The saga continues

Yesterday we got up early and got our butts in the car to head out to the desert to meet with the new contractor so he could help us pick a spot for our shipping container that’s coming out on the 10th. From the moment we left it wasn’t 100% he’d be able to meet us - he was in the hospital with his unconscious friend waiting to talk with doctors - but we went anyway because we figured no matter what we had to pick a spot for the container anyway. Sure enough he couldn’t come meet us - but he sent over the dad (girlfriend’s dad?) who is the one who lives in the property next to us, and he was pretty helpful as far as picking a spot and telling us how to prop it up. He also walked us to his property and it was good to see how he had things laid out. But he also made it clear that there’s no way this contractor is going to be available to us.

On the way home, both of us in black moods, I decided to look up the realtor who sold me the property and hit her up one more time for contractor recommendations, even though she didn’t have any a year ago. She mentioned that her husband, who we met at the time and who built their whole compound, might be able to help. They’ve decamped to Big Bear, but apparently he’s down in the area twice a week for work, so we’re going to meet him at *gulp* 8 AM next Sunday. Which means leaving here around 5 AM. Will this finally be the person that saves us? Someone who can do the work, doesn’t leave for six months out of the year, and won’t have any emergencies that will make it so at the last second he can’t do the work? Who knows. I can’t believe we’re still dealing with this crap a year later. Will it ever be inhabitable?

Thankfully the spot I wanted - behind the cabin, past the washes - seems to be the best bet for the container. The only problem is the soft sand, and having to confirm that whoever delivers it has four wheel drive. And making sure railroad ties are put out there in time for delivery. This is going to be a delicate dance. 

This weekend I was able to celebrate two friends for their birthdays, and today I go dancing. The indoor mask mandate has been dropped in LA as of Friday. Life is coming back, for the time being. People are starting to ask about my event, the one aspect of my life I’ve spent absolutely zero time thinking about and yet is technically the most important part since it’s the only one that produces income. 

Here’s hoping we can finally sort out our desert mess. Every time I go out there I think about how great it’ll be to finally just be there - piling in the car on a Friday night after school with our camping stuff, heading out, watching the stars and enjoying a cookout, hanging in a hammock…it could be so great…if we could just get it built!

End of Feb

So much happened this week. 

The main thing was the venue visit, which went well. First, I drove smack into a snowstorm on the 10 on the way out there. Full on snow and dark skies and wet freezing roads. Even when I got to the parking lot where the planner, rental person and caterer were to meet, the storm was still raging. We all decided to take our chances and head up Old Woman Spring’s Road anyway, and it’s a good thing we did, because the minute we turned up it the storm was left behind us and it was a sunny but cold and windy day. 

It was, in fact, so cold and windy up at the venue that it was almost unbearable - all of our hands and lips froze and we could barely talk or write. But we, a group of all women (awesome) accomplished everything we needed to, even though the venue “manager” once again disappeared and wasn’t available for questions. We placed everything (I moved everything closer to create a more intimate atmosphere), took measurements, sussed out parking, a spot for the bathrooms, etc, and the caterer said they’d have no problem getting up there, and everyone agreed the wedding was going to be absolutely stunning, and I felt great about it. Then I picked up my tasting cakes and high tailed it home in time to pick up the kids. Phew!

I went to the tailor to see about getting my dress made and she was sort of wishy washy about the whole thing, ultimately setting a budget of about $400 for the dress and then a few minutes later $900, and then a whopping $1000 for the underskirt, which I could find on Amazon for $25. No, no, and no. I told my sister and she offered to make it, and we hunted down a pattern and I was set to go fabric shopping, after telling my friend who had offered to make it, and then this morning my sister emailed to tell me her step mother hunted down the company and demanded answers and now they’re saying they’re going to send it next week, so all plans to have it made have shut down again and I’m back to waiting around for a dress that I still may not even like when and if it does show up, six months after I ordered it. I’m exhausted. 

Our new contractor is now tasked with taking care of a friend who was in a motorcycle accident and doesn’t know when he can start work for us or if he can. In the middle of this we’re waiting for our 20 foot shipping container to arrive and we still don’t know where to put it nor do we have a surface prepared for it, and first they said it would just show up randomly one day with no warning, which had me in an absolute panic until the F called and they agreed to set a date of March 10 to deliver it, and miraculously the contractor is able to get away for an hour to meet us at the property tomorrow to decide where the container should go, and maybe make plans to lay some railroad ties to put it on. Most likely I’ll drive out there on delivery day, too, to make sure it all goes properly. Beyond that, I don’t know what’s going to happen out there. We may have to start all over looking for a new contractor. Or let it sit unfinished until next November when this contractor will be back in town. Sigh. It just gets better and better.

The tasting cakes were…not great. Sickeningly sweet; even the boys had just a bite or two and were over it. Every other place either is super flaky, can’t do the decorations I want, or charge 2x the price of this first place. I throw up my hands. 

I also spent several hours in utterly pointless school budget meetings in my capacity as booster club treasurer. 

And a visiting trumpet player has requested my presence as singer on one of his gigs in three weeks, but this requires learning 5-7 new songs. I wanted to say no - my brain is completely and utterly overwhelmed at the moment - but I felt like I owed it to myself, and to this guy, to start least try. But, ugh. I’m still working on Evergreen for the wedding and barely have half of that committed to memory. 

Did my taxes today - like everyone, my refund is dramatically smaller than I’d expected thanks to the advance payments last year (stimulus, child tax credit, etc). But thankfully I never count on getting a refund at all (you just never know), so at least the small amount I am getting will be a bonus.

Tonight I celebrate a friend’s birthday and I’m so glad to get away from all this and just enjoy myself for the night. My brain needs a serious break. 

Oh, and Russia invaded Ukraine. God help us all.

President’s day

We had no plans this weekend, which is a first since the pandemic hit. I had been adamant about filling every school holiday with trips, but I decided to just let this one slide. It’s hard for the F to take this much time off work, and I’m sick of hemorrhaging money, and I’m all planned-out. So, eff it. 

Yesterday we had a day that used to be commonplace but is now extremely rare - mom and boys fun day out. I realized this is entirely because of the pandemic; we’ve missed two full years of being able to spend days out in public. And it was fun. We went geocaching first - I think the boys always forget that it’s not as fun as they remember; we usually only find a few as compared to looking for many. I think we found three out of seven or eight attempts. But Theo found two and I found one. Then we had our standard In n Out lunch, got ice cream, and played in a playground for a while. I’m always surprised when Bobby, at nearly ten, still wants to play at playgrounds. I keep waiting for the cynical, jaded teenager to appear. He will - but not yet. The other day he said quietly from the back seat of the car that he thought his puberty was starting - turns out he was convinced the mosquito bites all over his body were pimples. Not yet, buddy, not yet. 

Despite having not tested as “gifted” on the OLSAT, B’s evaluation with a school psychiatrist (along with a few other kids) came back as “highly gifted” on Friday. I’m not sure what this means, other than it’s a good thing and we can apply for any school we want. I’m still wanting Eagle Rock. I hope I get wait listed for their elementary school so I can rack up points needed to get him in. 

I still have to think of what to do with them on Monday when school is closed. I may not do much. Get them out for a hike, maybe.

This week I finally get out to the wedding venue. The F is insistent on coming with me - and I would like him to come, because we need as many eyes and ideas on it as possible - but it would be a close shave getting back in time to pick up kids from school, and that fills me with anxiety. Anything goes wrong with the car, and delay in traffic, and we’re completely screwed. But beyond that I’m hoping to have maybe 70% of details nailed down because of this visit. I sent invites with a “.com” at the end of our website url that has our registry and rsvp on it, and apparently there’s no “.com” inexplicably on the actual website, so nobody can rsvp, which means I’m going to have to chase down 100 people to see if they’re coming or not. Not good times. Also, I was going to take my dress pictures to my tailor to see if she could make it for me when a friend PM’d me that she could make it (she’s a seamstress); she said she’d need to find a pattern. And now it’s been nearly a week and I haven’t heard a word from her…and a mutual friend advised me she can be kind of flaky. Sigh. So now I’ve got the awkward mess of having to a) go back to plan A and try to see my tailor next week, and if she can in fact make it, b) tell my friend thanks but no thanks. I just don’t know why everything has to be so goddamned complicated. 

My bandleader friend, also a lawyer, wrote me an alternate contract for the first desert contractor taking out all the weird blaming language, and I sent it to him, and he said he’d get to it. Hopefully now as February is finally winding down we can get the new guy out there - my container should be delivered in about a week, which means he can start on our whole bathroom set up. I hope I hope I hope. After nearly a year of being jerked around and false hopes, I have a hard time believing we’ll ever have a livable place out there; the idea of watching windows and doors be put in, an overhang, a real bathroom…this is the stuff only dreams are made of, right?? I don’t dare to hope, at this point. Something’s got to go wrong they’ll make it impossible for this guy to actually do anything, I just know it. 

VD

I had an enjoyable Valentine’s Day, mostly because we both made an effort to prioritize it this year. The F sent me flowers in a “rustic” style (he was worried it wouldn’t quite work, but I think the results were nice), I cooked a variety of tacos (mushroom, poblano pepper, and roast jalapeño, my new favorite), and got him his favorite desert, a fruit tart. Then I raided the kids’ candy and we went to bed. Earlier in the day a friend and I went to the “immersive Klimt” exposition, which was delightful.

The summer weather has slammed to a halt as today it dropped nearly 30 degrees and may rain. LA winter is back. Sigh. Might be a good time to plant a few things, though.

Despite the pleasantness (I know Valentine’s Day is extremely triggering for many people, so I do not at all take for granted that I can finally enjoy this day), there is a lot of stress in my life at the moment. I don’t think about it much unless I start telling someone, and then see their eyes widen. Yeah, actually? What I’m dealing with is a lot. 

There’s nothing more annoying than people who bitch about planning their weddings, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s extremely stressful and time consuming. Also, still being in a pandemic, many companies, especially those in the wedding industry, are now out of business or sort of half in business with reduced staff, supplies, etc. So many of the companies I reach out to just never answer me. I did finally make some progress yesterday after a week of unreturned phone calls and emails, and we have our big walk through next week which should solidify about 80% of the as yet unfinished elements. But I have this rising feeling of panic that what we’re attempting to do - turn this raw camping space into a wedding venue - simply is not going to work, and is going to end up being a complete failure. I have zero evidence for this; I think what I’m actually experiencing is ptsd from having to launch and then cancel my event last year, which was traumatizing to say the least. But there have been so many fucked up things connected to this wedding already - losing one of my oldest friends over it, our first venue canceling, now being scammed out of my wedding dress and having to start over (yeah - the company I ordered the dress from said they would send it last week and now is not responding to any emails after previously being very responsive - it’s time to admit I’ve been scammed) - it’s hard to not think there’s lots more disasters heading my way. Or, you know, not.

The desert contractor sent a contract last week agreeing to pay a tiny fraction of what he owes - we agreed to this amount - but much to my agitation the contract also involves a lot of language that says we’re also at fault for this whole mess (like somehow it’s our job to estimate all costs) and a lot of blaming and shaming language that had me so angry my blood was positively boiling. I won’t sign it. I sent it to a lawyer friend to look over (that stupid language may not mean anything legally so it may not matter) but he probably can’t get to it for a while, so I just have to wait. Frustrating.

Since I’ve had to admit my wedding dress is never coming, I decided yesterday to try my tailor and see if she can make it for me. It’s absurdly simple - a nightgown, really - so I can’t imagine it’ll be hard or expensive. But I have to drive over to her, explain the whole thing, get measured, and then find the materials, not to mention I still have to do all the embellishing myself. All I can say is it had better be fucking spectacular. 

Sprung

It’s been deliciously hot all week. It will soon end - next week it drops 10-20 degrees. But it’s ok. Fake LA summer is my favorite week of the year.

The kids had spirit week at school - a ritual that typically involves things we don’t have, like “wear your favorite hat” (they have no hats) or “wear your favorite sports jersey” (we have no jerseys). But Bobby did manage to put this together on his own for “dress like a teacher day” which I thought was hilarious:

He also created this Igloo cat, which he left on my nightstand and which I later strategically moved to his bed:

Today the boys had pajama day at school which somehow always results in them coming home filthy. I had to stand Theo in the bathtub and scrub his legs down with a kitchen sponge. I’ve also had to scrub their hands with a scrub brush nearly every day because they’re black with dirt from playing after school. I guess this is what happens when the principal decrees no more using school devices to watch YouTube during afterschool play time (yay). Honestly I’ll take dirty hands over kids sneaking inappropriate videos at school any day.

I ordered Bobby’s kid watch (free with the addition of a new line) and it arrived a few days ago. I hope it does what we want it to do - many of the reviews said it just didn’t work, which I suspect is a connectivity issue, which, being on “the mountain”, could totally happen to us, too. We won’t know until we test it out up at the school. I figure sometime around their birthdays, and after daylight savings, I’ll take a week of walking up to school to pick them up and show them how to walk down to the house. I remember my mother doing this with me when I was B’s age - throwing a trench coat over her pajamas and walking me across Manhattan to my middle school until I could do it myself. Recently as part of a FB post about walking to school, I Google mapped my route in NYC from my old addresses which I still have memorized to my schools - my route to Jr high was .7 miles; to High School, 2.2. No wonder I was skinny. 

I booked the boys’ trampoline birthday party today. It’s weird to think they were last there in 2019, turning 5 and 7, and I invited the entire world, and they showed up. I’ve become alienated from so many of these people now because of the pandemic. As I’ve mentioned, I feel insecure about inviting large groups to things anymore because of this, so I set the party up so each boy can invite four friends and that’s it. My hope is, barring any timing conflicts, the boys my kids select will actually want to come. I’m still anxious about it, though. The idea of nobody coming to my kids’ party scares the crap out of me. Social rejection has not been a thing for two years; I’m ill equipped to handle it anymore. I don’t think I’m alone in this. Social skills - especially those involving groups of acquaintances - are like any other muscle; they need to be exercised. And they’ve been atrophying since March 2020.

This week I tackled my various projects slowly and deliberately. For my coming tax appointment, I was able to find last year’s profit & loss statement and add in this year’s numbers; I’d like to thank 2021 me for setting up a folder just for all my tax documents, something I never did before because I always only kept paper receipts. Now it’s all online. Just today I took the plunge and ordered a shipping container for use as storage and our bathroom in the desert - it should be shipped in two weeks. The new contractor is ready for it. I’m weirded out by all of it - I’ve put the cabin so in the back of my mind that I’m having a hard time digging it out again. The former contractor sent us a payback agreement for a fraction of what he owes, but it’s something. I won’t hold my breath. But the new guy leaves in April and is ready to start probably early in March, so I think a lot’s going to happen very quickly and suddenly. Six weeks from now I could have an actual functioning cabin, finally, a year after I bought it. I’m afraid to get excited about it after all this drama. But I’m still going to the rose bowl flea market Sunday to spend money I don’t have on things I don’t need (and will probably get stolen) for the cabin. It’s time to have fun with this again. 

Spring

Spring is coming this week. It’s going to be low to mid 80s starting Monday. I cannot wait. I feel like it’ll motivate me to get off my duff and be healthier. It appears my theory that I can eat what I want and not gain weight is, in fact, incorrect. I think I’ve gained two-three pounds since I wrote that. So, back to the drawing board. I may just go back to the 5:2 with the focus on healthier eating in general and see if I can at least drop a few. Sigh. La Lucha continua.

I had a very encouraging zoom meeting with a desert rental lady who also does bar set ups for events, and honestly I loved her so much that I pretty much want to just pay her whatever she asks. I am meeting with her, the caterer, and the wedding planner at the venue on the 23rd. This week I also obsessed over napkins, set up my honeymoon registry, updated my wedding website, got a notification that my dress ships on Tuesday, ordered cheap invites, and worked on picking a song to sing. I want to sing Evergreen because the F loves it and it’s corny as hell, and it’ll be unexpected. There’s still a ton to do, but I’m slowly getting there.

Theo made a diorama for his chosen animal, the Arctic Fox, entirely at school, and did very well. I’ve never before not helped kids with a diorama - it was weird sending him to school with a bag of supplies. But once again he showed me he’s capable of far more than I think. He turns eight in five weeks, and I intend to get him started doing his own laundry at that point. I also really want to get these kids making their own snacks and food - I’m way behind on this one - and want to start getting them walking home from school once daylight savings hits (on T’s birthday!). Things are happening.

No news on the cabin. We’re having a hard time finding a shipping container, the old contractor has ghosted us, and the new one won’t be able to start for weeks. I’ve put it out of my mind for now - it’s been such a rollercoaster with this place, always thinking we’re finally ready to think about it getting done, only to have all work stop for weeks or months; I finally moved my “to bring to cabin” pile up to the attic because I just couldn’t stand looking at it anymore. Sigh.