The shut down begins

Yesterday I decided to shut down registration on my event. With everything getting worse and not better as we had all hoped, it feels disingenuous to continue to take people’s money. I also changed my web site messaging from “we’re still hoping we’ll get the all-clear for September” to “we have begun the process of closing”. I have not posted on my FB page because I don’t want to inspire a wave of refund requests. I still need to confirm that the hotel won’t penalize me - we’re going to chat tomorrow - and, of course, the big unknown, which is my refinance, status still up in the air. I talked to my guy today and apparently though I’ve been approved, I’ve been approved conditionally - the lender wants more paperwork, more answers. I’m terrified they’ll be able to tease out the fact that I am currently unable to make a living, and won’t again for some time. What if I just get denied everywhere because I have no income? What a nightmare! My loan guy assured me we’d get it through no matter what. But right now the fear of having that final and only safety net taken from me is truly scary. 

It also dawned on me today that once my car lease is up in November, depending on what’s happening in the world and our family, I may just not get another car for a while. What’s the point? I could save $500 a month on payments and insurance, and with another car in the family and nowhere to go, why bother? If the kids are even in school, either the BF can take them in the morning or I can in his car; for the afternoons I can just walk up to the school and walk them home (the way is too steep and long to walk them in the morning). Clearly we’ll no longer be utilizing an afterschool program; our only activities are violin lessons which will continue to be done online for...well, pretty much ever. So...what the hell do I need a car for? I can use uber/Lyft for emergencies or if I ever have the kids and J away and can actually go somewhere on my own. I can at least not have one for a few months after November until I know what my deal is for next year’s event. That will save a few thousand $$s which is nothing to sneeze at. 

Honestly, with cases and deaths still mounting here in CA at this late date, people breaking quarantine rules and everything opening up too soon - I think we’re in this for the long haul, and I think this fall and winter are going to be rough. I do not anticipate these kids returning to a classroom any time before 2021. I wish I could just turn the damned car over now.