I haven't written much lately because most of the time I kind of feel like poop. I'm not sure what's causing it - apart from the normal mommy exhaustion and worries, everything is fine. And Bumpus is really ok, too. He's a delight most of the time. But mom feels like crap. It may very well be hormonal so I am just trying to keep my head up and coast through it. Like everything else these days, it's just a phase...right?
I got it into my head that if B had his own room we would both sleep better and I wouldn't have to go through this up at 6-make scrambled eggs-feed baby-go back to bed rigmarole every morning; I notice when he wakes up he tends to play around for about a half hour or so (providing I don't move an inch). If he had his own room I could sneak toys into his crib at night so he could wake up and play, and then when he was really over it we could both just get up together. This sounds nice, but I'm not convinced this is entirely true - and I'm not about to spend thousands on putting the walls back on that room only to discover I'm not sleeping any later than when he was next to my bed. I'll do it if there's another baby on board - or if I know for sure there'll never be another baby. But now's not the time. So, 6 am it is, then back to bed a half hour later for another couple of hours, then I stumble around incoherently for about a half hour while B eats his breakfast muffins. I'm glad I can no longer consider myself sleep deprived - this is definitely a step up from my "every two hour nipple mangling" episode. But I still feel pretty lousy when I wake up. Join the club, right?
Speaking of hormonal, finally got a frigging answer about my prolactin levels. After hounding the Kaiser midwife for the results (which sure enough had been forgotten about and never forwarded to me), she said it "looked normal", which is meaningless, so I asked for a number - remember, the clinic doesn't want me taking and period or ovulation-inducing drugs without a good number. She finally coughed it up - 8.3, yippee! It's so odd to think it was in the high 20s when I first had it checked two years ago. Under 20 is good for ovulation. But - still no period. Which is frustrating as hell and contributing to my foul mood. At least now there's a plan, though - call the clinic Monday and see if they'll put me on Provera to get this party started. Not sure if I can try after that or if I have to wait until I cycle naturally anyway...but I guess I'll find out. It has to happen eventually, right?
Glad you got a number finally (but sorry AF is still missing in action).
ReplyDeleteAre they all angry screams or does he have happy screams too (like Ashlynn)? I have thought about putting in ear plugs some days. I should try it, it might just make things a little more tolerable.
Hang in there! I imagine there has to be some hormonal stuff going on with the weaning and all.
Sorry you're feeling so miserable. I hope your period is on the way soon, and that's the reason for how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI think try and wait for the natural cycle if you can. Maybe you can set a time limit - like if AF hasn't arrived in x amount of time then you get drugs. Might make it fell more manageable and in control.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the screaming - I had a night of it last night, not sure what it was caused by but it was awful and all I could think was that I am so glad this isn't something I have had to deal with much as I am not sure I would have coped!
Sorry you're feeling poopy. Hope it's AF on her way
ReplyDeleteI had a rough time when I weaned Calliope, and wouldn't be surprised if that is contributing to your malaise. I was glad I had been warned, maybe by Shannon, to expect it. It might be even more pronounced in your case since you weaned abruptly.
ReplyDeleteThe good news is that it passes!
As for the sleeping separately... don't you have an office where the dog was sleeping? Can you try putting B's crib there for a few days, just to test it out? Even if you don't want him playing in there, you could see how the sleep situation adjusts.
I wish I could put one of us in the office, but unfortunately it's just a shoddily enclosed porch full of spiders and rotting floorboards. It's ok to store stuff but I wouldn't want either of us in there overnight.
DeleteWell, now I know I'm not the only one who ever wondered if I'd suffered hearing loss from being next to my screaming child. Just another way motherhood is physically difficult. Good thing are kids are worth it! Hang in there--hope this week is a better one :)
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