Ethics, walk throughs, and re-lactating

Today I contacted the MaterniT21 people and yes, I can get the test for $199. Awesome. The only problem is a doctor has to order it for me. Not so awesome. Kaiser doctors won't, so I would have to find a doctor not with Kaiser who works with MaterniT21, who will see me even though I don't have insurance to cover the visit, who can see me in the next couple of weeks, who won't mind my not becoming their patient but just using them to order this test for me. Hmm. In thinking about it, I don't know how I can make all of those things happen, and I don't know how ethical it is to see someone just to order a test for you. That doesn't seem right to me. I honestly don't know if it's worth the trouble - I'll get all the information I want eventually, I will just have to wait for it. Sure, I dreamed of announcing to the world and my family in a couple of weeks - but don't forget, my announcement plans for the last pregnancy were sabotaged, too; I dreamed of telling my whole family at my aunt's memorial but was too sick to get on the airplane; I dreamed of telling my friends at a big dinner or party but was figured out early when I was so sick all the time. So, you can't always get what you want, you know? In the scheme of things this is a very minor disappointment. 

I have been off of progesterone for several nights now. It's great to have one less thing to remember to do and one less thing making me greasy and gross. No spotting or weird side effects, so I think we're ok on that front. Last night I got back my loaned-out Doppler and decided to take a chance and check for the heartbeat. Nine weeks is very early, but enough women on my WTE app said they have been finding the heartbeat, I thought, why not? It took some doing but I did find it. Underneath the slow, steady rush of my own heartbeat and blood flow, I could occasionally glimpse that oh-so-familiar "pockitapockitapockita" of the baby's heart. It was very faint and passing, but it was for sure there. And I don't mind admitting, it was thrilling. No matter what happens later, that baby had a heartbeat at 9w3d. This I know.

I did the hotel walk through today, and I do feel better about everything. I feel like I've left no stones unturned as far as tying up every little niggling detail, so things feel under control, which feels good. There is still a buttload of work to do - not to mention the video presentation I was supposed to finish last week but haven't even started yet - but I feel like it can all get done if I apply myself.

For the past few days I have had Bumpus in an Anti-Penis Suit (wait, don't I wear one of those every day? Chortle chortle). I put him in leggings and a onesie snapped over it. I hate that it's so warm right now; I wish I could just let him hang out in a diaper. But this is the only way to keep him from pulling his little pecker over the top of his pants or reaching into his leg holes and pulling out his poop. It's such a relief to be able to turn my back for a few minutes and not find a puddle of pee or smears of poop. That was really making me nuts.

In other news, I'm lactating. B was crying about something, and I felt that familiar rush I haven't felt in ages, and a little bit leaked onto my nightgown. So weird to think I'm going to breast feed again-! Good thing I kept those DD bras.