Sabotage

A horrible moment yesterday when I realized I may just have screwed myself out of my chance to refinance. When I put on my website this week that we had closed registration and we’re beginning the process of canceling the event...little did I know that my mortgage broker just the next day would send the lending bank my website to show what a great, established business person I am. And they saw my cancellation notice, and now they are getting cold feet about lending to me.

Why did I put up that notice? Why?? I’ll never know the reason for this. But it may be one of the worst mistakes of my life.

My broker said I just need to send more documentation to show I’m solvent - more tax forms, more bank statements - and I had to painstakingly write a letter pleading my case, and beg my accountant to also write a letter on my behalf. Oh, and guess what? Just as I suspected, the door is closing fast on cash-out refinances. In fact it’s pretty much closed, so if they decline me, I may very well be out of luck. 

It’s a nightmare.

So, if they decline me, I won’t stop there - I have other brokers to try, and I can still try just a regular refinance and try for a HELOC later (although those are drying up, too). This is exactly what I was afraid of - that I would be sitting on a half million in equity and not be able to access a penny of it. It seems criminal that they’re even allowed to do this to people. 

I spent the evening frantically searching for and downloading documents and writing and re-writing letters; also, making an alternative plan for how to survive a year with no money. I have a small (very small) retirement fund I can (and should, really) liquidate; I have $6000 in cash, I have a $17,500 business line of credit. The BF will be able to pay his share soon enough either with unemployment or some kind of work; I might be able to borrow from my life insurance policy. It might not be a bad thing to not get this refinance - if I keep everything as it is now, my mortgage stays low and I don’t screw over my future. Perspective. 

But still...yeah. Pretty annoyed with myself right now. I think I just got fed up with pretending to be hopeful despite all the evidence to the contrary saying partner dancing is completely screwed for years. I felt like an idiot. And I just wanted to be truthful. Well, we see where that got me. A whole lotta nothing. 

Now, we wait. And wait. And wait.