The fog settles

Unsurprisingly I’m still in a bit of a fog, still feeling unmoored and distracted. Is it like this every year? Perhaps. A year is too far for the human brain to contextualize. Everyone forgets how hot or cold it gets; everyone forgets what happened last Christmas. I do recall feeling like I’m not really recovered from the event until about mid-October, so odds are whatever I’m going through mentally is normal. 

Still no sign of the final hotel bill, so although I have a glimpse of what I’m facing, I don’t know for sure. The money situation seems to be ok but not great. Being the overachiever I am, I had hoped I’d be a bit better off than last year, but I think actually I’ll be a bit worse off. I keep forgetting that I did in fact lose 80 people and the event was a lot more expensive, so there’s literally no way I could have ended up with more money. I’m lucky I could even pay for it, honestly. But my bills are covered. That’s all that matters. 

Despite having tweaked my back during the move back from the hotel and been in mild to excruciating pain ever since, I was able to do all of my exercise classes this week and jump back in to at least some of my volunteering (I won’t be able to do any Friday food distribution for two more weeks, sadly). Slowly things are getting back to normal - although all of that is about to change; I leave for Chicago on Thursday, then the following week am in Northern California the weekend after. Maybe some travel will be just what the doctor ordered, however. I haven’t been anywhere since Hawaii in June and am feeling extremely restless. The weather in the desert is absolutely perfect right now but much to my chagrin because of all these trips we can’t go for another month. I need to try to keep this particular weekend open in the future for a desert trip (we have a concert tonight). 

Yesterday the kids had a minimum day so I took them to in n out for lunch and asked them to grade their 7th and 9th grade experiences so far. Theo gave his an 89.5 and Bobby gave his a 75. Bobby does not like his English or Spanish classes; both kids like their math and science classes. These kids are so the opposite of me. I tried to talk to them about colleges or future career aspirations but they’re just not there yet. It’s so odd because I was so future and career driven at their age - part of that may have been that my home life and childhood were so unenjoyable; part of it may have just been that I was a girl. I feel like so many (not all, of course) of my friends have girls that are highly motivated and active and involved in things, whereas all their boys are just home playing video games like mine. Is this normal? Should I be worried? I worry constantly whether I actually should or not. I figure it’s a year or two before I really need to focus on Bobby’s college ambitions or adult future; but being me I feel like I always need to be one step ahead. I attended a college prep zoom put on by the school last night but it was an hour of useless information. Sigh. 

In general feeling pretty good about things politically, pretty optimistic. MAGA appears to be in its long overdue death throes; I’m hopeful for the mid terms. That’s going to be one hell of a nail biter of a night. I’m literally counting the days.