I had to take a moment to think about how things looked and felt the last time I dropped the kids off together - March 13, 2020, Theo’s birthday, in which I pulled up the car and turned around and told them to be extra nice to their teachers and friends because they may not see them for a long time (little did I suspect how long) - and how different things are now. And what a good place I’m at, mentally and emotionally.
A year later, and we’ve all managed to stay healthy. Both me and the BF are two weeks away from our second shot, which means we are already 80% protected against infection. I’m planning for my event to return, and it’s very likely to happen, and could be an incredible celebration of life if it does. I managed to channel my need to organize experiences into awesome trips for the family, which kept us all sane, taught me a new appreciation for my adopted state, and may have started a lifelong love of the desert (property still in jeopardy, but a lot of activity has happened this week between the title company and escrow company so there may be some progress there). The government help has been tremendous and I want for nothing. And the thing I feared most (other than being sick or dying) - that my relationship would not survive the stress of being in each other’s faces constantly, unemployment, and general pandemic depression - turned out to not be an issue at all. We have definitely grown closer because of covid - he’s really stepped up to be a contributing part of this family, taken a huge burden off me, and kept me feeling safe and loved. I know myself and this shit would have been hard and lonely without him. And I never would have headed into the desert alone with two kids, not ever. Having a partner that actually helps and contributes? Gold, I tell you.
So I don’t think I would have predicted this as the end of my pandemic story; I think I would have pictured myself a lot more ragged and bitter at this point. But I’m not bitter. I don’t intend to hang on to the horror of last year. I intend to move on and never speak of it again. We survived. Science saved us, and sooner than we’d predicted. Kids are back at school. Events are starting. Today our band got our first gig offer - and of course I can’t do it because we’ll be camping that weekend. My sister will make her first LA visit in...gosh, probably almost two years, as our last visit we headed to Florida. My book clubs and movie clubs are planning our first in-person meets. I got through all of this without yelling at anyone or gaining a ton of weight, both things I was afraid of.
It’s all happening. Right now I’m just full of gratitude, and it feels good.
Could things go the wrong way for California? Sure. We’re all watching and waiting. Next month will be very telling as people in the last tier like me finally get full immunity and the last stragglers come through at the end. Personally - I think we’ll be fine. As much as the pandemic exponentially gets out of control, it also exponentially gets under control as the virus finds fewer and fewer people to infect due to immunity from vaccines or Christmastime infections. It’s not gone - and I don’t mean to be flippant about the tremendous suffering in many parts of the world. That could have been us, under a Trump second term. Shudder. But for now we’re getting to the end, and I’m overjoyed about that.
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