The Future Sibling

So the clinic didn’t call me back right away about reserving vials of my donor, so I called them again today.  Found out some interesting information.  One is that my donor has other pregnancies!  I didn’t want to ask how many since they get squirrely about giving out too much information, but she said this and also mentioned that other people had called reserving vials for themselves, so I might assume this means more than one person is carrying my donor’s baby right now (I’m pretty sure I’m the first, though, since at the time of my miscarriage they told me he didn’t have any other pregnancies).  I had an odd moment that I will now refer to as my “ugly tuna fish sandwich” moment (from the post on WTE from the woman who cried when her husband made her “ugly” tuna fish sandwiches – ie, I’ll use this term when I know I’m being irrational but can’t help it) where I was like, “but…but…he’s MY donor!”  Um…what?  Where did that come from?  I think all this time I presupposed he had a lack of popularity and therefore developed sort of an odd ownership feeling…but in fact there are other women out there who wanted a red-headed musical baby.  The great news is maybe some of them will sign up on the Donor Sibling Registry!!!  I would be beyond thrilled to meet my son’s half-siblings and their families.

The other thing is the situation MAY not have been as urgent as I assumed – they couldn’t tell me an exact number of available vials, but said he started around 200 (!) and currently hovers over 100.  For some reason I thought they’d only have like 20.  However I reserved four anyway, because I just didn’t want to take the chance that a year and a half from now he’d still be available.  The lady on the phone said she has seen situations where women buy 20+ vials in advance.  But the good news is IF I end up doing this again and IF I use my four vials to no avail, that there’s a chance there will be more available if I need them.  So that’s a bit of a relief.  They also won’t charge me storage until March.  Hooray!

Been getting all my ducks in a row around here.  Like many women in my “condition” I am determined to have everything in the best shape possible for when the baby comes…so all those house projects I’ve been putting off for literally years, I would like to try to get done now.  I have a handyman coming over Thurs to fix my gate, and I will ask her about doing some painting and wallpaper stripping for me and see if I can afford it or if I should try to do at least part of the job myself (I could do the painting, but the wallpaper stripping and sanding is beyond my ability…and patience).  I have a long list of random small tasks that need to be done…little tweaks and fixes that will just put my mind at ease so I can focus on new mother insanity when the time comes. 

Yesterday my Old Navy order arrived, and I was DELIGHTED by everything I got.  The jean skirt fit perfectly, with room to grow (it has a panel in the front – very comfy); the leggings were soft and fit well, and the mommy & me jammie set for the hospital was super cute and also fit perfectly.  I looked at the little onesie and hat for the baby and it was completely unreal to me – a) that in five months a baby, MY baby, will be wearing it, and b) that I would EVER even own something like that, after literally decades of buying those things for other people, wrapping them up in cute paper, and giving them away.  All of this still feels very unreal to me.  I look around this house…now with a crib in the middle of the dining room…and simply cannot believe that a child will one day be running around here.  Nope.  It’s never going to happen.  It’s just going to be me, alone, until the day I die.  This was my destiny.  Yet somehow I grabbed fate by the balls and twisted them my way.  Weird, huh?  Still can’t wrap my mind around that.