Ho ho ho!

Here they are, improvised home made Christmas stockings!

Friends. How many of us have them?

Some of you urban types may recognize the title of this post. I have been in a nostalgia haze since watching a 1982 documentary called Style Wars yesterday about warring subway graffiti artists in NY in the early eighties. I love watching any movie about, or that takes place in NY in the 70s or 80s, partially because it's my childhood, and partially because it confirms my memory of how NY was such a Wild West back then. Honestly I don't know how I survived it, especially considering how us kids just wandered the streets at all hours unsupervised back then. But I digress -

I wanted to write about a couple of friends. One is my friend who inadvertently insulted me a couple of months ago in telling her son in front of me that my son's dad had abandoned us. I sent her an email demanding an apology, and she apologized profusely. A few days later she left me a message wanting to get together...and I just didn't feel like it, and put off calling her, finally sending her a weak text a few days later saying I'd been really busy but could get together the next week. Then a bunch of time passed, and I wondered if our friendship hadn't met its end. And I was ok with that, because I felt awkward about everything that'd happened and didn't feel a compelling need to spend time with her. Then last week she left me two messages. I have not listened to them; they are still on my phone, mocking me. And in our relationship I never left her hanging or didn't call back. So I'm sure she knows something's up, and I know something's up. And I am really torn about calling her back. I just don't know that I want to keep this friend, and that's a tough call to make, especially after nearly twenty years of friendship. One big reason not to see her now is because I can no longer talk politics with her - and you know that's what's going to happen, with a major election behind us. And unfortunately she's one of these paranoid verging on Tea Party types, convinced that we're heading into the End Times. I know, I know, this should be reason enough to cut her off. For me it's a huge reason, believe me. But figuring out what to "do with" her is causing me a lot of stress, because I know there's a really good, caring person in there. Agh!

The other isn't so much an issue but an observation. I have an older, childless friend who got a dog right after I had the baby, and it was cruelly pointed out to her by some guy that this was her version of having a baby. I know this really stung her, and so now every time we get together with my walking friend or just us, she has to bring it up, as in from last week, "here I am with my younger friends and their babies, and it's just me and my dog, wah-wah!" Oh, it breaks my heart. Because that used to be me, and could very easily have continued to be me. I was always the one left out of the life experiences that everyone else was having, and it sucked. My heart bleeds for her, it really does.

But in happier news, I've found I really get a kick out of reading my fellow bloggers' descriptions of their babies and what they're doing now. So for (hopefully) someone's entertainment and also for my own record (I will make a baby book, dammit!), here is a little snapshot of Bumpus Today:

He has started swinging his arms in such a way to clap his hands. I don't think he knows he's clapping his hands yet, but it sure is cute. He especially does this when I sing him the Batman theme song. I think he likes the "da na na na na na na" part.

I love when he yells at his toys. I know this is his rudimentary way of playing, and it's adorable.

I love when he looks around and snacks his lips - it's like he's saying, "what trouble can I get into...?"

He has started really noticing when I leave the room, and breaks into a huge smile when I come back. I make sure to return this big smile every time. I once heard Oprah say something about "does your face light up when your child walks into the room?" And that really stuck with me.

I love how when I pick him up and hoist him over my head his legs kick straight out like he's flying.

I squeeze him tightly, rock him from side to side, and make grunting noises. I call it Bear Hugs. He always giggles when I do this.

I love how when he spots something he's interested in, like mommy's toys (my phone, the remote), he starts breathing heavy and his upper lip gets all pointy like a little beak. So cute!

There's a million more of these; I think I'll just start compiling lists. These are definitely the kind of things I'll want to remember (and embarrass him in front of dates with) ;)

What's going on

What's been going on around here? Pinterest. Yup, that's pretty much it. See why I was reluctant to join it? I knew my life would be taken over with reading blogs with titles like 101 Christmas Crafts for Your Toddler and re-pinning pictures of peppermint marshmallows. And it has.

The good thing about Pinterest, though, is it fulfills my psychological need for shopping without actually shopping. I get to look at pretty things and fantasize about how great my life would be if I had that thing, without spending money to buy it. It allows me to just bookmark it for later...a later which, hopefully, will never come. And then most of the things on Pinterest that I pin aren't things to buy, anyway - they're cheap household DIY projects, or parenting tips (mostly about raising toddlers, or tips for mothers of boys, all advice I really need!), or recipes (can never have enough of those). So I figure as an addiction it's fairly harmless, or at least a lot less harmful than my other addictions - sugar, TV, carbs, shopping. I would say sleep, but that doesn't really apply at the moment -!

Yesterday I hit up the two people who still owe me money, one of them being my ex. He is incredibly defensive and hostile every time I approach him (via email or FB). He had told me he'd pay me the $300 he owes in two week increments - he paid one $100 payment two months ago and I never heard from him again. Yesterday he told me he had tried to pay one more payment but it "didn't go through" and he'd provide documentation if I "think he's lying" (exclamation point). What a loser! He said he'd pay me another $100 right away but of course a day has gone by and nothing. I won't stop riding him until I get that remaining $200. I'm amazed there are people in this world who can owe people money for years and not be bothered by it - AND when confronted act like the person who loaned the money is at fault (last time I wrote him he said "I knew I never should have accepted that money"). I guess we know who those people are - they're sociopaths.

The good news is when I get this money I am going to buy a new laptop with it. My computer is eight years old and so slow and buggy that I'm afraid it's going to crash any moment, so I just stay off of it, which means anything that can't easily be done on my phone doesn't get done. Which is no good with my registration launching in just a couple of months. So I am very excited to upgrade and start fresh! I am owed $950 total so I figure that should get me something nice.

Bumpus and I are recovering from yet another in a series of colds. I have completely lost my voice, and sleep has been terrible between a sick baby and my own nose being completely blocked. Bumpus HATES when I try to wipe his runny nose, and I traumatized him with the nosefrida, so handling his boogie nose has been a real challenge. Still, I would prefer not to have his snot all over my shirts, sheets, upholstery, etc. I mean, I love you, kid, but there are some limits.

No!vember

Just a hint on how I voted on most of our California propositions today. And now...we wait!

What am I turning into???

I am doing crafts. You heard me. Go to the fabric store, buy special tools kind of crafts. And I joined Pinterest after avoiding it for months. I am suddenly inspired to make peppermint stick cupcakes, tin foil icicle decorations, and my own cheese.

I think it's the fact that a) I have tons of time on my hands, and b) it's the aforementioned Festive Season and I want Bumpus to have some holiday memories, dammit. There was a time when my mother cooked macrobiotic meals from scratch, made miniature paper dolls, and blew out the contents of eggs and made Christmas tree ornaments. I would like to channel those aspects of my mother if possible. The cooking part I've had down since high school, but the craft part still needs a little work.

My current project is Christmas stockings. So far they're turning out pretty cool. They're a lot of work and I don't really know what I'm doing, but I know one day I'll be really glad I made them.

So what constitutes a good mother? Is it one that hugs and kisses their child a lot? One that plays with him and makes up games? One that cooks and makes crafts? One that makes sure he's safe and warm and fed but that's it? I don't really know. I'm just figuring this thing out, day by day.

Here's some cute baby pics (and my pile of craft materials):

A thought for a Friday night

Other mothers

Yesterday I went to the first of my new mom meetup events. It was a casual park get together, with the added lure of trying out a swing for the first time (see yesterday's pics).

It was interesting being around new people since I'm in such a crunchy mom bubble around here. At this meetup, everyone used strollers and not carriers. Everyone talked about their husbands more than their babies. And just about everyone formula fed. And before I caught myself, me, the defender of formula feeders, I found myself judging them. Just a little. When the fifth baby got cranky and the mom whipped out the pre-measured powder and small bottles of water, I found myself thinking, "wtf? Does nobody breastfeed around here? They're all young and healthy, what's going on?" But then I quickly corrected myself and remembered how hard it was for me in the beginning, how I almost gave up, and absolutely would have, had I not had people encouraging me and giving me resources to get help. And how many people have major issues around breastfeeding even if they're able to do it some of the time. Then I mentally shut up. But it was just odd because everyone - and I mean everyone - I know, are passionate baby wearers, breastfeeders, most even cloth diaperers. So that shows the company I keep.

My Mom Guru friend was impressed when I told her the turnout - probably 10-15 mothers - and said meet ups are really hard; that it's difficult to get new members, difficult to get anyone to RSVP for events, and difficult to get those who RSVP to show up. I forget how phenomenally flaky most people are, especially when they have small children. I can honestly say since I had Bumpus I've only had to cancel a couple of things, and am NEVER late. But this is not so for most people. And that's ok - it just means I won't be starting my own meetup group anytime soon. I had high hopes that I could really get a groundswell movement going here in LA for single moms by choice, but if you can barely even get traditional married moms together, well, I might just have my work cut out for me.

Speaking of groups and gatherings, the bastard on the Hall of Fame board has resigned! He probably didn't like being attacked by us at the last meeting. So now I am motivated to stay on the board, maybe even run for president if nobody else wants the job. I would love nothing more than to whip this puppy into shape. I also have lately been thinking about getting into some local politics at some point. I've always been very political and have found I really like the idea of public service. So maybe I'll look into getting into some neighborhood councils or something.

Lately as I move forward into this whole motherhood thing, it's hard not to think of my own mother and compare our experiences. And it sincerely pains me to say this, but I am developing a little empathy for her. She was profoundly selfish, yes. Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Yes. And later on she was a crappy abandoning mother, for sure. But when we were babies, she did everything I'm doing for Bumpus, for me and my sister. She stayed up with us at night, she diapered us, cleaned up our vomit, fed us, listened to us cry a million times, kept us warm or cool as needed, made us birthday cakes and Halloween costumes and wrapped our presents. I know there were times in our poverty where she did without so we could have something. When we were teenagers she had no sympathy for our problems, never kissed or hugged us or told us she loved us, yes. But when we were babies...when we were babies...!

She must have hugged us then! I know she was an old school CIO type (let's face it, nearly all mothers were in the 70s and 60s), but she must have comforted us at least some of the time, must have kissed our boo boos and picked us up when we really needed it. It's a cruel reality that we can't remember back that far, but can only remember later, when her depression and narcissism got out of control, when our religion ruled our lives and she was realizing that had she never had kids she might have been successful (not quite understanding that it was probably more the husbands than the kids that prevented her from doing things).

But so often I look at little Bumpus - and he looks SO much like her - and think of the love I have for him, and will always have for him, and wonder, with a broken heart, why, and how, she stopped loving us.