Baby daddies

Today I met with a whole new meetup group, one for single mothers. Not single mothers by choice - just single, period. There were four of us, different races and ages and, as it turned out, circumstances. Two of us were donor-conceived-baby mamas. We didn't say much. Why? Because there's no drama in our lives. One poor gal regaled us with her baby daddy tale of woe - what a jerk this guy was, how they can't even agree on what kind of coloring book to buy the little girl, how complicated it is when his family is so invested in the daughter's life but he is not (except to dictate her coloring book options apparently). It reminded me of my own parents' struggle - how basically two people who had nothing in common and couldn't stand each other came together and made a baby, and the mother believed in old school "cry yourself to sleep" parenting while the father was more of an attachment parenting type (hard to believe but true - at least based on my mother's accounts). And I know all of this is well worn territory on this blog and those of other choice moms - but boy am I relieved I don't have to deal with any of that crap!!!

Anyway, friendly, supportive group and I will definitely be spending more time with them. It's funny how I was so bored a few months ago and now my schedule is positively packed - as is so often the case the solution was so simple; just find ways to make new friends. Thanks to the internets this was accomplished quite easily.

I had an (extremely rare) make-out dream last night. It was about kissing this guy I barely know - and have zero interest in - in the dance scene. In the dream we were at some vintage event (and as far as I know he's not even into that aspect of what we do) and he was in a fabulous 40s suit and we kissed and it was just incredible. For much of the day I was under the fog of that dream and had to keep reminding myself that in real life I don't even find this person attractive (although I think he does, me). I often wonder if I'll ever kiss someone like that again - or if even given the chance if I'm too old and jaded to ever be swept away like that again. Is that kind of romance the habitat only of the young? It may very well be. Was my last (disastrous) attempt at whirlwind romance the final nail in the coffin? I think about this entirely dispassionately - don't think I'm sitting here in despair about it. I kind of don't care. It's all illusion, anyway - what starts out as having the hots for someone at best just dissolves into comfortable codependency; at worst you end up with situations like these single moms in my group. Or like a recently divorced friend of mine who now sees her ex's bad traits and wonders if he's always been like that and if so why she never saw it before.

I watch some of these dumb shows on Bravo (usually the six episode "mid-season replacement" type) about all the hot twenty-somethings and their relationship dramas and am simultaneously fascinated and repulsed. Because as much as I want to mock these people I was exactly like that at that age. Who's cheating, who stole who's boyfriend, who's talking crap about who, blah blah blah. I recognize this stuff is just as developmentally appropriate as Bumpus' new found separation anxiety or stool consistency; but boy am I glad all that is behind me!