Mother’s Day

Yes, it’s that day I used to dread. I’m happy to say, the sadness - indeed, agony - I used to feel on this day, is long gone. Once I made that decision - really made it, that this day was for me and not my mother - the day has been turned back into what it should be at it’s best: a celebration of my own motherhood, and remembrance of all the positive and happy things I got from my mother. I’ve grown so much and so much of my bitterness about her has melted away in the last few years. It’s ok for me to feel good about this day again.

With that said, I’m not a huge fan of how saccharine this day is - I guess it’s something about orchestrated appreciation that I don’t like…? So I had to bury myself in wacky videos by performance artist/activist Peaches to add a little levity to the day. The H and I spent the day yesterday at a music festival and she performed there and blew my mind. I feel like I need strong older female role models, still, in my life, and people like Peaches and Joan Jett are definitely it. Unapologetic, raw, tough. Love it.

Today I’m in recovery mode - my whole body aches after walking around in the hot sun all day, my neck hurts from head banging, and I have a strange rash on the back of both my ankles - so after waking up to two very cute hastily made Mother’s Day presents (see below), the H took the kids to the latest Marvel atrocity while I watched a super fucked up movie on Hulu (Resurrection) and ate snacks. Later the H will bring me some of my favorite vegan sushi and we’ll all hang out in the hot tub. 

The H’s insane work schedule has at last ended and life can go back to normal. It’s time to reconnect. The little abandoned child in me wants to push him away and continue being alone, but I’m fighting that impulse. 

This week comes part two of cabin building - I’m getting an estimate on siding, so we can close the door on this thing (other than an overhang and patio which I’m reluctant to start and pay for at the moment). I’m excited to see what progress can be made this week.