Today I just couldn't get my butt out of bed for yoga, so decided to be extra productive instead. So, dealt with some e-mails I've let linger far too long, arranged a hospital tour, set up classes (I thought it was a one-time baby care class but apparently it's four weeks of baby care, labor & delivery, breast feeding, and various other topics), and made major headway with my registry/shower invites. I finally settled on a stroller and car seat, and am a final bidder on a high chair on eBay.
I have my 4D ultrasound next week, so really the only thing I have yet to set up is some kind of maternity photo shoot. I feel like things are finally winding down.
Tonight my cousin called to tell me his wife surprised him with a pregnancy announcement - they thought they were done, already having two boys. I cautiously asked how old she is - 40, as it turns out, the same age I'll be if I try for #2. So I guess there is hope for us old gals! I'm of course happy for them, and it knocks me out that my funny shy cousin who used to sit quietly and draw pictures of the Titanic is going to be the fertility over- achiever of the family. It's funny how things turn out!
Tomorrow I go to visit my 94-year-old friend for probably the last time. It's going to be a tough, emotional day, and I am kind of dreading it. These old time dancers really became surrogate grandparents for us "dance kids" over the last 15 or so years, but now for a lot of them their time is running out.
Does the pain of loss of loved ones sting less when you have a new life on the way? Yes, absolutely. I always say you need to have something to look forward to in life in order to have some level of happiness, and children I think fill that need. You get to focus on their milestones and their future, and, more importantly, focus less on yourself. So it is definitely going to feel different saying goodbye to this friend - still sad, of course, but this time with a new feeling, the feeling of continuance. My son will know about this man, and hopefully go on to tell his story long after I'm gone. That's what it's all about, isn't it?
Just further proof that if you want something done right in this world, you have to do it yourself. Another anxiety-addled blog about the pursuit of single motherhood. Join me, won't you?
I'm sorry about your friend. It's never easy to lose someone you care about.
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