A day of firsts

We had another long night of what I guess is called "cluster feeding" and endless poopy diapers; however as the morning progressed RT seemed to need a long snooze, so for once I was able to join him and sleep for a few hours without shocking myself awake every five minutes to make sure he's still breathing. For the time being this appears to be his schedule - up all night, sleep all day. Since this is pretty much my schedule as well (and was certainly my pregnancy sleep schedule) I can live with it. As long as I get those few hours in the AM, I'm good.

Sleep lead me to make some small inroads. I decided to take my first car trip to pick up the dog. It felt great returning to normal life - driving, talk radio, putting on clothes and makeup. Robert slept during the entire exercise. And the dog, as suspected, gave him an exploratory sniff and then lost interest. I don't know how she'll do after the night I'm sure we have ahead of us, but I think the worst that could happen is she'll start peeing on things in protest. Considering how much spit up, spilled formula, poop and pee is already all over this place, I say the more the merrier!

So after our first car trip I decided to bust out the first baby carrier experience to walk the dog. I used the Beco carrier, and after I gave an exploratory walk around the house, Robert calmed enough that I felt I could brave a real walk around the block (putting down the little hood helped so he wouldn't be overwhelmed).

Walking the dog is always interesting because it's a quiet time with no radio or phone or TV, just me and my thoughts. I flashed back to the nine months pregnant me walking the dog a week ago today and crying the whole way thinking about the induction the next day; I thought about the 2nd trimester me picturing myself with a baby in a carrier some day; I pictured the 1st trimester me last summer dragging my ass around the block while trying not to puke; I pictured walking the dog as I was miscarrying, walking the dog sad about my first BFN last April, walking the dog planning TTC in my head before I told anyone. So much has happened, and yet my son isn't even a week old. Already he's bigger and plumper every day - people don't kid you when they say it goes so quickly!

One amazing fact about today - I went into labor at about 168 pounds. I weighed myself the night I got home and was 159. I weighed myself today and I am 150. Huh...? I am utterly delighted that I am now only 10 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight of 140. Awesome!

So um...my milk appears to have come in. And by milk I mean huge, painful, hot boobs. I am still not nursing and am scared I have sabotaged any possible breastfeeding opportunities by caving to formula all this time. Ugh. Lots more to say about this breastfeeding thing but that's a whole other story for another time.

Talked tonight to a relative who had her only daughter back in the 60s. It was amazing the similar language she used to describe her experience as I did - traumatizing, PTSD, never again, etc. I'm beginning to think this experience is a lot more common than we're lead to believe!

Tomorrow I am going to focus on the boobs - get the pump set up, get some help. This is going to be a real challenge, I can tell.