Here is a post from my journal today. One odd thing that's going on is I have started using OPKs and they have grown fainter the last three days instead of stronger, and I should be having a surge by tomorrow. Have no idea what this means.
3:03 PM
So after a day of phone calls and e-mails back and forth, finally tracked down this Dr. X at a clinic other than Kaiser (I guess because I’m not covered for fertility I can’t go there…who knows). So set up an appointment at this X fertility place. I think the lady on the phone didn’t like me so much after I asked how much it was going to cost for the initial consultation and when she told me $350 I gasped, “Good God!” I am still wondering if it’s worth it – after all, he can’t tell me anything from the first consultation. I asked the lady if I should wait until after my labs are run in two weeks and she said no, just come in. So I have an appointment Tuesday. I’m glad I can get in so soon – but at the same time, nervous because I am spending a hell of a lot of money probably just to be told “well, we need to run those Day 3 labs” (no shit). If that’s the case, then this will be yet another instance of getting wrong information, going through with a whole paperwork extravaganza and another expense only to be told “we can’t tell you anything.” Sounds like fun!
There was something oddly comforting about filling out all those forms, though, and being able to check “no” for just about everything. I thought of all the women who have had to check “yes” to a bunch of physical problems, also having to write the amount of time they’ve been trying (I can honestly say “none”). I also get a perverse kick about leaving all the “spouse” and sex part empty. When they ask if you have pain after or during sex, I feel like writing, “ummm…what sex?” The few times I’ve been asked in person about my “partner” I never feel funny or ashamed when I say, “Oh, I don’t have one,” I find myself saying it loud and proud, almost daring them to have a problem with that. So far nobody has.
So at least I’ll have the results of my Friday ultrasound to bring the person. They say the office visit can run about an hour, so maybe for once I can have a nice long chat and ask stuff I’m dying to know, such as: can birth control really jack you up this badly for this long or am I using it as an excuse? Isn’t it possible to ovulate and have low progesterone – as in, women get pregnant with low progesterone, so how do we know my low progesterone means no ovulation? What does my thin lining/light periods mean? Should I take Clomid or something else to kick start ovulation if I am in fact not ovulating? Is there anything you can tell me right now that I don’t have to wait for FSH levels to find out? And here’s your check.
I’m trying to justify the costs by telling myself I could easily spend that much in one shopping spree at Anthropologie. But honestly that $350 is going to KILL ME right now. If they tell me they can’t tell me anything until my Day 3 labs are run and I should come back in two weeks, I just might have to kill THEM.
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