Doubts

Friday the SBA wired me the loan money. My bank account is the fattest I’ll see it - we’ll, probably ever. After all these weeks of fear and struggle, you’d think I’d be over the moon. And yet. 

Apparently the loan guidelines are a lot more stringent than I’d originally thought. Every penny has to be spent on the running of your business - payroll, equipment, documentable receipt-backed expenses, that you have to have on hand at any moment *if* the SBA decides to audit you. If you can’t come up with receipts they demand immediate repayment of 250% of your loan. Also, you’re not allowed to use the loan to make up for losses to your business. So...what about those of us who are ordered shut for years - we’re not going to have any expenses and need something to live on. How...what???

I accepted the loan despite these conditions, but I’m definitely having second thoughts. I’m going to try my best to not use it at all and just repay it when my payments are supposed to start in a year. But that ability depends on a few things - one, that not everyone will demand a refund, and two, that I’ll be able to run an event next year and get a good crowd. None of those things are guaranteed at the moment. I have people online saying the swing dance world will “never” recover from this, also that it’ll be “years”, also that big events like mine will “never” be viable business models again. Opinions like that fill me with utter despair. Personally, I think they’re full of shit - you’re going to tell me that rock concerts, sports, movies, festivals, fairs, amusement parks are “never” going to come back? Give me a break. 

I doubt the SBA is going to have the wherewithal to audit all of us small fry businesses; they said nothing about scheduled audits or accountability. I think it was just a strongly worded threat to keep people from buying cars and boats. When I got an SBA disaster loan during my Katrina adventure nobody ever checked up on me. And I will have some expenses this year - I’m out $5000 in deposits, will probably spend $10,000-$20,000 on my virtual event, and could spend up to $100,000 on refunds (although it sounded like refunds don’t count as money spent on your business). And next year there will be expenses, but not until September. 

I don’t know. The whole thing makes me nervous. 

In the meantime still waiting on my home loan. I should know by mid-week if the final approval has come in; then the appraisal, then we’re done. My loan guy says two weeks. Which makes it about three months since I started this process. Sigh. At least the $60,000 I get there will be my living money until next summer. By then I’ll know if I’m going to have a successful camp or not and can make other arrangements.

I mean, really - if a whole year from now we still have no Disneyland, no concerts, no sporting events...we as a society are going to be in deep, deep trouble. 

I watched some live swing dance fundraisers this weekend and got some good ideas for my virtual event. I’m going to talk to my camera guy this week. I think I can do it; I hope it doesn’t cost a fortune and that people actually show up. One other thing - if next year can’t happen, I can do this again, and keep doing it until I have a live event again. It’s not much, but it’s something. 

Going on a socially-distanced hike with a friend of mine later. It will be the first time I’ve seen her since her drive-by birthday a few weeks ago and our neighborhood hike a month before that. This is my social life now. Memorial Day weekend. I would have been in Amsterdam right now.