Final visit of the season

This weekend was our final desert visit of the season. Or rather, most likely our final desert visit, as the H is determined to make it out once or twice. With me singing every Sunday at Knott’s, plus extreme temperatures, I find this scenario unlikely. Last year I watched weekend temperatures every week just as an experiment, and they rarely if ever dipped below 105-ish, which is just untenable with no power. This visit, like our previous one two weeks ago, was during a heat spell - 95° both days - and it was pretty unbearable. I sat out in the hammock chairs and it felt like someone was aiming a hair dryer at my back when the wind blew. Our remaining projects - installing the kitchen sink, figuring out our water tank situation, building a shower corral - are still left undone. 

I'll miss the place over the summer, but mostly I'm concerned about what it means that we won't be there until September; it means there's a giant mountain to climb before we see it again, which is my event. And everything will look different by then, and I don't know what's going to happen, and it makes me very insecure. 

I realize I do this every year, but I'm worried about attendance. I'm only on a par with last year as of now, which says to me I will not have a better year than last year as I had hoped, and I can really only expect about another 300 people or so in the next 3 months. As is typical right now, it's nothing but refund or transfer requests every day and no new signups, so I'm playing chicken with my bank account and wondering when I'll have to dip into my savings again, and how that will affect my house payoff dreams. This plus the "May grey" that's descended, leaving every day cold and overcast until the late afternoon, is just taking its toll on me emotionally. 

We've only three more weeks of school, and it dawned on me that I'm actually going to miss the predictability and routine, as much as I'll enjoy not having to get up early. From mid-June on, every week is going to be different, which will definitely get in the way of my workout classes, and keep me on my toes. Then in August the new routine begins - juggling pick ups from two different schools at different times, and that'll be our life for two years until they're joined together again (hopefully). Will I have a paid off house? Will my event be ok? Will my plans to expand the event work out? Will I even be able to have my event at this hotel past 2027? Everything right now is unknown, and it's leaving me feeling uncertain and restless.