He is nine. I had my ninth birthday at summer camp while my mother packed up my things back home in Boston in our apartment I would never see again (and taking the liberty of reading my diary and then teasing me about things I wrote in it, most notably my obsession with a boy named Stuart); in a few weeks I would be living with my aunt, uncle, and cousins for 4th grade while my mother spent a year in NYC by herself for reasons nobody has ever entirely understood. I recently relayed these events to Bobby, who, like everyone hearing this story, asked why, and I told him I didn’t know. While clouded by an incredibly toxic relationship with my younger cousin (he’s great now), my time there wasn’t so terrible - my aunt and uncle were delighted to have me and were very loving towards me, I enjoyed living way out in the woods and wandering free, and looked forward to the occasional day-long Greyhound bus trips to visit The City (I distinctly remember figuring out that the back of the bus was where the smokers and pedophiles were. The thought of myself, a nine-year-old girl, alone on these eight hour bus trips fills me with anxiety now. Like I would ever submit my kids to that! It was 1981. What are you gonna do?).
What is Bobby like at nine? He is smart, funny, obsessive, tentative, introverted, sarcastic, sensitive. I love it when he’s sweet and kind - I love that he still clings to little kid things like love of stuffed animals and giving his brother rides on his back in the hot tub. I hate when he pushes back about getting things completed, brutalizes his brother, whines. It’s hard to picture him as a teenager or adult, but the groundwork is definitely there, as much as it was for me at his age. I am still that little girl choking on Pall Mall smoke in the back of a greyhound headed from Beverly, Connecticut, to the hell hole that was Port Authority. I imagine a part of him will always be that kid in a creeper jacket endlessly watching YouTube gamers and dreaming of having his own channel. Don’t forget to like and subscribe!!
Two more weeks of distance learning. Our particular school appears to have a much higher projected return rate than the rest of LA - *cough* rich white people *cough*. Which gives me hope that each class will in fact have a morning and then an afternoon cohort, which means we stand a chance of afternoon school, which I would much prefer (although morning school may include some sort of afternoon childcare? Which honestly would be better. I’ll take whatever I can get). It also sounds like we will not, in fact, have to do weekly coronavirus tests, just one before the first day and then thereafter the school will handle it. Which is a big relief. I do worry that the kids will not adjust well to the sudden change in schedule and lifestyle. But, a) I know talking to them about it and letting them know what to expect will help, and b) they’ve adjusted well to all other changes in their lives, so there’s that. It’s crazy to think we’re finally here at the end of this mess. I kind of can’t believe it.
The BF and I are going to head to that clinic tomorrow to see if we can get vaccinated. Apparently the deal is you show up early in the morning to fill out paperwork, then return in the afternoon and wait. The kids are off school so tomorrow’s the only day we can both go. I’m not convinced it’ll actually happen with no hiccups - but the announcement today that CA will open the next tier on April 1 (the BF’s tier) and open to everyone two weeks later means even if tomorrow is a bust, we’re in soon enough. I’m scared of reactions. But not scared enough to not do it.
I’m still signing reams of paperwork for the desert property. It’s giving me false hope that everything is moving forward when I know we’ve hit a possibly fatal snag. I really have no perspective at all as far as how likely it is that the seller will be able to clear this big mess of former owners in order to sell it to me free and clear. I just keep clinging to the fact that it’s in his best interest to do so since it’s worth $0 until he does (unless he decides to keep it for his own use, which seems unlikely since he lives out of state). Also the fact that there’s been nothing good available for a couple of weeks now - two other ramshackle cabins, slightly larger or more hooked up than mine, but at $75,000 and $100,000, respectively - makes me want to see how this plays out. As of right now I’m definitely not missing out on other opportunities.
So tomorrow hopefully vaccine, then pack up Saturday, then Sunday head out for a week-long extravaganza involving a mountain yurt stay, a desert cabin stay, and a desert hot spring resort stay to round it out. I hope it’s a good trip.
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