VD

I had an enjoyable Valentine’s Day, mostly because we both made an effort to prioritize it this year. The F sent me flowers in a “rustic” style (he was worried it wouldn’t quite work, but I think the results were nice), I cooked a variety of tacos (mushroom, poblano pepper, and roast jalapeño, my new favorite), and got him his favorite desert, a fruit tart. Then I raided the kids’ candy and we went to bed. Earlier in the day a friend and I went to the “immersive Klimt” exposition, which was delightful.

The summer weather has slammed to a halt as today it dropped nearly 30 degrees and may rain. LA winter is back. Sigh. Might be a good time to plant a few things, though.

Despite the pleasantness (I know Valentine’s Day is extremely triggering for many people, so I do not at all take for granted that I can finally enjoy this day), there is a lot of stress in my life at the moment. I don’t think about it much unless I start telling someone, and then see their eyes widen. Yeah, actually? What I’m dealing with is a lot. 

There’s nothing more annoying than people who bitch about planning their weddings, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s extremely stressful and time consuming. Also, still being in a pandemic, many companies, especially those in the wedding industry, are now out of business or sort of half in business with reduced staff, supplies, etc. So many of the companies I reach out to just never answer me. I did finally make some progress yesterday after a week of unreturned phone calls and emails, and we have our big walk through next week which should solidify about 80% of the as yet unfinished elements. But I have this rising feeling of panic that what we’re attempting to do - turn this raw camping space into a wedding venue - simply is not going to work, and is going to end up being a complete failure. I have zero evidence for this; I think what I’m actually experiencing is ptsd from having to launch and then cancel my event last year, which was traumatizing to say the least. But there have been so many fucked up things connected to this wedding already - losing one of my oldest friends over it, our first venue canceling, now being scammed out of my wedding dress and having to start over (yeah - the company I ordered the dress from said they would send it last week and now is not responding to any emails after previously being very responsive - it’s time to admit I’ve been scammed) - it’s hard to not think there’s lots more disasters heading my way. Or, you know, not.

The desert contractor sent a contract last week agreeing to pay a tiny fraction of what he owes - we agreed to this amount - but much to my agitation the contract also involves a lot of language that says we’re also at fault for this whole mess (like somehow it’s our job to estimate all costs) and a lot of blaming and shaming language that had me so angry my blood was positively boiling. I won’t sign it. I sent it to a lawyer friend to look over (that stupid language may not mean anything legally so it may not matter) but he probably can’t get to it for a while, so I just have to wait. Frustrating.

Since I’ve had to admit my wedding dress is never coming, I decided yesterday to try my tailor and see if she can make it for me. It’s absurdly simple - a nightgown, really - so I can’t imagine it’ll be hard or expensive. But I have to drive over to her, explain the whole thing, get measured, and then find the materials, not to mention I still have to do all the embellishing myself. All I can say is it had better be fucking spectacular.