I’m starting to get bored and restless. It’s just the same shit every day. What are we going to eat? What needs to be cleaned? How do we get those kids off those gamer videos? Isn’t it bed time yet? Taking out overflowing garbage. Searching the mail for unemployment checks. Endless anxiety scrolling. When to wash hair. Laundry. Keep Theo from annoying the cat so she doesn’t snap and kill him. Check bank account. Check email for refund requests or loan updates. Make a bitmoji. Try to say something original and clever about Coronavirus online (impossible). Wonder what the weird new neighbors are up to. Where has the BF escaped to? Oh, he’s smoking. Again. More laundry. Now it’s time for Bobby’s violin lesson; I hope he doesn’t completely space out and piss off the teacher...again. Did the boys brush teeth? Did Bobby poop? Did Theo wipe his butt and flush? Are we running out of air spray because this house is pretty much a poop factory at this point? Did anybody clean the cat box? We need to use up these leftovers. There’s no room for any more food...oh look, more food. I’m just going to eat this homemade hot fudge sauce with a spoon because I just need to, all right? No, I don’t want to participate in your online project. Maybe I’ll sweep the porch. It’s chilly. It’s hot. Everyone is doing interesting creative things and I’m watching trash tv. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to get into bed. Time to wash the sheets...again. When can we have our cleaning lady back safely? Time to wash the towels. This floor is covered in cat hair - someone really needs to mop it. These toilets look like they’re props from Trainspotting - someone should really clean these. This bathroom smells like a NY subway on a warm August day - someone needs to make sure these kids pee in the toilet. What should we watch tonight? Let’s watch Bill Maher. Well, that interview was pointless. Load the dishwasher. Unload the dishwasher. Add rinse aid. I could have sworn I just added rinse aid. Time for laundry again. Did Bobby poop? Who left us a surprise in the toilet? Where’s dad? Oh, he’s “outside” (smoking). Where are all the goddam chargers? I just had one. Guess what other celebrity died? Coronavirus? Doesn’t say. Weird, I thought he was dead already. I just cleaned this toilet, how is it covered in diarrhea splashes again already. All the knives are dull. We need to get a sharpener. The toaster oven is barely working - now it’s smoking because you put your fried chicken on the bare grate and all the grease dripped on to the heating element. Time to dust everything again even though I just did this days ago - it’s amazing how much dust four people who never leave the house create. Leave the cat alone, Theo. We really need to trim your nails. Stop picking your nose and eating it. What are we having for dinner? Well, I don’t want that. We don’t have any clean plates. What did that idiot tweet now? Do you think he’ll win again? How could he? I don’t know but we didn’t think he’d win in 2016 either. I’m sure there’ll be a vaccine. I’m sure there’ll be contact tracing. I’m sure we’ll be back on track. They can’t just shut everything forever. They can’t do that - can they?? How will we survive?? What if we lose everything?? What if my business never recovers??
...time to load the dishwasher
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