Day one

Was surprised to find on my first trip to the toilet after the iui yesterday a LOT of blood. Like, bled through my underwear and jeans type blood. This hasn't happened before, but is still normal - obviously the catheter scraped my lining. There wasn't much after that and none today. A lot of unpleasant cramping, though. And almost forgot to put the progesterone in last night! I'm tempted to not use it this time - they weren't even going to prescribe it for me until I asked. I don't see low progesterone being an issue for me anymore. But I would hate to have a bfn or a chemical pregnancy and wonder if, had I only used it, could I have had a different outcome...? So greasy underpants, here I come!

Already I feel so different this time around. I hate to say it's not as important...but it's not as important. Either that or concern and care for the child that's outside of my body scours my brain of anything else. Well, except for my pre-ovulatory psychosis. Now that that ship has flown I feel back to normal and back to my every day - what is B eating, are his hands clean, when should he nap, etc etc. So I keep kind of forgetting that I just had an iui. Until I remind myself how good and healthy and strong I feel right now and how quickly that may all change. Then I try to savor this moment. Pregnancy, no matter how much wanted, is no picnic. Let's not forget.

Had another SMC meeting today, this time with two new people, and in a park. Parks/picnics are very challenging with B right now. He's at that frustrating (for both of us) in-between phase where he can't really play like a big kid, but doesn't want to sit nicely like a little baby with mommy, either. I can't wait until he's steady on his feet and can play at some of the toddler playgrounds. Right now he just wants to crawl all over and grab things and break things. I basically didn't get to be a part of the meeting at all because I spent the entire time keeping him from crawling over everyone's plates, or chasing him out of the parking lot, or making sure he didn't pick up that pile of dog poop and eat it, or tearing other children's toys out of his hot little hands, always with resultant kicking and screaming and crying. Ugh. Have I mentioned how NOT a fan I am of this age? 

So for upcoming meetings I'm getting a sitter. There's just no other way. Even if it's at my house it's worth it to me to have someone entertain him for a couple of hours while I play host. 

In the meantime I am going to try to keep the next week as peaceful as possible. Yesterday I ditched out of everything - even my weekly grocery trip - because I just want to sit with this, this thing I'm trying to do, and be present with it. This (potential) child deserves mom's attention, too!