Reviews of Choice Mom movies

For the record, I’ve only seen three, and all of these in the last couple of months as part of my “research”, knowing full well that none of these movies intended to really be about the journey to choice motherhood but more about relationships between men and women or women and other women.  However, here are my impressions and how they relate to how I’ve been feeling lately.

The Back-up Plan

The first one I saw was The Back-Up Plan which was probably the lamest and most infuriating, even though I watched it on an airplane fully expecting to be annoyed by it (and I was).  My number one complaint about rom-coms is the “meet cute” moment (the moment where the couple meets).  This moment almost always includes a slow zoom-in close-up of the man’s face as he instantly falls in love with the (invariably) bitchy female protagonist the first time he sees her.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I have never felt that way about anyone.  Well, except once in high school when I first saw this guy named Jude who had a guitar slung across his back and looked just like James Dean.  Can you blame me???

Anyway, I stupidly watched The Back-Up Plan with the idea I would get some helpful information out of it – that it would explore Jennifer Lopez’ character’s feelings about becoming a Choice Mom, follow her fertility treatments, or her feelings about pregnancy.  Nope.  The only truthful moment in this movie for me was when she’s having the IUI and looks at her toes and thinks, “I should have gotten a pedi for this.”  After that the entire movie is pretty much about this unbelievably hot guy with the politically correct career (I believe it was artisanal cheese maker) who chases her down and won’t be put off no matter how mean she is to him, or the fact that she’s carrying a stranger’s baby.  Sure, every guy chases us to the ends of the earth, right?  That’s why we’re here using donor sperm to have a baby.  For the last twelve years I haven’t even been able to get a guy to call me back after one coffee date.  Give me a break.

The Switch

Now I love Jason Bateman and somewhat enjoy watching Jennifer Anniston, so I actually liked the movie even though it did some things that annoyed me.  These things were the obligatory men-talking-to-other-men-about-relationships scenes which we all know never happen in real life (the sounding board in this movie being Jeff Goldblum, whose character exists only to tell Jason Bateman what an idiot he is.  I think I liked him better in the ‘I forgot my mantra” days).  Also the conception party concept – which I now know would be completely impossible in real life, with how down to the wire these things really are; imagine getting fifty people to your house for a party on a few hours’ notice?  I couldn’t even get my kitchen floor mopped in time for that, much less plan an insemination.  And then there’s the general premise of the whole movie – the idea that Bateman always has and always will love Anniston, but just can’t get around to telling her, even after she has a stranger’s baby, even after she moves away and then moves back (oh yes, and the description of this movie says she’s a 40 year old woman who decides to have a baby on her own.  So, let me get this straight – a 40 year old woman who magically has no fertility issues does a home insemination and hits it the first time with no problems?  Umm…hello?  Has this ever happened in the history of the world?  And then seven years go by and we’re supposed to believe Anniston is 47 years old.  What?).  So of course at the end of the movie he finally admits his feelings and they get together.  You’re going to tell me Anniston never wanted to punch his lights out for making her go through all this just to end up exactly as they would have a decade earlier, and now it’s too late to have more kids and his son didn’t know him the first seven years of his life?  I would have punched his lights out.

This movie had one amazingly truthful moment in it.  It’s during the “conception party” where Anniston goes off into a room to have a quiet moment and Bateman comes in to talk to her.  She says she knows she’s supposed to feel empowered and excited, but in reality she just feels sad.  If I ever get to have my moment of “trying”, I have to admit I may feel the same way.

The Kids Are All Right

I watched this movie last night and I have to say I really dug it.  It was intelligent (very few movies are) and thoughtful. 

One moment that was sort of shocking to me was when the son says to his half-sister that he thought the donor dad was kind of full of himself.  This thought is then echoed by the other mom, Annette Benning.  I’m so used to these douchey-30-something-motorcycle-driving-organic-eating-wine-loving- “I’m a doer”-type guys that I just assumed all guys are like that – aren’t all single 30-something guys just totally self-involved, smug, self-important pricks?  Every one I’ve ever met is.  And they’re not even going over the top to present this character negatively – he’s actually very human.  And yet I was surprised that he was criticized because to me he’s every guy.  Hmmm.

I loved that Annette Benning yells at him, “We need you like I need a dick in my ass!”  I loved that the kids didn’t really need him, especially the son.  I loved that he decides he does want to grow up and have a family of his own, and the co-worker he’s been banging says, “fuck you,” and walks out (I probably would have cried and thought, “why doesn’t he want all that with me?  Wahhh!”).  I loved that the kids brought such meaning into his life and made him re-evaluate himself.  I loved that Annette Benning says to him, “If you want a family so bad, make one yourself.”  That’s what I want to do, make a family.  Will I be able to?  We’ll see.  But definitely see this movie.  Of all the donor sperm-choice mom-relationship movies it’s by far the best.