s work stuff that’s bothering me.  And once again, freaking Facebook is the culprit.

There was another large event in another state over the weekend, so now Facebook is inundated with video clips of all the contests and everyone gushing about how amazing it was and how awesome the event director is.  Now, do they do this for my event?  Yes.  It’s hard to remember because I was in such a morning-sickness induced haze last summer I don’t think I went on the computer much in the weeks after my event, and if I did any praise would have gone in one eye and out the other because I felt so lousy.  However, I have a hard time seeing other people’s events praised without feeling profoundly threatened.  You could say I should just accept that there can be lots of successful events and it’s ok – but the numbers indicate that some other events are growing in leaps and bounds every year, whereas mine has consistently lost people every year since 2008.  And this has amounted to a significant reduction in my income.  So unfortunately when other events get all this “buzz” and mine doesn’t, it does affect me, directly.  This is a brand new phenomenon – because Facebook has pretty much taken over all our lives especially in the last two years, I find this has a profound effect on my kind of work.  Since it’s all about “buzz” and who’s event is the coolest and who’s going where, and now everyone has more access to this information, it’s making my job a thousand times more difficult, and I am at the point where I am worried that I am ever going to be able to catch up. 

In the middle of all this I went to the website of the event I judged and sang at in DC back in August (the one I suffered horribly through) and discovered that my band, and me as a judge, are not included in the event this year.  In fact the band that beat us in that horrible “battle of the bands” back in April (when I was in my very first tww) is the headlining band, not us.  Ugh!  I wanted to immediately text my bandleader this information, but thought better of it.  I think what we both feared is in fact happening – this other band is eclipsing us.  And you know what?  It’s inevitable, really.  We’ve been on top for ten years, it’s someone else’s turn now.  And shouldn’t I be glad if this guy takes all our traveling gigs?  Isn’t that a good thing, for me?  Yes, it is.  It’s a huge relief, actually, on some levels.  But it doesn’t feel good, I’ll tell you that.

So two weeks shy of my event registration opening, here’s my wish list.  I wish that this year’s event will show a leveling off of attendance so I no longer have to worry that I’m consistently losing people every year (I imagine this will happen, since last year the numbers were pretty darned close to the year before).  I wish I’ll make enough money to survive the first year with my baby.  I wish people would appreciate all the effort and attention to detail I put into my event instead of just automatically discounting it because it’s not one of the newer, cooler events.  I wish people would continue to have a sense of loyalty and nostalgia about my event because this is kind of all I have going for me right now.  I wish I could get through this year’s event and have a big sigh of relief afterwards, feeling good about it, with enough money in the bank. 

I had posted on FB about my registration opening and praise god, a couple of people commented positively about it and forwarded it to other people.  That made me feel a lot better. 

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the widow of the old time jitterbugger has planned his memorial service for - you guessed it - the same day as my baby shower.  Now, luckily her's is a little later - my shower starts at noon and the service starts at 3.  But they are about 1 1/2 hours drive apart, and this now means that everyone will be at my shower checking their watches and leaving early so they can make it to the memorial on time (and honestly, most of the people at my shower would rather be at the memorial, so I'm not going to win that one), AND since my sister is here and I'm sure she won't want to be dragged to a memorial service in Orange County, I will probably have to drop her at home and leave her alone for the night while I go pay my respects (and I'm sure I'll be totally exhausted and drained by the time I have to go make that drive - ugh).  So, basically this has made my shower now a stressful thing.

   

Freaking out weeks before my registration opens is a yearly occurrence for me, don’t worry.  Last night I was racked with horrible nightmares about – you guessed it, having to move back to the east coast and get some crappy retail job, and hating every minute of it.  It was my New Year’s resolution to stop worrying about money (and my event) this year.  You’d think after fifteen years of living off this thing I would be able to relax a little bit.  Unfortunately the game has changed dramatically lately, and I am really struggling to keep up.  Now I’m going to stop typing because my fingers hurt.