Back home

We had a harrowing journey home, which involved flights being delayed on Sunday to the point that we’d miss our connecting flight, so the three of us (guitar, vocals and drums) opted to re-book ourselves for the next day and spent the night back at the same hotel. Unlike the two guys, I had all my stuff in a carry on and had packed extra clothes, so I was in a good position to stay another day.

Monday we were loaded onto, and off of, a flight three times as they tried to fix the AC. We then had to rebook our connecting flight which we had missed, but could only get on the next flight standby. Thankfully we all got on, though, and got home sans luggage at about 10 pm. Phew! Traveling these days is no joke. I’m glad this is the last time I get on a plane for the foreseeable future. Other than the campervan road trip, we’re grounded until after the event is over. 

The boys’ camp continues without incident. But honestly, Bobby’s pretty over it - he texted me at noon yesterday to be picked up, to which I of course said no. I guess it’s not fun at his age to be surrounded by really little kids - these camps are really aimed at kids 5-7; after that, the older kids, especially at the top end of the spectrum, only really enjoy the Friday field trips. One more week after this and then they’re done until August.

After fretting about my weight gain all weekend (whilst stuffing my face and not moving), I decided that yes, I will take another stab at losing a few pounds before my event, which is ten weeks away. I’m going to do a modified 5:2 plan; increase the fast day calories from 500 to 800 (a lot more manageable) and reduce the non-fast days to 1500 (totally doable). All it takes is resolve, really, and thankfully I have that back now - mostly after discovering that none of the cute summer clothes I’ve ordered off Etsy fit. And they would all fit if I just lost 5lbs. So here we go. Did 800 calories yesterday, on track to do 1500 today if I can restrain myself at tonight’s book club. We shall see how it goes.

Band trip

I’m in Baltimore on my first traveling gig with the band since early 2020, possibly even 2019. We had the rare offer to play a wedding in DC on Saturday and so tacked on a Friday dance venue gig here in Baltimore. This interaction with non-California dance people is something I’ve really missed, that used to be a big part of my life. Sadly the steady east coast gigs we used to do - many of them for ten, fifteen years at a stretch - are now all gone; since re-opening they’ve all started hiring local bands to save money, and I doubt they’ll change this policy any time soon. I understand, but it sucks. It definitely is one of many factors making me feel disconnected from the dance world at large. Without Knott’s all summer and at Christmas our band would hardly play at all. Strange times we’re in right now. I’m glad I’m not dependent on singing for income.

There were no more issues with Theo and this other kid at camp, knock wood. I’m still trepidatious about it all. The kids have only two more weeks there, then most of July off, then the two weeks before school starts in August. I think I’ll feel much better when we get through these remaining weeks in June. I don’t know why that whole incident shook me up so much, but it did. Maybe it just plays into my general anxiety about all the changes coming up with starting a new school and how the burden of navigating all of that, between the technical stuff (supplies, rules, drop offs, etc) plus managing everyone’s feelings, falls to me as the parent, and how stressful that is (especially with my 25th anniversary event falling three weeks into the new school year). It’s a whole thing.

The cabin is *still* not completely finished, with (at this moment) no concrete plans to wrap it up. The guys came back this week to apply all of the siding, and it looks amazing, and I can breathe a sigh of relief that the shell underneath is officially protected. I’m assuming they finished up the interior walls as well, so now all we’re left with is paint and one lower window shutter to be installed. Unfortunately temperatures are set to sail up close to 110° starting next weekend, which means a) they probably won’t come out to paint any time soon and b) we can’t go out for 4th of July, which is disappointing. The contractor is trying to get me to pay the rest (I think?) which makes me nervous because I’ve been bitten so many times paying in full before a job is done - so I really don’t want to do that. I would hate for this good relationship to sour at the very end and be left with an unpainted cabin that is surrounded by debris that we’d then have to clean up. As of right now I’m waiting for a confirmation on when they’re coming out again. Everything is hanging in the balance. And if the temperatures keep up this summer, which I predict they will, it may be a very long time before we see it again. Like, months. 

In the meantime I’m trying to get the fussier aspects of the event organized - things I usually leave until the last minute, when I have no bandwidth left for small details. Scheduling stuff, design and decoration stuff, little extras that I get too exhausted to deal with later. Especially with the special anniversary I can’t slack. It occurred to me that from now on, these anniversaries won’t hold much weight - will anyone care about the 30th, or 40th, or 45th? Not really. The 50th will be a big deal, if it happens, but of course I’ll be 76 years old by then with grown children and a completely different life. Will I even be in charge at that point? Who knows. I certainly couldn’t have predicted 25 years ago what my life looks like now. Would 26 year old me be pleased? I think so. I’d be surprised the event was still going, happy I have two kids and a good relationship, happy I’m a homeowner, horrified by what happened to my mother, not thrilled with my weight gain (as little as it’s been) and the general age-related deterioration of my body and ability (or willingness) to actually do things. I’m definitely settling into middle age, and I don’t like it, but I also have to ask myself *why* I don’t like it, and do I have unrealistic expectations about what my body should look like and what kind of activities I should be able to engage in at this point. Or am I just a fat, lazy slob who needs to get off her ass and work out and be “fabulous at any age” (ie be 51 but work my ass off and starve to have the appearance that came completely effortlessly ten years ago)? These are the questions that plague me more than I care to admit. I make scattershot attempts at weight loss, but mostly just eat sparingly all day and then binge on snacks at 10 pm in bed when all my resolve deteriorates. I still have not tried those diet pills that have been sitting in my cupboard for months. I feel like if I try those, I need to decide I’m back on the weight loss train, which right now, I’m not. But I’m also slowly but surely re-gaining all the weight I lost from Christmas, and with my event around the corner, that’s not great. Can I start up again after this trip when I’ll have more control over what I eat at home, when it’ll be hot and I’ll naturally want to eat more healthfully? Is that a good time to try again? I don’t know. I just want to sit in bed and eat snacks. Why can’t I just do that? 

A week in

First week of the new schedule and it wasn’t without a bump - Theo got in trouble for roughhousing at camp; I don’t think it was particularly serious, but it was serious enough that the other kid complained to his mother, twice, and that mother complained to the camp director and the camp director pulled me aside at pick up one day. She thankfully wasn’t overly concerned - I’m sure navigating these complaints is a huge part of her job - and said she’d talk to both kids to get the full story, since upsetting words were used like “he choked me” and even worse, “he touched my penis”. That one had me really afraid - are my kids going to be kicked out of camp the first week of summer? Is Theo going to be labeled as some disturbed sexually deviant kid? I was a nervous wreck all week as this was going on. According to Theo, he had been roughhousing with this kid and had actually put him in a choke hold for a second (sigh), so a stern talking to was had over that. He and Bobby do that stuff all the time, and we’ve warned them you can’t play like that with other kids (and really shouldn’t be playing like that at all). The touching penis part - I’m sure was an accidental part of the play. But still, it was all pretty awful. Both boys were flummoxed by this and said the kid was their friend that they play with all the time. On Friday the camp director brought them together and said no more rough play and that is hopefully it. But I’ll admit I’m afraid at drop offs and pick ups now, that an angry mom is going to confront me and accuse my kid of being a sexual predator. I know if I thought some kid was doing that to my kid I’d be freaked out and angry. These kids have never been in any kind of trouble and in fact are always the “we just love your kids!” boys in every situation so it’s been really upsetting. I’m worried maybe this other kid is the type of kid to complain about every little thing and is going to keep accusing Theo of things…only time will tell. Yet another reason to not feel great about leaving town again on Thursday for four days. I’m making contingency plans in case Theo is in fact kicked out. I don’t see it escalating to that point - I know Theo got the message - but I’m still scared. At least they have tomorrow off so I have one more day of not dealing with it.

In the meantime, I’m starting to worry, ever so slightly, about my actual turnout at my event this year. A month ago I said I was on track to have a huge year…but now, I’m not so sure. It’s been six weeks and I’ve maybe been getting one person a day, maybe less. My numbers have barely budged, and there’s almost no money coming in. Thankfully I don’t need it to survive at the moment, and it’s still so early. I know people won’t start thinking about this event in any real way until later in July and August. But based on how last year went, how there was no last-minute push, I’m starting to wonder if, instead of getting 600 more people, I may only get 200-300 more, keeping my numbers closer to last year’s, which would be…not great. Of course less income means less taxes, so financially it may turn out more or less the same. And I know the hotel being full is a big deterrent - I started giving up the dream of having a huge year when that happened. But it’s post-covid and everything is weird and shitty. Everything is expensive and everyone is broke. For the first time in twenty years I’m worried about my future doing this event - with the hotel getting greedier and greedier, I’m concerned getting a contract I can live with for 2026 may not be possible here or anywhere else; I’m trying to get creative about different spaces but no matter what, everything costs a fortune. I’d have to charge $1000 a ticket and nobody will pay that. I’m supposed to be going into my 25th year with a huge turnout and a bright future; instead I’m terrified my great run of running this event has finally come to an end. I’m genuinely scared. 

Summertime sorta

Our relentless June gloom continues, but it looks like it may lift by the end of the week, which would be very welcome. Weeks of grey skies and cool temperatures is not terribly motivating. 

Today we moved on to the intermediary phase, which is summer, in which the kids are in the holding tank known as rec center summer camp. Theo was more enthused about it than Bobby, which is not surprising. I told them to ask kids their age if they go to their new school. Especially for Theo, I’d hope he’d make some new friends before school starts. He’s the one that’s at the new school for the long haul (three years). 

My trip east went well. Five of us stayed in an Airbnb in east Boston and had large groups of other relatives over for breakfast each day, which was a chaotic riot of managing plates and cups and plates of scrambled eggs and buttered toast from under the broiler. My cousin’s wedding was lovely and everyone admired my 40s outfit to the point that I was worried I was attracting too much attention to myself. Dressing 40s is the only way I know how to look fancy. 

As always now, most discussions revolved around getting older and our decaying bodies. My sister was worried about her step mother’s mental and physical decline - and it’s definitely evident; well, this is the phase of life we’re in. It’s nice to think we’ll all be spry and sharp and then just die in bed, but that’s rarely the case - usually there’s years of depressing shutting down, and that’s just part of life. I’ve seen it so many times now with our dance old timers. You can’t help them, we all have to go through it. But you can walk beside them so they’re not alone. 

As hoped, the trip did knock me mostly out of my blues over school ending. I sent the principal flowers she hopefully will get today since today is the official last day of school. Sadly I still have a certain amount of treasurer work to do, so I may still have to go to the school to pick up checks and things like that, which is a huge drag. When I am done with things I like to just have a clean break. Well, I may have to shove some of these jobs on to the new person in a couple of weeks. I’m seriously losing incentive to keep going at this point. 

So now we’re in summer mode even though it doesn’t feel like summer. Later wake ups, hopefully later pickups, no homework, no school things to keep track of. It’s like all parents, kids, and school employees are able to take a deep breath and exhale. I’m here for it. 

Don’t look back

It’s been a difficult couple of days, making last minute arrangements for the kids to switch schools and handling all the emotions around that (or not handling them). Yesterday I got out the birth certificates, proof of residency, immunization records, the signed permit for Theo, and the reams of filled-out paperwork and brought them to the new school. We’re officially in. And officially out of Mt Washington Elementary, which breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. After I picked up the permit from the office and the kind secretary said again how sad they all were to be losing our “sweet boys”, I sat in the car and sobbed. I can’t believe it’s over. And yet here we are.

To make myself feel better, I keep reminding myself of the realities - I love that school, but it’s not perfect. Due to a crop of exceptionally shitty 4th graders, the year was marred by violence and bullying; and if Bobby stayed he’d be in a 5/6 split classroom (already not great) that would include some of those kids. About 2/3 of the 5th graders are leaving, including many of the kids Bobby’s known since kindergarten, so the school, for both of us, would be a bit of a lonely place next year - so many familiar faces will be gone. It’s the new generation’s time now - all new parents and little kids; our time is up. Like it or not, next year just wouldn’t have been the same. When I went to Eagle Rock to register the kids they were in the middle of a giant thumping dance party in the schoolyard - awards, maybe, or 6th grade graduation - and that’s the kind of thing that would never be possible at our little school. Bobby and Theo are moving on to better possibilities and we’re doing the right thing. But boy do I hate goodbyes.

Here are the memories I’ll treasure about Mt Washington. I remember the end of summer 2017 when Bobby started kindergarten, and the smell of eucalyptus as I walked him down the ramp to the yard, and how I carried three-year-old Theo on my back. Beck’s “Colors” had come out just then, and it was the soundtrack to our lives - everything was strange and new, after years of expensive preschools and complicated schedules, here we were finally in real public school. The school I’d had on my radar since I bought the house in 2001. Then came the years of both boys in school together finally, tragically cut short at the end of Theo’s kindergarten year by covid. Then the year of hiking past the school during covid, looking at it longingly as it sat empty for so long. The Halloween carnivals and pancake breakfasts and shows in the MPR. It’s hard to imagine I was ever so young or they were ever so young. 

I asked Bobby last night if he knew why parents get sad at their kids’ growing up. He said, is it because you get to spend less time with them? I said yes, but also because it means we’re all closer to death. That’s what this is all really about, at its core - mortality, and facing it, in all its crushing finality. There would never have been a scenario in which these kids would stay at this school forever; this moment was inevitable, whether it was next year or the year after or the year after that. Nothing gold can stay. 

I’ve spent a lot of time the last two days driving around our “new neighborhood” to get my mind off of everything we’ve lost - the elementary school is a quarter mile from the jr/sr high, so there is a scenario in which Theo and Bobby could one day walk to each other’s schools if need be, assuming we go to the jr/sr high. The neighborhoods are decent, and familiar, and I imagine many of the kids at their summer camp will also be at their elementary school, so hopefully they can make some friends this summer that will carry on through the year. 

I’ve been getting messages from sympathetic parents saying what a great opportunity we have and how sad they are to see us go - the principal in particular said she’d really miss us, and I believe her although the kids said, “I bet she says that to everyone” #cynics 

Thankfully a mom I’ve known since kindergarten who is really the only friend I’ve made at this school also has a kid who left MWE last year for the HG program, and we’ve been in touch a lot about this, and she’s been very helpful. She told me yesterday that Bobby’s current teacher, the one with the PhD, has been poached to join the new school, too, and I’m delighted by this even though it’s unlikely either kid will get her again (B definitely won’t, and Theo won’t because he won’t be in the HG program). My friend has a younger girl at MWE still and says she’s hoping she can move over, too. So I’m not going to say there’s a mass exodus from our school, but it does sort of feel that way. I’m glad to not be among those left behind, to be honest. My friend will also be a good ally in investigating jr high schools this year - I want to make sure I explore all options now that situations have changed. So we are definitely not alone, thank goodness. 

In a couple of hours I get on a plane to join my family for my cousin’s wedding in Boston, which will be a much needed break from all of this. I’ve been a wreck for days and seriously need a change of scenery. I need to put all eyes front and cheer up, and stop looking back. 

Resolution

I couldn’t hold it in so I asked to have a talk with the H, and we did, and it went really well. I think we’re both really good at conflict resolution - I’m good at presenting things not in a blaming, attacking way but more coming from a place of “this is how I’ve been feeling,” and we’re both good at listening and not taking things personally and recognizing fixing the relationship is the most important thing, not proving who is right or trying to make someone feel guilty. He very much copped to things and apologized and admitted he’s very reactive and that he needs to not just clap back when I’m being cranky or impatient; also I misunderstood a few things, and he realized he does need to step up his game when it comes to planning dates for us and saying the nice things I need to hear rather than just assuming I know so he doesn’t have to say it. The most useful piece of relationship advice I ever got was “everyone thinks they’re easy to live with, and nobody is.” It’s so true. We all think we’re angels and yet we’re not. I’m just glad we had a really productive talk and I feel safe with him again. Not that I ever felt legitimately unsafe - I just felt like retreating into my shell, which is my go-to. I feel like I can crawl back into the sunlight now.

I went by the boys’ new school today and discovered, much to my chagrin, that Theo was not admitted to the gifted magnet after all but is in the regular school but in a “gifted cluster”. Which basically means he’s just in the regular school but kinda gets some gifted instruction inside a regular classroom. This explains how he got in so easily - this is how schools get more gifted kids than their gifted magnet can take, especially in situations like this where they were really desperate to get Bobby into that small 6th grade class; they just do this sort of half-assed cluster thing that nobody seems to know about (nobody in the school office knew what this was). So after a lot of back and forth and my insisting he had been admitted to the gifted program and phone calls made and waiting around, I re-read the email and sure enough it said “gifted cluster”, not “gifted magnet”. The coordinator snippily emailed me back that her email had “clearly stated” he wasn’t in the magnet; but honestly I just saw “gifted” and everything else was a blur, and how the fuck am I supposed to know the difference? Between this and all the accounting nightmares with that school group I’m so sick of people talking to me in their professional lingo and expecting me to know how to translate into English. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine.

I was pretty taken aback in the moment but took the stacks of paperwork anyway and thought it through - first, Theo gets an awesome, sought after teacher next year (LAUSD’s Teacher of the Year, apparently), he does get *some* level of gifted education as opposed to none which is what he’d get at his current school, and he’ll get three extra magnet points because Bobby’s now in the magnet. So we can continue to apply for the magnet within that school, and there’s a chance he’ll even get in for 5th or 6th thanks to the extra points. And his being there allows for Bobby to be there, which means Bobby gets a great year of highly gifted instruction and a much better chance of getting into any Jr High we may want, which would be more difficult if he stayed at his current school. And I don’t have the inconvenience of kids in two different schools, and worrying about Theo being left behind. So it’s not what I wanted, and Theo isn’t in a magnet, but I still think he’s better off there. And if I’m wrong, he can go right back to his current school.

I had to get a permit at his current school so Theo could leave, and the office workers were sad, and the principal was sad, and it was just heartbreaking. I don’t have the signed permit so I have to go back tomorrow if I want to try to get our applications in before I leave on Thursday; it may have to wait until I get back and school is over. I was wanting to put this to bed now but it may have to wait until next week.

In other news, the school booster club’s former accountant that I fired just sent me and the president a copy of an email sent to me last May with all the tax returns and instructions on how to file them, proving she didn’t drop the ball, I did. I swear I never got that email - how could I have gotten it and just never filed all the returns and just let it sit there? - but I must have. And I have no record of it since I switched computers and all my old emails got deleted. I’m having one of those awful moments where I’m questioning my competency - not filing returns from two years ago is a huge fuck up - how could it have happened??? The only thing I can think is it must have ended up in my spam folder or something (but I check it every day, so I don’t know how that’s possible, either). Anyway, it doesn’t matter, they’re filed now, the new treasurer got voted in tonight, and we’re not even at this school anymore in three days. But boy do I feel like an idiot. Between this and my not understanding about Theo’s actual position in this new school, I’m not doing so great managing my life at the moment, apparently. 

Anniversary

I told the kids over Carl’s Jr burgers in the car in Pomona on the way to the desert. I framed it as, guess what, the school that wanted Bobby for the gifted program now wants Theo, too! And unsurprisingly they were delighted by this - Bobby was a little annoyed he’d have to tell all his friends again that he’s leaving, but not much. They don’t need to know that they’re actually in different programs - gifted vs highly gifted - or that Theo was a bargaining chip because they really really wanted Bobby to flesh out that tiny 6th grade (and I still think they bent the rules a bit and expanded the definition of “highly gifted” to admit him). But whatever - we’ll take it. I’m going to drive them by the school today after I pick them up so we can all get a look at it and see how it feels. This is more for me than them, of course. They’re super adaptable. Me, not so much. I’m gutted this is their last year at MWE - and more so that I can’t even be there for their last two days since I’ll be in Boston. I have three more drop offs and pick ups and that’s it. 

In other news, we finally got to stay in a cabin that had significant progress - I took hardly any pictures, but here’s a couple:

We did things we’d been talking about for years - went to the newly refurbished Luckie Park pool (it was freezing - hopefully it’ll warm up over the summer), went to the Glass Outhouse, a wonderful wacky art gallery near us (and I wanted to buy all the things), and finally got all of the hammocks set up with proper hooks and rope and had a little camp fire and stayed out there at night under the full moon, which was one of the most magical things I’ve ever done. Both boys fell asleep, and just as we were all settling in, the bar down the road was having an outdoor concert and started playing “Heroes” which was our wedding song. Couldn’t have been more appropriate. 

I’m sorry to say our anniversary weekend was marred by a really awful fight on Saturday morning - our first in several years - that I’m still smarting from. I was trying to get him to look at paint colors with me from samples I’d gotten, and he got frustrated that I wasn’t fanning them out the way he wanted me to so he could see them all at once, and when I tried to hand them to him so he could do it the way he wanted (because suddenly this was so important), he snapped and snatched them out of my hand and shoved them into my purse and said forget it, which to me was way out of line and a total overreaction. I told him he gets frustrated so easily and he needs to give me a fucking break, and he snapped back, and walked away. It was horrible. We literally went from zero to sixty in less than five seconds and I still don’t even really know what happened, but I do feel like it was 100% his fault, and if you asked him I’m sure he’d say the same about me. He can be very impatient and demanding, and I hate that, especially when he would never meet his own standards. Thankfully these incidents are extremely rare - the last time we had a fight of this caliber was probably three years ago - but that’s also because I rarely push back and choose to let things roll off my back rather than live in constant conflict. But I’m starting to think our relationship may need a little calibration - if something like this happens again, or he makes some comment that makes me feel shitty, I need to tell him he needs to think about how he talks to me sometimes and how it makes me feel. It’s little things, like “well, obviously you weren’t listening” or one time I was praising him for taking the kids to a Marvel movie I didn’t want to go to, and he said, “well, somebody has to take these kids to the movies…” Just shitty unnecessary stuff like that that I don’t think he even thinks about, but he should. 

To his credit, he immediately apologized and said he didn’t want to fight over stupid shit and gave me a big hug. So there is that. He’s always the first to apologize, which is good. But I couldn’t shake it, to be honest. I think it’s because stuff like that makes you feel unsafe - especially when it’s a situation where a person snaps and you don’t even know why; it makes you feel like you’re walking on egg shells. What random thing is going to set them off next time? 

We got all dressed up and took pictures at our wedding site, and that all went well, but honestly I had this cloud over me the whole time. I think between that awful work fiasco where I barely saw him for nearly three months and now this, I’m just not feeling great. I’m glad to get to go to Boston this week to get away on my own and be in the bosom of my family of origin right now; I need a break. 

Plan C

Yesterday as I was laboring for hours to get the treasurer paperwork in order for the new person who will be sworn in on Tuesday (hallelujah), I didn’t answer a phone call that came in. It didn’t have a name but I thought it looked like the number of the magnet councelor that wanted Bobby to go to the highly gifted program next year. Since I already decided Bobby wouldn’t go, I let it go to voicemail. But my phone often doesn’t show me I have a voicemail until many hours - even days - later, so nothing popped up, and I forgot about it. 

After school we attended a fun farewell to the 5th graders party (most of 5th grade is leaving school for junior high elsewhere). Those of us staying for 6th commiserated about how much we don’t like that 6th grade next year will be a 5/6 split, and how those 5th graders may include the extremely problematic 4th graders of this year who have been the talk of the school with their bullying and misbehavior. 

I got home and just couldn’t get to sleep, so at 2 AM I got out of bed, and saw the voicemail had arrived from the earlier call. It was indeed the magnet counselor who was calling, and with some very interesting news…the school *might* be willing to admit Theo, as well, if I could send over his latest report card. She said she would need it by today and would go beg the principal once she got it. I frantically dug around for the report card - thankfully I put it somewhere obvious and didn’t toss it - scanned and emailed it, and then first thing this morning got the response that yes, Theo can attend 4th grade in the gifted program. I accepted, and she sent information on how to meet with the school next week to get them both enrolled. So that’s it. We have five more days at Mount Washington Elementary and then we’ll never go there again. I’m full of emotions about it all. 

Plan A had been for both kids to finish out their time at MWE and graduate.

Plan B had been for Bobby to attend the highly gifted program at this other school for one year while Theo finished up at MWE and graduated 6th grade.

Now we’re on to the unexpected Plan C, which is both boys leave school - Bobby for one year of the highly gifted program and Theo for three years of the gifted program. Despite my reluctance to leave MWE - emotional attachment, really - this is really what’s best for them both. I’m really happy for Theo that he gets this opportunity at such a young age; I can see him really blossoming in an environment like that. 

And Bobby can have a much better environment for 6th grade than his current arrangement would provide, and, as it turns out, being at this new school will pretty much guarantee he can go to any jr high he wants, which would not be the case if he stayed at MWE. He’ll get twelve points just for one year in a gifted program. And Theo will get those points plus sibling points, so will also have his pick of schools. 

And for me, I’ll still have two kids in one school. And if they do move on to the jr/sr high I have my eye on, it’s only 3 minutes from this school, so for the two years they’d be apart the drop offs would still be really easy. 

I can’t believe all of this is happening in the last week of school. Right now these kids don’t know - I’m waiting for the H to be around so we can tell them together - and I’m rehearsing how to frame it. I know B will be exasperated by all the changes - first it’s on, then off, then on again. But I think this is a really good reason to change course. I’m excited to see who they can be, put into a different environment than just regular ol’ school. I really think they’ll rise to the occasion. 

Here’s Bobby at his 5th grade party not knowing it’ll be the last ever with these kids and this school. Phew! This is going to be a big transition. I’m glad I have a weekend in the desert to sort out my feelings about it all.