My sister and I went on the hospital tour today. It was pretty basic - park here, deliver here, recover here, then get the f out (it was actually put a lot nicer than that; you know my love of exaggeration for humorous purposes).
I have to say it was a little too real for me at times - it was like something in my brain said, "hey you - you're going to be here, in this room, on this bed, in a hospital gown, in just weeks. Not months, or years - weeks. Maybe even days if you're unlucky."
I was in this sea of women with bellies and STILL couldn't believe I was one of them. Kind of how I couldn't believe my lovely baby shower was really for me - I'm just so darned used to not being in the kid club, not being the one that everyone makes a fuss over - again, especially being the child of a narcissistic mother - it's still difficult to believe that yes, this is really happening, and yes, people do love you, and yes, believe it or not you actually are lovable.
Tomorrow AM I drop my sister at the airport after our very last childless visit ever (crazy), and then there's a flurry of activity on my part. Sorting and organizing all the shower gifts, more work on the nursery, thank you cards, buying leftover stuff, getting myself some decent bras, photo shoots, and oh yeah, that whole "running a business" thing.
In the meantime too I must once again face all this unpleasant medical stuff. I have my next midwife appt Weds (fingers crossed I have normal blood pressure readings and the baby is growing normally), then later that night my final infant care class, then Friday the first scary "high risk" appointment in which they will no doubt run more tests, find more problems, and try to panic me more. Hopefully by then I will be rested enough to deal with it with a clear head. Couldn't handle it right now, I'll tell you that.
I have to say it was a little too real for me at times - it was like something in my brain said, "hey you - you're going to be here, in this room, on this bed, in a hospital gown, in just weeks. Not months, or years - weeks. Maybe even days if you're unlucky."
I was in this sea of women with bellies and STILL couldn't believe I was one of them. Kind of how I couldn't believe my lovely baby shower was really for me - I'm just so darned used to not being in the kid club, not being the one that everyone makes a fuss over - again, especially being the child of a narcissistic mother - it's still difficult to believe that yes, this is really happening, and yes, people do love you, and yes, believe it or not you actually are lovable.
Tomorrow AM I drop my sister at the airport after our very last childless visit ever (crazy), and then there's a flurry of activity on my part. Sorting and organizing all the shower gifts, more work on the nursery, thank you cards, buying leftover stuff, getting myself some decent bras, photo shoots, and oh yeah, that whole "running a business" thing.
In the meantime too I must once again face all this unpleasant medical stuff. I have my next midwife appt Weds (fingers crossed I have normal blood pressure readings and the baby is growing normally), then later that night my final infant care class, then Friday the first scary "high risk" appointment in which they will no doubt run more tests, find more problems, and try to panic me more. Hopefully by then I will be rested enough to deal with it with a clear head. Couldn't handle it right now, I'll tell you that.
I hope your appointment Friday goes well & they go easy on you!
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