I had been stressing about missing the return of the boys’ school Halloween carnival on Saturday because my band was scheduled to play a wedding, but just got word that the wedding was canceled due to the couple contracting covid. How awful for them! That was my worst nightmare with my own wedding, either for us or anyone attending or participating. Thankfully we dodged that bullet. I can’t imagine what that couple is going through right now! So…now I get to go to the carnival, but I also feel guilty that I’m not helping out in any way. I feel like these elementary school rituals are numbered, now, as next year will be Bobby’s last at this school, so I just want to be a part of everything before this time is gone forever. I spend way too much time thinking about this.
The exterior house paint drags on. They’ve been doing doors and thresholds all week, and part of last week, so it’s been an awkward time of doors being left unlocked and open, screen doors propped open so I’m worried about the cat getting out, and feeling generally unsafe and intruded upon. I find myself not showering until the evening, and not doing much around the house because I feel like I’m being watched, and not leaving the house because I haven’t showered. I keep thinking this will end in a day or two - but it keeps dragging on. Next week will be week four. Sigh. This is why I haven’t painted the house in 15 years.
My general habits have really collapsed over the last few weeks ever since my event ended. At first I gave myself time to just lie around and be lazy because I felt like I needed the recovery…but unfortunately now it’s just become a habit. I’ve gained 5lbs since September (which now means none of my clothes fit…again), my body feels terrible with aches and pains, and I’m tired all the time no matter how much I nap. To be fair I have made myself get out of bed for rigorous hikes at least three times a week, and I get through them, but they just leave me exhausted and achy. Is it my unhealthy habits causing all this, or is it my stage of life? Every woman I know my age reports the same thing - the sheer exhaustion of life that can no longer be blamed on pandemic lockdowns and home schooling. Personally I think it’s hormones; last night’s book club was, as always, full of menopause talk. I don’t think my situation is dire enough to think about medical intervention - yet. But I do sometimes wonder what a little estrogen could do for me. Am I suffering needlessly? When I’m out and about I generally feel pretty normal and like I can accomplish everything I need to. I just feel like I’m slowing down in general. And boy do I hate how hard it is to lose weight. I don’t know. I suppose I’ll be revisiting this topic a lot in the next few years.
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