Renovating

Thanks, everyone, for the condolences on my dog. I think I'm all cried out now - I hope! I had a good old sob yesterday that did me a world of good, in which I let myself cry like a baby for a few minutes and speak out loud all the things that were bothering me - that I was sorry I hadn't made her last days better, that I was sorry I didn't hold her before they took her away, that I was sorry the baby took her place. Sometimes it helps to say things out loud even when nobody's listening, you know? I did a similar thing when my aunt died.

Of course yesterday I went on my Silverlake walk which passes a dog park and I saw a man running out of it with a bloody chihuahua in his arms (I'm assuming the dog got attacked by another dog), and then today I watched the Louis CK HBO special for a little laugh and his first bit is about a sad old lady and her little dog that should be flushed down the toilet. Ahhhhhh!!!

At least Project Reclaim Office has begun. Tonight I painstakingly sifted through about six years of papers and files - oy! I discovered I never had my healthcare directive signed by witnesses, and also unearthed all my old fertility clinic info, like the printout of all the donors and my notes, which I kept. I am looking forward to doing a deep clean in there and redecorating a little - for so many months the office was this sad, abandoned place; now it's time to spruce it up and make it a place of work and joy again.

I had my second SMC meeting today - a few new people came which was cool. The group may soon outgrow my little house (it's one of the sucky things about vintage houses - no good space for entertaining). My dream is to have a real meeting space with childcare and all that - but that's a ways off yet. Many of us mentioned the need for real community in the single mom world - as in, babysitting help, someone to call in an emergency, etc. Hopefully this will happen for us. I know that if I'm successful in pursuing #2 I will definitely need help during the conception/pregnancy/new baby times. For sure I won't be able to handle all that alone, especially if I have a troubled pregnancy. Knock wood that doesn't happen.