Gabba gabba

Today I got together with my new Friday walking friend and we went to her house after and chatted about what we learned from Bringing Up Bebe, her experience parenting her now seven-year-old as opposed to her new baby, our alienation from our culty parents, and how to combat anxiety and depression. It's so fascinating to see yourself mirrored in someone you last knew when you were both anxiety-addled 20 somethings. We've both come a long way since the Derby.

On my way over there I was thinking about how I'm so in the moment now that I really should take a little time to step back and look at the big picture occasionally. That I have a SON. That I spent my whole life terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, and I did it. That a year and a half ago I first thought of becoming a mother via sperm donor, and here I am on this same couch with a perfect baby boy. That as I had hoped, I have added a member of our family. That a week from Sunday, Mother's Day will actually apply to me and not just be a depressing reminder of everything I'm missing out on, and how irreparably damaged my relationship with my own mother is. Even now I can hardly wrap my mind around any of these concepts. But I believe it's important to try. Because in the fog of early motherhood it's easy to let days and weeks slip by without ever looking up from the diaper pail.

I got a letter from MediCal saying as they process Robert's application I can apply for myself as I also appear to be eligible. Normally I would toss something like this, but I decided to take the time and fill out the exhaustive application and send it in. Best case scenario, we can both get coverage and I can save nearly $700 a month, which I swear I will immediately put into savings for emergencies. Worst case neither of us will - R is technically not approved yet, even though I got an ID card a few days ago. I will probably be stuck paying for him for a couple of months. But it will be interesting to see how all of this goes - all I can do is hang out and wait. If we're both approved it will make me VERY happy.

Tomorrow I am going to attempt two things - getting up "early" (9 am - agh) and then a long drive, up to Ventura for berry picking. He could scream the whole way. But I need to try and see how he does with a long day like that. No matter what I can always pull over and nurse him. No big whoop.