Someone I trust who runs a dance studio up north private messaged me this morning about all these issues and we had a long chat. He is of the opinion I should set up a GoFundMe to raise funds and not worry about trying to partially pay staff (one thing I’d really like to be able to do), that I should just look out for myself and make sure that I, and the event, survive. Don’t be a martyr, he said. And it really got me thinking about how I always fall on my own sword to my detriment, how I am afraid to ask for help because I don’t want to be judged or held accountable for how I spend money going forward, I don’t want to look like a failure, I don’t want to look like I can’t handle my own shit. I don’t want to be an object of pity...and I also don’t want to be judged and shamed. I’ve seen lots of really negative reactions to people’s GoFundMe campaigns...everyone’s super judgy and suspicious. Where are those funds going? Are they really doing what they say they’re doing with my money? Why did they just buy that new thing? Gee, they really don’t look like they’re struggling...etc etc. Now I know I’m a beloved figure and it’s doubtful I’d attract that level of negativity...and even if I did, who cares...but. I’m afraid of being shamed for admitting I need help. And this, despite my best efforts, comes entirely from a mother who raised me to be afraid to admit weakness, and makes me think about her on this Mother’s Day weekend as I swore I wouldn’t. In our house, because of her own family history and largely our religion, admitting you were sad, sick, hurt, depressed, needing something, means you did something bad to deserve whatever situation you’re in, whether it’s a cold or a problem with friends at school or a stubbed toe. Somehow you brought it on yourself, so you need to get yourself out of it. Any issue in my childhood was met with zero empathy, indeed, zero admission that even anything was actually wrong, and being handed a bible and being sent away to “handle it” by myself. This, to a seven- or eight- or twelve- or whatever-year-old girl. Pretty messed up, huh? The fact that this still haunts me, and hurts me, after all this time, greatly saddens me.
What I should do is unapologetically set up a GoFundMe and grab every penny I can get to minimize the damage of putting so much additional money onto my house. What I would rather do is offer refunds to everyone that wants one, with no fees, and just quietly slink away with my now giant mortgage and handle my own shit without help. But this option only hurts me. Saves my pride, but mortgages my future, literally. I just don’t know. It’s so much to think about.
One thing is, everyone sympathizes! I’m sure even my non-empathetic mother would share a kind word or two about this; this is so big and so devastating even she’d get it. She did have her moments of clarity, especially when it came to black-and-white things like business and career issues. I have no doubt there would be a great outpouring from the community if I asked. I just don’t want to ask.
I’m texting a friend who says I should wait until I see what my actual loss ends up being once I announce cancellation. Right now I’m only speculating what people are going to do. I have no idea, and I also don’t know if my refinance is in the bag or not. Both of those things will help me decide whether I need to suck it up and ask for charity or not. Sigh.
I'm spitballing here so take what I say with all the grains of salt in the world. Would it be possible for you to give everyone a partial refund, say 40%, across the board and stay afloat? You could explain the event being cancelled was completely out of your control and that the income you receive from this event is your income for the entire year so you simply can't refund more and survive. By way of consolation you could offer something (like a competition) that you normally charge a premium to participate in for free to those affected in 2022 (not a free entry to the event itself, just one part of it?) I think if your base is as loyal as they seem something like this might go over better than you would expect. At the very least it might mean taking less equity out of your house to get by.
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