June gloom

We're experiencing June gloom here in (normally) sunny So-Cal. This is a phenomenon I was unaware of until I moved here. Contrary to my perception of LA when I lived in New York, it is not, in fact, sunny and hot year 'round. That's Florida. We do actually have seasons. Our winter actually gets cold (30s at night, frost, etc), and some years it rains almost non-stop from November to March (although not recently). One thing you can count on, though, is the June gloom. It's a misty fog that comes off the Pacific and settles over the whole city until the afternoon, making for chilly, sleepy days right when the rest of the country is gearing up for summer. Today is one of those days - I just want to nap and drink strong cups of tea. 

I also woke up horribly nauseated. Before you get all excited, it is physically impossible for me to have any pregnancy symptoms at this point. No, it's because I'm an idiot and binged on ramen and peanut butter and honey when I got home from my gig last night. I keep forgetting I really can't do things like that anymore. I'm 40 and I really, really pay for it later. It did give me a window into how unpleasant it will be to be sick and dragged out of bed at 6 to clean up a poopy diaper and make scrambled eggs. Not that I haven't already considered this ad nauseum (no pun intended).

An update from yesterday, I re-read my father's email and also sent it to my sister, and we both felt I had overreacted a bit. So I'm very glad I didn't send him the angry, hateful response I'd drafted. Yes, he's a weirdo and yes, he drives me nuts when he tries to shame me for not responding quickly enough/in the way he'd like to things he sends or writes - and I absolutely hate this - but I don't need to bite his head off. Ok.

Then my friend left me a kind message where she said she was so sorry her son was throwing things and she hopes I understand she's still trying to figure out how to be a mother. I get it, I really do. We all make mistakes and our kids are never perfect little angels, and they all do things around other kids that embarrass us. I've got heaps of embarrassment ahead of me, I know. Lately every time I go to relieve B of his time in the playpen his little pecker is sticking up out of the top of his diaper because he's pulled it out and has been playing with it. That's going to go over well in preschool.

In the meantime, I have fleshed out babysitting duties during my event with my babysitter. She more or less agreed to stay in the hotel room with him during the four night dances - although I will try to find someone to relieve her so she can go enjoy herself, I don't know who that's going to be. I feel bad. Maybe I'll cut her a big fat check at the end of the weekend, which I don't think she's going to be expecting. Oh, it's going to be a rough year with a toddler! Thank God it's only a few days. And if I am pregnant, by then most of the worst of the sickness will be over. Inch'allah.