The Entity

When I was in the “thinking” process I read my friend Lisa’s book (see right) and was always fascinated by the cover.  “Does your belly really get that big? Can you really barely see your feet?” And right now I can say yes, and yes.  I officially have a shelf. I call it The Entity.

The Entity can be quite handy.  It’s a good place to rest the TV remote, plates, and cups.  From time to time the dog rests her chin there, and she has stopped sitting on my lap because The Entity has taken that spot. I also can no longer put my laptop there for said reason.

However The Entity comes with its inconveniences.  It does draw a lot of attention to itself and makes random people on the street yell things at me like, “it’s a girl!” It makes people want to touch it with its animal magnetism. But mainly it makes it tough for mom to do anything. Now when I drop things (and I drop things a lot), I see the thing falling in slow motion (keys, toothpaste cap, measuring spoon, vitamin, etc) and hear a voice in my head saying, “nooooooo….!”  Because picking up the thing in the presence of The Entity is a lengthy and complex process.  Don’t even talk to me about picking up after the dog who blithely poops her way through her entire walk, not understanding that The Entity makes it very difficult for mommy to stop and squat every few feet.

Just two days shy of 39 weeks, The Entity is making its presence known in other ways, such as making every possible position uncomfortable. Sitting, standing, walking, and lying down all suck.  Lying on my back is a torment as it makes me feel like I’m suffocating. Lying on my stomach is a long lost memory. Leaving…nothing.  Actually, that’s not true.  If I could spend the entire day on my hands and knees with The Entity hanging free, that would be awesome. But a) my wrists and hands hurt too much from pregnancy carpal tunnel for this to be possible, and b) it’s not terribly practical.

Fortunately I’ve had no back pain, and again am amazed by the lack of stretch marks and/or popping belly buttons considering that The Entity is as hard as a basketball and may or may not get even bigger in the days to come. Still I seem to look like most women at this phase look – just big. Amazingly I’ve gained no weight for weeks, which means the baby must be taking the calories he needs, and he’s welcome to them. But I’m so wiped out all of the time now that I worry that I’ll even have the energy to labor – if someone told me right now I had to go into labor and work really hard for the next 24-36 hours, harder than I’ve ever pushed myself physically in my life, I’d probably burst into tears.  I can hardly put a clean garbage bag in the bin much less push a person out of my body.

For this reason I fear tomorrow’s NST.  Oh, I intend to stick to my guns (I still say 39 weeks is too early), but I’m afraid they’re going to work on my fear/uncomfortableness/exhaustion to try to push me into something I don’t want and don’t think is right. And who knows, maybe I will have an escalation of symptoms and not be able to argue my cause anymore.  Last night I seriously tweaked my neck resulting in a headache and was all paranoid about this being a sign of pre-e; then googled if it was ok to take Tylenol and Dr. Google said yes, and immediately on taking it the pain went away and I was able to sleep, so I don’t think I had a “pre-e headache”, just a reaction to the neck pain (I’m having it again now – probably time for another Tylenol). You can bet I will NOT be telling them this at my appointment tomorrow, however. I’m ready for anything – and I intend to speak softly and carry a big stick. I’m glad I’ve managed to not snap at anyone yet; I think I’d feel bad later (and really bad if it turned out they were right all along).  I’ve only snapped a few times in my life; once I told a boss he was a fucking asshole as I quit.  He totally deserved it, though, and I still look back on that moment with pride.