Resolution

I couldn’t hold it in so I asked to have a talk with the H, and we did, and it went really well. I think we’re both really good at conflict resolution - I’m good at presenting things not in a blaming, attacking way but more coming from a place of “this is how I’ve been feeling,” and we’re both good at listening and not taking things personally and recognizing fixing the relationship is the most important thing, not proving who is right or trying to make someone feel guilty. He very much copped to things and apologized and admitted he’s very reactive and that he needs to not just clap back when I’m being cranky or impatient; also I misunderstood a few things, and he realized he does need to step up his game when it comes to planning dates for us and saying the nice things I need to hear rather than just assuming I know so he doesn’t have to say it. The most useful piece of relationship advice I ever got was “everyone thinks they’re easy to live with, and nobody is.” It’s so true. We all think we’re angels and yet we’re not. I’m just glad we had a really productive talk and I feel safe with him again. Not that I ever felt legitimately unsafe - I just felt like retreating into my shell, which is my go-to. I feel like I can crawl back into the sunlight now.

I went by the boys’ new school today and discovered, much to my chagrin, that Theo was not admitted to the gifted magnet after all but is in the regular school but in a “gifted cluster”. Which basically means he’s just in the regular school but kinda gets some gifted instruction inside a regular classroom. This explains how he got in so easily - this is how schools get more gifted kids than their gifted magnet can take, especially in situations like this where they were really desperate to get Bobby into that small 6th grade class; they just do this sort of half-assed cluster thing that nobody seems to know about (nobody in the school office knew what this was). So after a lot of back and forth and my insisting he had been admitted to the gifted program and phone calls made and waiting around, I re-read the email and sure enough it said “gifted cluster”, not “gifted magnet”. The coordinator snippily emailed me back that her email had “clearly stated” he wasn’t in the magnet; but honestly I just saw “gifted” and everything else was a blur, and how the fuck am I supposed to know the difference? Between this and all the accounting nightmares with that school group I’m so sick of people talking to me in their professional lingo and expecting me to know how to translate into English. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine.

I was pretty taken aback in the moment but took the stacks of paperwork anyway and thought it through - first, Theo gets an awesome, sought after teacher next year (LAUSD’s Teacher of the Year, apparently), he does get *some* level of gifted education as opposed to none which is what he’d get at his current school, and he’ll get three extra magnet points because Bobby’s now in the magnet. So we can continue to apply for the magnet within that school, and there’s a chance he’ll even get in for 5th or 6th thanks to the extra points. And his being there allows for Bobby to be there, which means Bobby gets a great year of highly gifted instruction and a much better chance of getting into any Jr High we may want, which would be more difficult if he stayed at his current school. And I don’t have the inconvenience of kids in two different schools, and worrying about Theo being left behind. So it’s not what I wanted, and Theo isn’t in a magnet, but I still think he’s better off there. And if I’m wrong, he can go right back to his current school.

I had to get a permit at his current school so Theo could leave, and the office workers were sad, and the principal was sad, and it was just heartbreaking. I don’t have the signed permit so I have to go back tomorrow if I want to try to get our applications in before I leave on Thursday; it may have to wait until I get back and school is over. I was wanting to put this to bed now but it may have to wait until next week.

In other news, the school booster club’s former accountant that I fired just sent me and the president a copy of an email sent to me last May with all the tax returns and instructions on how to file them, proving she didn’t drop the ball, I did. I swear I never got that email - how could I have gotten it and just never filed all the returns and just let it sit there? - but I must have. And I have no record of it since I switched computers and all my old emails got deleted. I’m having one of those awful moments where I’m questioning my competency - not filing returns from two years ago is a huge fuck up - how could it have happened??? The only thing I can think is it must have ended up in my spam folder or something (but I check it every day, so I don’t know how that’s possible, either). Anyway, it doesn’t matter, they’re filed now, the new treasurer got voted in tonight, and we’re not even at this school anymore in three days. But boy do I feel like an idiot. Between this and my not understanding about Theo’s actual position in this new school, I’m not doing so great managing my life at the moment, apparently.