Is it better to have loved and lost...?

Today I went to see the widow of the old time jitterbug who passed away a couple of weeks ago. She was of course still very distraught. At one point during our visit a neighbor came by and the widow confided in the neighbor that she wishes she could die herself. I wasn't shocked by this; I think it's normal. They were married 62 years; her entire adult life revolved around this man. And they never had kids because he was 20 years older and had had a family and a vasectomy already. But seeing the tremendous pain this woman is in at the loss of her husband, it definitely made me wonder - is it better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?

She said she wished us kids could have what she and her husband had for so many years. The three of us that were single looked at each other and said, "mmmyeah, that's not likely." I know in some cases people - especially women - flourish when their long-term spouse passes away. I don't really see that happening for this lady, though. They were so enmeshed, such a unit. She lived entirely for him. Is this a bad thing? I don't think so, but it does make you wonder what happens when the man is gone in this scenario. She could go on another 20+ years. Is she now robbed of all happiness, all pleasure, because he's gone? Will she be able to forge a new life without him?

Now here I am, one who has assumed and accepted the risks of having a baby on my own. Any number if heartbreaking situations could arise from this - from as extreme as his dying to as routine as he and I just never bonding and his not wanting to be in my life once he's grown. But I walked into this fully knowing the risks, just as everyone who takes the vow "'till death do us part" knows that the best case scenario is that you won't ever break up but one of you will die, leaving the other heartbroken. At least children are more likely to outlive you. But there are no guarantees.

Don't know what all this means really; I just see this intensely mourning older woman who's lived a completely opposite life from mine, and I just want to say something to make it all better, to make her not sad anymore. But she needs to be sad and we need to just be there and hold her hand and listen. I can do that.