Crunch

So I survived the last of the long distance gigs last night, huzzah! This one was a monumental pain in the ass because it was at a college campus, which meant I was a half hour late and almost missed the entire first set because I couldn't find the !$&@ Student Resources Center where we were playing. And then when I finally did, I had to track down the organizer to get a parking pass and run it out to my car parked a million miles away just so I wouldn't get towed. Thankfully everything went well and we actually made a bit more money than I'd expected - and thank God for that, because May has been the most expensive month in...pretty much ever. 

I like to take pride in saying things like, "what is everyone taking about? Kids aren't that expensive!" But truth be told, they kind of are. Even my little bitty baby has about doubled my grocery bill in the last couple of months. I'm really feeling it now, and am a little concerned for the future, especially if I bring a second person into this mix. I used to grocery shop every couple of weeks or when needed - now I go every Friday religiously and even then often run out of needed essentials by Wednesday. It used to sometimes take me a month to get through one dozen eggs, and I rarely even finished a half pint of milk. Now I'm on a gallon of milk and two dozen eggs a week, and even then I sometimes run out! It's crazy! I spend about $60/month on diapers and wipes. God knows how much gas I expend driving around on pointless errands just to get out of the house and get B to nap. And don't even ask about the babysitting fees. Last night I paid another $100 to someone to sit and watch TV while B slept the entire night. Ugh.

Not complaining, mind you, just observing. Yes, kids are expensive, although the fact that he's not in daycare of course saves a fortune (except this month where I paid more in babysitters than most people pay for full-time daycare), and I try to remind myself of the thousands I save by not taking elaborate foreign trips every year, eating out, shopping full price at Anthropologie, etc etc. It probably all comes out even in the end, especially with the break I get for his healthcare, for which I'm extremely grateful.

I do worry that two kids is going to cause me to live a little too close to the bone, especially if I don't have as positive years with my event coming up as I think I do, or if some bizarre expense comes out of left field like that sewer thing (still owe $9000 on that, ugh) or if interest rates suddenly skyrocket (I have a variable rate mortgage I can't refinance out of - in 2007 when rates were at their highest I was paying double what I'm paying now). 

But that's life, you know? Everyone gets hit by unforeseen disasters. If they were "foreseen" we'd avoid them! Are fears of some bizarre circumstance enough to keep me from (at least trying for) another baby? Of course not. But I'd be lying if I said I'm not feeling the pinch. The last two months I've spent WAY more than I've made. Which is typical for this time of year - in just two months I'll be swimming in money. But right now it doesn't feel too great.

Here's a pic of me at last night's gig: