November desert trip

Back from our November cabin visit, with the sand in our ears and noses to prove it. We didn’t accomplish all that we’d hoped, but I feel like overall it was a success.

It took so long to get the materials on Saturday (I blame my husband’s ADHD) that by the time we got to work we were just minutes from the now early sunset and resultant cold; woke up to an immense wind storm Sunday, but he insisted on continuing to work (he is an intense physical laborer - I would have said “fuck this” and enjoyed a nice cup of tea in the shelter after like five minutes). Still, of the four posts we were trying to install for our hammock/fire pit set up, we only got one placed. We borrowed a scary mechanical auger from the neighbor that didn’t work most of the time, which ended up involving the neighbor coming over and bringing another guy to try to fix it…it was a bit of a big mess. DIY is no joke. If we had paid the contractor neighbor to do it he probably could have knocked it out in a couple of hours for a couple hundred bucks. Instead I spent $450 on supplies and we spent all weekend on it and didn’t get anything done. Sigh. 

The good news is my little heater worked out great - the cabin was chilly but not freezing (it would have been unbearable without that heater) and we’re all alive so it didn’t poison us. I cracked a window and we set up a co2 alarm, but I was still a little freaked out. At least now I know we can hack winters out there even with no real heat or insulation. Hopefully those issues will be rectified before our next visit, however. 

The family time was invaluable - we played Sorry and Uno with hot cocoa, things we haven’t done in far too long because normally we’re too busy running around doing things and too tired at night. Since we haven’t played games together in so long, it was fascinating to see what a better player Theo has become - the difference between being six, seven, and then eight, has been immense. He used to “rage quit” a lot, especially when he knew he was losing. I think that’s pretty common for littler kids who are working out how to deal with the reality of not getting to win all the time. Bobby was the same. But now that we’re all on the same page, playing games is fun again. 

I enjoyed my cabin kitchen, such as it is, and got good use out of the little 1930s female urinal I bought (because of course I did). We all decided an outhouse has to be our priority for the contractor. Having a toilet there will do wonders for our quality of life, for sure. So that happens first. Since I’m tied up at Knott’s singing every weekend in December, and then Jan is also full of travel and gigs, we probably won’t return for about two months. It’s possible we could have a toilet built by then. 

The neighbors who built the little place to the west of us have not done any more work on it - it’s still there just open to the elements. However they did manage to place a 40’ shipping container next to it which is hidden from our cameras, so quite a shock to drive up to. I’m so worried this place is going to be a constantly rockin’ Airbnb and we’ll have no privacy. But there’s no way of knowing. Worse comes to worst we can install some privacy fencing. I still want to be able to run around naked. 

This week at school is teacher conferences so the kids are off by 1 each day. I’m not sure how to navigate pick ups. Hard to believe we leave on our Death Valley trip in just one week. I’ve called around and all the places that were closed last year are now open (restaurants, that is), just showing more covid recovery. 

And the midterms-! We were driving to our favorite sushi place in 29 Palms when we got the news that we officially got the Senate with the NV win - so awesome! I got that one wrong, but in the best way. We were celebrating all through dinner. As the election night progressed I had allowed myself some optimism - enough smart, informed people around me were telling me we were going to do well - but the H hadn’t, to bolster himself against disappointment. Facebook is showing me memories of angry protests after Trump’s grotesque win six years ago; what a nightmare that was, and yet how vindicated we are now. That yes, that was just an ugly blip on our timeline, that it wasn’t necessarily the end of the American Experiment, that young people would, in fact, get out and vote and save our lame asses. We’ve got a lot of work to do, but these results this week just show me that the MAGA idiots are not the majority and will not win everything and that sanity will prevail. Personally, I’m jubilant.

November

We’re headed to the desert for the long weekend, hopefully when we’re all up on Friday as the boys have school off. I’m keeping my plans and expectations minimal for what we’re going to accomplish this weekend out there - I want to place the four posts for our hammock pit and two for the frame of an outdoor shower. It will involve borrowing a post digger from our elderly neighbor and trying to mix concrete somehow with no running water. I don’t know how it’s going to go, really. Let’s just say if we fuck it up, it kind of doesn’t matter. Thankfully our neighbor contractor returns in a month and says he’ll put us on his calendar. There is a real chance that starting in Dec or Jan we could finally see some real progress out there. Like, windows and walls and shit. It’s going to be cold AF out there, and I’m worried we’re just going to freeze. I bought us an indoor rated propane heater and a co2 alarm, but to be honest I’m very paranoid about running it. Dying of co2 poisoning is on my list of worst fears. I’m hoping we can all just get cozy in our sleeping bags and not use it. I’m still at a loss for a permanent solution to the cold out there. 

Speaking of worst fears - we survived the midterms!!! In my opinion, it was a great result. Dems winning big was, to be honest, never very realistic, so to me what we’ve gotten so far is a very powerful message; Trumpism is on its way out. Even if we end up losing both house and senate - a possibility - I kind of don’t care; if that’s what we have to live with, two years of gridlock won’t kill us; the more important message is that this was no giant red wave as Trump and his cronies hoped, many of his picks failed, and I’m positively jubilant. Fetterman was a stunning and awesome win - we woke up the kids with our yelling and celebrating. Now, we wait. My prediction? We get AZ, Reps get NV. We win GA in the Dec runoff. We lose the House but not by much. Trump announces his candidacy, DeSantis announces his, and the GOP is a hot mess for the next two years. Anyway. After two years of sheer terror anticipating this moment, preparing to watch us slide ever closer to a fascist dictatorship we may never recover from, this step back from the brink was a huge sigh of relief for me. Huge.

Next week is the boys’ teacher conferences, in which I get my first peek into how they’re doing this school year and how they’re being perceived at school. They’ve never not gotten stellar reviews from their teachers, but I’m prepared for any eventuality. Especially Theo. I’ve seen a lot less of him in normal, in-person school than I have Bobby, so I’m not sure how he’s doing. Fingers crossed he’s doing well.

We managed to skirt the walking home from school debacle this week because of two days of rain, and then today they randomly got invited to a birthday party after school at someone’s house that had me flustered - I had to go pick them up in my pyjamas with wet hair and laundry half done, take them to a random person’s house and try to be social when I was totally unprepared to do so. I ended up leaving with Bobby because the kid was a second grader so B didn’t really want to hang out and it gave me a good excuse to leave, too. So Theo stayed behind with Bobby’s watch and texted me a couple of hours later to be picked up. I’ve learned about myself that I can only socialize when I’m prepared for it - being thrown into a situation like that with no notice is pretty much my worst nightmare. So I noped my way out of there. 

Good news about our Thanksgiving trip, the road from Beatty, NV to Death Valley is finally open after three months of closures from storm damage. So we won’t have to take the long route from Beatty into the park or skip it all together. The bad news is the cool pyramid structure I booked us to sleep in is having trouble with the heating so we’ve been moved to a couple of generic tiny houses. Boo. Well, maybe if our heater works out this weekend we can just bring that. Hard to believe we’ll be on that trip in less than two weeks.

 

Halloween and school plans

We had a perfectly delightful Halloween. So great to have things back to normal and not so full of fear. I didn’t get to go to the carnival after all because my band threw together a gig instead, but the school Halloween parade resumed Monday morning, and we went trick or treating earlier in our favorite Eagle Rock neighborhood which was a good call as it was less zoo-like at 6 pm as opposed to 8 when we used to go. After too many uses, Theo’s blow up dinosaur costume had holes and kept deflating which bummed him out, but Bobby’s Black Knight costume was a hit for those who got the reference. We even were able to have a chill dinner in the neighborhood and get to bed at a decent hour. Such a contrast from the truly dangerous and scary NYC Halloweens of my youth. I still expect awful things to happen on that night and am always shocked when it’s just a nice, pleasant time. 

Yesterday I toured the Eagle Rock school I want the kids to go to for jr/sr high. It was pretty much as I expected - it’s an older school, built in the 20s, so it’s not flashy, but has a long, illustrious history. I think it’ll be a good fit for the kids, but you just never know. That fall of 2024 is going to be a real nailbiter as far as how Bobby will adjust. I like to think these kids are pretty adaptable - they’ve never once had issues with going to new schools or places. But I don’t know what 12-year-old Bobby will be like compared to 10-year-old Bobby. I imagine he’ll be a lot like me - earphones in, music blasting, eyes on the ground. I hope some of his friends go there. I figure his chances of being admitted are decent, but no guarantees. Still, if he doesn’t get into the gifted magnet he can still be in the regular school and have access to a lot of the higher level classes, so it sort of doesn’t really matter. It feels good to have a plan in place and know what to do. Many of the other parents are still undecided at this point and I feel for them. That was me a couple of years ago.

Bobby pushed me to my limit this week, which is something that hasn’t happened since the violin days or the encopresis days. Boy, when he doesn’t want to do something, look out! He pretty much decided he doesn’t want to walk home from school anymore, and has turned it into this massive campaign that’s dragged on for weeks and driven me absolutely nuts. The apex of this was, on Wednesday, staying at school until after 5pm (he’s supposed to leave at 4) when it was getting dark, and telling me (via his kid watch) that now I’d have to come get him. Nope, nope, nope. “We” had a discussion with him I which we told him this kind of behavior would not be tolerated, and, thank god, he just came down yesterday. I definitely have wavered in my mind about the walking - maybe it’s too much for them? With daylight savings ending this weekend, maybe I need to just go get them from now on until it gets lighter again? It’s no skin off my nose to pick them up - I’m always home at that time - but as stated before, I’m doing this because I want them to have a little freedom, this is their only chance ever to walk home from school, and I want the flexibility to not be here sometimes (especially if I travel, which I will this spring). But it’s turned into this terrible, exhausting tug of war that had me at my wit’s end this week. It gave me an unpleasant peek into the future when these kids will be a lot more disagreeable than they are now, and I didn’t like it, not one bit. 

Coming up on Halloween

It’s the beginning of the holiday trifecta. I had to remind the boys we missed a Saturday Halloween in 2020 due to covid - we went camping that year instead - and by the time Halloween is on a weekend again, they will probably be too old for it. Sigh.

I had been stressing about missing the return of the boys’ school Halloween carnival on Saturday because my band was scheduled to play a wedding, but just got word that the wedding was canceled due to the couple contracting covid. How awful for them! That was my worst nightmare with my own wedding, either for us or anyone attending or participating. Thankfully we dodged that bullet. I can’t imagine what that couple is going through right now! So…now I get to go to the carnival, but I also feel guilty that I’m not helping out in any way. I feel like these elementary school rituals are numbered, now, as next year will be Bobby’s last at this school, so I just want to be a part of everything before this time is gone forever. I spend way too much time thinking about this.

The exterior house paint drags on. They’ve been doing doors and thresholds all week, and part of last week, so it’s been an awkward time of doors being left unlocked and open, screen doors propped open so I’m worried about the cat getting out, and feeling generally unsafe and intruded upon. I find myself not showering until the evening, and not doing much around the house because I feel like I’m being watched, and not leaving the house because I haven’t showered. I keep thinking this will end in a day or two - but it keeps dragging on. Next week will be week four. Sigh. This is why I haven’t painted the house in 15 years. 

My general habits have really collapsed over the last few weeks ever since my event ended. At first I gave myself time to just lie around and be lazy because I felt like I needed the recovery…but unfortunately now it’s just become a habit. I’ve gained 5lbs since September (which now means none of my clothes fit…again), my body feels terrible with aches and pains, and I’m tired all the time no matter how much I nap. To be fair I have made myself get out of bed for rigorous hikes at least three times a week, and I get through them, but they just leave me exhausted and achy. Is it my unhealthy habits causing all this, or is it my stage of life? Every woman I know my age reports the same thing - the sheer exhaustion of life that can no longer be blamed on pandemic lockdowns and home schooling. Personally I think it’s hormones; last night’s book club was, as always, full of menopause talk. I don’t think my situation is dire enough to think about medical intervention - yet. But I do sometimes wonder what a little estrogen could do for me. Am I suffering needlessly? When I’m out and about I generally feel pretty normal and like I can accomplish everything I need to. I just feel like I’m slowing down in general. And boy do I hate how hard it is to lose weight. I don’t know. I suppose I’ll be revisiting this topic a lot in the next few years. 

October desert visit

This weekend’s desert visit was a bit of a mixed bag. During the latest storms, we had talked about how cool it would be to be out there during one. We got our chance on Saturday. And it was cool - until it wasn’t.

At first we were enjoying watching the gathering storm like we’ve done before (last time they never hit us). Then with a rush and a smash it collided into us and we barely had time to grab our folding chairs and run inside before intense winds and rain crashed into us. 

Then it got really out of hand - gale force winds so intense the H had us evacuate to the car “just in case”, and as we did, gum ball sized hail pelted down. It reminded me of our experiences in Utah last summer - a little scary and vaguely life threatening…? I don’t personally think we were ever in any real danger, but boy did I underestimate the weather out there! I figured the heat would be our biggest issue - but no. I forget how close we are to Arizona, and thereby are subject to those same monsoons. As the storm abated we had a moment of being trapped - the H wanted to drive to the community center bathroom but couldn’t because of flash flooding on our little dirt road. I wondered if we’d be trapped for the night and figured I could throw together some semblance of dinner from Mac and cheese, bagels, and eggs. Thankfully we had spent the sunny part of the day assembling the kitchen stuff I brought (much to my delight, everything I bought worked out great). As it turned out we were able to head to the Palms for dinner once the flooding went down.

I was SO glad we hadn’t done as planned and cut a hole for a window!! That would have been a disaster of epic proportions. The H also thought if we’d put a window on that side the hail could have broken the glass. Good idea to get some storm shutters. Hey, at least we never have to worry about power going out. 

A very worrying thing happened, though. We had a contractor come over - the boyfriend of the woman we met at the Palms last time - mostly for informational purposes, since he had already told us he’s too busy to do any work for us and charges too much. He wasn’t terribly helpful - as much as he was a nice guy and is a good contact to have out there, he mostly told us horror stories of county inspectors coming out and making people tear their places down because they’re not to code, and/or seizing their property and putting it up for auction. I’m starting to have ptsd flashbacks to my last real estate disaster that I’m still paying for (buying a four plex in New Orleans days before Katrina hit). Will this all end horribly? Will I end up in some extended drama with the county that will drag on for years and end up with my property being taken from me? Well, the only real problem is the height of the building, which the H and I both hate and never wanted - if we had just rehabbed the original structure as planned we really would have nothing to worry about. Now I’m wondering if it’s worth looking into taking that second story off just to avoid future troubles. The H thinks it’s a waste of time and money and I’m half in that camp, too. After all, we may never face this issue - or may not face it for many years, who knows. But it definitely gives me pause. Between the weather and this Cassandra, I came away from this weekend wondering, am I in over my head with this place…?

Despite the weirdness I have to admit I did enjoy this weekend, which went mostly exactly as I wanted. We set up the new kitchen and everything worked great. Rather than suffering through trying to put in a window ourselves we spent Sunday driving up to Amboy to walk the crater, something we hadn’t gotten to do last time we went there because it was too hot. We got to go to the Palms, and I think I *might* have a solution for our toilet issues - buying a camping cartridge toilet, which, while not cheap to buy and operate, still may be the only way to have a toilet out there (the contractor also warned us that any composting or pit toilet we put out there would be immediately overrun by maggots and flies…which…sounds truly horrible. If the kids are afraid to use it, what’s the point??). Having a close place to poo, that we don’t have to worry about being a code violation, would make a huge difference in our comfort level. 

Pumpkin patch and middle schools

We had a lovely meet up with the donor sibling sisters at our old pumpkin patch last weekend after two years off. It’s fun to see how the girls have grown and changed. For sure one of the girls is more like Theo and the other is more like Bobby. It’s interesting to theorize about, but I think most likely it has to do with siblings playing off of each other - “you be the introvert, I’ll be the extrovert”. We narrowly avoided a disaster as apparently you have to buy advance tickets to this place now - yet another post-pandemic change in policy I was unprepared for - but one of the moms rescued me by getting online to get us some as we were in an area with barely any cell service. I have to remind myself to double check everything I used to do in 2019 - everything has changed. 

It’s delightful to see kids still invested in child-like things - despite this pumpkin patch really being more oriented towards littler kids, they were all really into it, playing on the wooden trains and tractors and loving picking out pumpkins. They of course insisted on carving them right away and as of today they are completely rotten and in the bin. 

I think it’s easier for kids to be kids longer these days. When I was a kid everyone was in such a rush to grow up - dressing like adults, smoking, being too cool for school. I’m sure some kids are like that today, but with the rise of nerd culture, it’s also perfectly acceptable to be into stuffed animals and cosplay and comics much later in life; I’m hoping this will be the case for my kids. I mean, why not? When I was fourteen I was still playing with dolls. You have your whole life to be an adult. “When you grow up, your heart dies.” 

Middle school madness has begun - I went on a tour yesterday, and attended a zoom last night. In a couple of weeks I tour the eagle rock school I have my eyes on. I felt better after a zoom chat with that school’s magnet advisor - I asked for tips on getting into their gifted magnet and it looks like we’re on track for a good chance at admission. This year I applied for both Bobby and Theo. I hope I still like the school after I tour it. Pros are: gifted program, big school so lots to offer, international baccalaureate program, highly rated, grades 7-12 so kids can be together longer. Cons are pretty much only the downsides of being in a giant school. We’ll see what I think when I go there. But as I’ve been told and as I told a new couple on the tour yesterday - you really can’t go wrong with any of these schools. They’re all good. But with both kids having tested as gifted (yay) it would behoove me to get them into an actual gifted program I think. 

The H has finally taken the big step of telling his boss he needs to hire someone to do the catching up work he’s been doing so he can focus on his own printing work. It won’t show immediate results - it may be a while before someone is hired and trained - but the fact that he has made that decision, mostly from pure exhaustion, is huge. It could mean big changes for our family. There have been times this year when he’s worked 40-50 days straight, most often until 2 AM every night. It’s ridiculous. He takes time off for weekend getaways and things, but then has to work until 2 AM every night for two weeks just to make up for taking a Saturday and Sunday off. This is not sustainable for any of us. So I’m hoping this means things will finally change. 

This weekend we head out to the desert to stay in our place and I’m beyond excited. Goals are to set up a basic kitchen (build the rolling cart I bought) and hopefully put in one window. And then leave most of our stuff out there for future visits. If we can have all the kitchen stuff and blow up beds, then all we’d need to bring for each visit is bedding and clothes and batteries. I’m looking forward to maybe heading up to Amboy for their chili dog cookout. There’s something so charming about a lone business in the middle of absolutely nothing. 

Neighbors

On Monday my desert neighbor (the one who lives there full time) alerted me that there were some trucks out at the cabin. I immediately got on the security cameras and saw that there was a small construction crew erecting a shed-like structure at the concrete slab on the lot next to ours. They had it up in just a few hours and then left, and haven’t returned all week. To me from a distance it just looks like a small storage shed - maybe these people just want a place to store desert toys like ATVs. My hope is it’s not an Airbnb. It would be awful to have random people out there next to us every time we go out - or even worse, messing with our place when we’re not out there. I see the panic people feel when they buy out in these remote places with an expectation of privacy, only to have people move in right next to you and ruin everything. We’ll be out there next weekend so I’m going to go check it out (assuming people aren’t there-!).

I finally got the California grant today that I’ve been waiting for and stressing over for a full year (I submitted the application I believe around this time last October). Funds were deposited today. What a relief. This is the last of the free government money. I’ve had to remind myself of that, and the fact that I’m now back on a fixed income; whatever I make off the event is it, and I have to make that stretch a full year. I’m going to have to say no to things again and budget again. With trying to pay down the house aggressively and expenses with the cabin, plus how much the event budget has ballooned out of control, I may be in for a slim few years (especially after next year’s 25th anniversary passes). 

The house painters power washed the house yesterday, and the whole place has smelled of damp old wood since. They start scraping and painting Monday. I’m looking forward to this place having a fresh new start. 

I had a full medical workup this week, which included a varicella test to see if I’d ever had chicken pox (I swore I hadn’t) and thereby need the shingles vaccine. Bizarrely despite having zero memory of ever having had chicken pox, my blood work says otherwise. I was also pleased to see all my blood work still looks good; looking at graphs of past results, I see all my numbers were the worst during covid. It’s amazing what stress does to your body. So despite being older, eating worse and barely exercising the last couple of months, I’m in better shape now than when I was ten pounds thinner, hiking every day and fasting. Huh. Of course a simple blood sugar and lipid panel doesn’t tell you everything, but it is interesting to get a snapshot of how your body is doing over time. Got my mammogram yesterday. Got my flu shot and tetanus booster. Good to go.

My hair is falling out because of the covid in July - I figure it’s akin to post-pregnancy hair loss where my hair may get thinner but not really disappear; but it is a little freaky. I wonder when it’ll stop. Apparently it’s supposed to go on for months. 

The boys had picture day yesterday. Bobby’s wall is full, so I may have to loop around! It’s fascinating to watch their chubby little baby faces elongate and show such personality. Bobby has asked me to order him a bucket hat with cats on it - apparently all the 5th graders have started wearing wacky hats to school. It’s fun to see him participate in these pre-teen rituals. It feels so “normal” to have kids back at school again, bouncing off each other culturally. I can’t wait until they start talking about girls (assuming that’s their preference). I *promise* not to embarrass them. Leaving this here for accountability.