It looks like the infections/deaths numbers are so terrible, yet Newsome said we’re entering phase 2 of re-opening this week. Is it too soon? Probably. But as one who’s lost all income from this, living with someone who’s also lost all income and unlike me has gotten zero government support, I understand the need to start at least trying to get people back to work. We can’t all stay in our homes forever. The sad thing is it means more sickness and death. Would I wish that on anyone? Of course not. How the hell do you balance this stuff? I don’t know, and nobody else does, either. We don’t know if testing is accurate, we don’t know if people can be reinfected, we don’t know what’ll happen in hot weather or cold weather, we don’t know if this thing will mutate, we don’t know, we don’t know, we don’t know.
The big event similar to mine over New Year’s has announced that although they’re not canceling, they’re not doing anymore planning, either. I’d like to make a similar announcement - I really want to tell the public I won’t make any decisions until July - but I’m afraid of even making an appearance online because it’ll no doubt spur a wave of refund requests, which is just too scary right now. I don’t know. It’s not like I don’t have the money. But not knowing what’s going to happen with my refinance...that’s the scary part. I don’t want to give away every penny I have in the bank and then find out I can’t get any money out of my house. That would be a disaster of epic proportions. So maybe I can wait at least a couple of weeks until I know better what’s happening with my refinance.
Yesterday all four of us did a drive by birthday for a friend of mine and sang to her from behind masks on the other side of a garden gate. I told the BF when my birthday rolls around in two months I do not want anything like that. I find all this stuff - the cheerful adaptation to our ridiculous circumstances, the humor, the making the best of it - profoundly depressing. In fact I was in a serious funk afterwards. Even the act of putting on a mask I find very upsetting and triggering; I wince at people’s masked selfies on FB. Maybe I’m just not used to it; but I also don’t want to get used to it. This is all ridiculous and obscene. Do you hear me, uncaring void? THIS IS ALL RIDICULOUS.
So yeah. No depressing masked social-distanced birthday parties for me, thanks.
I’m still selfishly hoping we’ll be able to take our planned birthday trip to Hawaii end of July. It’s two and a half months away, so maybe it’ll be possible...? I’m so afraid of being wrong and disappointed yet again. I’ve been wrong about everything this whole time because I just didn’t want to believe how horrible this would all be. And yet it just gets worse and worse.
Oh and now we have Murder hornets. Ain’t life grand??
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI am really glad to read that your life and finances are not a complete disaster in spite of everything.
And I just wanted to give you some hope that it won't be as bad as you think now. At least I used to be quite depressed and very pessimistic and now suddenly after "only" 6-8 weeks of moderate lockdown the numbers here in Germany have dropped considerably just like in every other European country and everything is opening again. On Thursday they will even open the playgrounds again, hooray!! Of course there might be a second wave and the economic damage is only just starting to show, but life does seem to go on much quicker than I expected :-)
But maybe you'll have to get used to the annoying masks, maybe they are key actually, who knows...anyway, I wish you all the best! Keep going, it will get better some day. I hope.
I wasn't keen on wearing a mask either (although I still did), until I noticed that the president refuses to wear one, including during his recent tour of a mask-making factory. So that's all it took for me. Now I'm happy to wear it everywhere I go. :)
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty in your posts and feel so much for you and the stress you are under. I can’t imagine. Take care.
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