Stages

Today solidified for me that B has come to the age where the hang-out-with-our-babies-on-blankets routine no longer works. I went to a meetup at an outdoor mall that had a kid's music thing...and it just sucked for me. Most of the babies in the group are younger than B - five to nine months old - and the difference between that age set and the over-ones is huge. I get it now, the restrictions some mommy groups have on babies' ages. When half the babies are lying peacefully on their blankets and the other half are trampling them and grabbing toys out of their hands, it just doesn't work. We of course are the tramplers.

So B kept crawling on to the awful straw-like fake grass (I called it "spray painted grass") that got all over EVERYTHING; every time I stood up a shower of it would come off of my pants and rain into the babies' mouths; B of course had it on every part of his body (including inside his diaper!!!), and of course kept eating it, and choking on it. And we all had to feed our babies lunch in the middle of this - and this frigging "grass" got all over all the food. Who the hell plans children's events on this kind of surface? It was like going to the beach without being prepared to go to the beach.

So pretty much the entire visit consisted of chasing B around as he put wads of synthetic grass in his mouth, wrenched the toys out of the little babies' hands and made them cry, and threw tantrums every time I took something out of his mouth or moved him. It sucked.

I'm thinking the best outings that involve other people from now on will have to consist of an actual activity, in particular walking while pushing him in a stroller. Or a playground where he can swing, or do something. Because he needs to explore, but exploring everyone's purses and trying to eat the other babies' food doesn't work for me. And if the point of doing these outings is for me to socialize with other mothers, that's out. I don't even get to say two words to anyone.

I know it sounds like I'm being a bitch and complaining about my adorable child who's just being completely age-appropriate. And this is true (about me being a bitch right now). But in my defense I'm being wrenched out of bed at 6 am every day and I am not doing well with it - I'm exhausted and fed up. I don't know how to entertain this child all day, every day, without losing my mind. Which is why I need some part time daycare, stat. I would like to say I at least get my evenings to myself so I can be productive, but so far this has not been true at all - by the time he's in bed (7 pm these days) I'm so worn out all I can do is stare into space for a few hours and then go to bed. So, not optimizing my time. Not at all.

I know I'm just going through a rough adjustment period and I will learn how to cope with some of these issues, or at least get used to them and adapt. Things will look up. But right now I'm just not feeling it. For the moment I think I need to choose activities that aren't going to make me nuts - and the putting the babies on blankets thing is not happening anymore.

In other news, I'm drying up, I've booked a trip to see a cousin in Florida for July (pray for me), and one of my chickens is dying. All righty then.