Kicking the can down the road

I got the hotel proposal, but only for 2026. It was, thank god, a good offer, with no ballroom rental fee and a guest room rate only $30 higher than our current rate (as opposed to $90 which was what I was expecting). So relief all around, there. However -

I emailed back to bring in the subject of adding a day and night on to my program, and she wanted to talk on the phone, so we just did. Adding the night is no issue for 2026, but may not be possible next year due to another group using the space. Kinda sucks but kind of ok, too - also, it may turn out we can use it. However, the one thing that happened that raised red flags for me was the fact that they only want to give me contracts for two years. In the past they’ve never done less than three - and my current set is five years. I asked why and she said “they’re just not contracting anyone beyond 2027.” She also said that she pleaded my case to “finance” and they all agreed I was the best fit for that weekend - which, I guess, is nice, but the fact that they had to have a meeting to consider if they even want me anymore was a bit concerning. So I feel a bit…I don’t know…strung along? Like, we’ll keep you until 2027 but after that you could be replaced. The most likely issue is they’re unwilling to get into long term commitments - which I get - and want to see if they can “do better” in three or four years’ time. I guess I should be grateful they’re giving me a good deal and my place is (or will be, unless something happens between now and signing) secure until 2028. But it’s also possible the reason they don’t want to commit is something like the hotel is set to be sold or demolished. I mean I guess I shouldn’t be worried about things I have no control over - most likely I will continue to have a good relationship with them for as long as the event lasts. But I also might be moving location or weekend by 2028 which is a bit scary. Oh well…I guess we just kicked that can down the road a few years, but it’s still going to have to be dealt with. Sigh.

In the meantime, Bobby turns twelve on Sunday, and the next two days are going to be all about packing and preparing for our RV trip to the Death Valley star camp (two nights), Trona pinnacles (one night), Glamis hot springs resort (two nights), boondocking by the Kelso dunes (one night), Mitchell caverns tour, and then home. Then the boys just have two months of school left, I’ve got to sort out what will probably be their last year at cheap rec center summer camp (Bobby ages out after this year), and then BAM my event is upon me. 

Spring has sprung around here and summer is constantly on my mind. I know I’ll regret it later, but boy I can’t wait for it to be hot and school to be over. I’m going to give the boys more free time this summer - I figure I’ll only have them in camp the month before school starts (assuming I even make it in - last year I barely did). Talk has begun for 6th grade culmination stuff - picnics, softball games, graduation itself, which hopefully my sister can come out for. It’ll be Bobby’s first *real* graduation, shifting from one school to another, since preschool. I don’t know if he’ll have another until actual high school graduation. Then our lives change forever when he starts at the junior high down the road and and he and Theo are separated again for two years. It’s hard to get a sense of what, if anything, he thinks about all this. Maybe these kids don’t overthink and catastrophize the way I did/do. At least he’ll be with friends. It was super cute, and heartwarming, to see him at his birthday party with all these kids he’s known since he was five. I never had that, but I’m so glad they do. 

Birthday gauntlet almost complete

This weekend was the much anticipated (read: feared) dual birthday party at the trampoline park. I got myself a bit worked up fearing the overstimulation and chaos I knew was coming. But in the end, it was actually pretty ok. We had about 17-18 kids total, way too much (terrible) pizza we later “donated” to the local homeless encampment, just enough cake, and mostly gift cards for presents, which alleviated my fears of the house filling up with plastic crap again. The check-in process was a bit crazy - some parents left their kids to figure out how to check in on their own, and of course there were always problems (unsigned waivers, couldn’t find waiver, etc etc) and kids were just wandering around aimlessly not knowing where to go or what to do. Luckily I knew these kids (they weren’t Theo’s new friends I don’t recognize) and so was able to grab them and fix whatever issue was happening at the desk. It was a real eye opener as to how helpless kids still are at this age. It’s easy to forget, sometimes. 

Enough parents stayed that I got to chat with, and I have to say it was nice reconnecting with these people after so long. Naturally most of the conversation was about junior high next year, and also how much everyone hates the new principal at our old school (lots of comments like “you got out just in time”). Most of the kids in Bobby’s class will also be going to the same Jr/sr high - I think for many of them it was kind of the only option, since they made the decision to keep their kids in elementary school for 6th grade, all the most sought after jr highs with gifted programs filled up for 6th and have no spots for 7th. I wonder how many people intentionally held out for our school like we did, and how many found out the hard way they should have moved their kid last year. 

Still, I’m glad Bobby will be going forward to a new school with so many friends. I never had this when I was his age, and I feel like it’ll make the transition so much easier. Also, selfishly, it’ll make me less anxious for him. His class toured the school last week and he seemed positive about it. I’m very much looking forward to whatever orientation they offer us as families before the school year starts - I have zero understanding of how the school works, or what we’ll be facing come August as far as drop offs/pick ups/homework, etc. I’m worried Bobby is not at all prepared for how hard it’s going to get. I do remember for myself how difficult it suddenly became in 7th grade - there was a lot more work, the material was much harder, and we were suddenly inflicted with mid term and final exams, which I loathed. Bobby is already forgetting homework and not doing well on these Latin root tests his class has been doing. It’s a delicate dance to know how much I should be breathing down his neck and how much I should be letting him figure it out. Unlike me at his age, though, he does not appear to be plagued by perfectionism, so I’m worried he doesn’t mind failing tests or not turning in work (things that would have horrified me at his age). Still, his teacher seems to think he’s doing just fine, so I don’t know how much I need to worry about all this. Well. I guess when he starts at the new school we’ll see how he does. 

Now all we have left is Bobby’s actual birthday on Sunday - I’m going to drive to Santa Monica to try to get him a cookie puss cake from California’s only Carvel store again; then we’re officially done with “birthday season”. As always, it was exhausting and expensive. But everyone had a good time and was celebrated, so I feel good about it.

Next up, one more week of school and exercise classes and then we’re in an RV for a week. We’re going to a Death Valley “star camp” for two nights (a camping set up in Panamint valley with telescopes, a giant glowing chess set, and a tent set up with video games for the kids so they aren’t too miserable), then to the Trona pinnacles which I’ve always wanted to check out, then two nights at a hot spring resort with an atv rental on one of the days, then back up to the Mohave national preserve where we’re finally doing a tour of the Mitchell caverns. I’m hoping we can swing by Bombay beach as well to see what new art installations they have going on. I recently became a patron. 

In the meantime, I’m tackling my existential dread head-on and am making strides towards securing new contracts with my hotel going forward. I finally got to chat with a friend of a friend who’s a higher up at another hotel chain, someone I kept missing over and over for weeks while I spun my wheels (she’s very busy), and the conversation was very helpful. She confirmed what I already knew - that because of new labor laws, it is impossible to get any kind of group room rate at hotels under $200/night these days, and that I should definitely be making decisions about adding food in to offset costs. She said I should ask the hotel for a proposal for the next few years, and I did. Once they put something together for me, she said she’d go over it. I’m very grateful to have someone helping with this process. But I’m also having realistic expectations as far as what they’re going to offer me. I think the future of this event is going to be much more expensive rooms with a much shorter window for booking - and I know I’m going to lose some people because of the rising costs, and I’m just going to have to live with that. When 2026 rolls around and our rates go up, I’m going to have to be transparent about why, and also give people a reasonable expectation as far as when rooms will sell out. Most people will get it. We all know everything has changed in the last few years, costs of everything have skyrocketed. At least I still have this year and next before the sticker shock moment. And hopefully I can add in that extra day and night next year to make people feel like they’re getting more event for the same price. Fingers crossed this all goes well. My entire future literally hinges on it. 

Here’s a picture of Bobby being awkward at his birthday party (he is for sure my kid).

No more single digits! Theo is ten

This big kid turned ten yesterday. We had a little family party with singing and a cake and a few presents - a Percy Jackson book set, a fancy head strap for his VR, a bubble gun and a solar robot kit. He seemed pleased. 

What is Theo like, at ten? He’s very different from his brother, which means he’s very different from me. He’s easy going, social, extroverted. He’s a morning person, doesn’t get emotional at movies, and has recently been disliking more and more foods which makes it challenging for me (all he’ll eat for breakfast these days is applesauce). He’s excelling in math and doing well in school. Unlike last year’s birthday party disaster, this year he’s got ten kids coming from his old school and new school. The kid can dance. I hope he pursues that in some way. At ten, he still enjoys a cuddle, which is delightful. He’ll watch my trashy reality dating shows with me. My relationship with him is very different from my relationship with Bobby, just because they’re so different and need/want different things from me. But I sincerely hope they both feel equally loved, because that is definitely true. 

He’s in!

First thing this morning I got the acceptance letter that Bobby made it into the gifted program at Eagle Rock jr/sr high. So, years of speculation are now settled - he’s in! Coincidentally, all of the 6th grade classes are touring the school tomorrow, so that will be his first window into the next six years of his life. It was unlikely that he wouldn’t make it, but there was always that chance. I’m glad that’s settled. I hope the parents get another tour, too. It’s been a couple of years so I don’t remember much about it, and I have no idea how the school runs as far as how the schedule works for 7th graders. I *think* class starts a half hour later than Theo’s school (in California, junior and senior high schools are mandated to start no earlier than 8:30) but I don’t know when the school day ends or how much those start/end times are influenced by extracurriculars. We’ll find out! 

Theo was wait listed for the gifted program for 5th grade, which was also no surprise. I imagine there’s a chance he’ll get in for 6th grade when a lot of kids leave for junior high - but even if he doesn’t make it next year, odds of him getting in to the gifted program at Bobby’s new school are pretty good, since he’ll have all the points I’ve gotten for him plus now “sibling points”. 

In the meantime, it’s Theo’s last day of being nine. It’s funny to think that ten years ago I was starting to have labor pains but wasn’t sure if it was the real deal or not. That was my life a decade ago. It feels like a million years have passed. 

This week I publish my final podcast episode. I have done twenty - two special “mental health” episodes to round out the season, two non-CS interviews, and sixteen ex-CS interviews. Personally, I could keep going - I’m going to take a short break, but only to see if I can get more subjects. The last thing I can try is to post in the main ex-CS FB group looking for people who want to tell their stories - I imagine I’ll get a handful. But if I don’t get any, or enough, I may just end the project. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’ve created a resource that will live forever, which has helped people. It’s fucked me up a little bit, too, but it’s ok. Overall it’s been very cathartic.

I did my tour of the Hyatt yesterday and it was as expected - everything about the place was just too small for my event. I’m waiting on a bid from them so I know what the going offer is. But it occurred to me that other than renegotiating next year’s contract to include a Thursday night at my current hotel, there’s really no urgency to do anything else. Right now my public stance is going to be “sorry, room block is sold out” and that’s it. It sucks, and it will impact my sales, but the hotel won’t budge (because really, why should they?), and there’s no point in knocking myself out over it (there’s not much I can do, anyway). I’m waiting to see if they’ll add a few more rooms just to sell out existing nights for me, then I’ll wash my hands of it. 

I survived the weekend gig despite being in the presence of a few people who make me profoundly uncomfortable. I did my usual hide-in-the-corner thing, which is very effective. Next we all have to make a decision about how to handle this problematic guy, but that conversation is still muted from the weekend, so I’ll await instructions there. 

After a few days off I return to the gym today for yoga, followed by something called “yogalates” tomorrow, and a strength training class at my home gym on Friday. I’ve been exceptionally wiped out by the time change - I don’t remember being so adversely affected by it before; so far this week it feels like I’m being made to wake up in the middle of the night to get kids to school. Yesterday I just came home and let myself sleep. I felt guilty for sliding back into old habits, but I just couldn’t deal. My friend and I have decided to do a diet challenge for April. I’m skeptical I’ll be able to stick with it - I’ve failed utterly up until this point - but I’m hoping a little accountability will help. I’m going to do the 5:2 again as it’s the only thing that really worked for me. I just have to get back in the habit. I know from experience that the exercise, despite being good for my mental health, longevity, and strength, won’t do shit for weight loss unless I also cut calories. It would be great to lose some weight by summer, to fit into my clothes, etc etc. It’s all about forming new habits. I’ve been able to do it with exercise, so there’s no reason I can’t do it with the 5:2 again. Until April 1st I’m going to enjoy my birthday cake and camping food, however. 

Birthday season

Both boys got glowing reports from their teachers this week, phew. The only criticisms were Theo needs to expand a little more when he writes (he tends to do the bare minimum), and Bobby needs to expand a little more when he speaks. Bobby’s teacher in particular has noticed that Bobby’s in this friend group of two other kids who tend to influence each other - sometimes out of really trying in class. Knowing one of these other kids, this doesn’t surprise me. This particular kid was in Bobby’s kindergarten class and bullied another kid who was on the spectrum so brutally that he left school. I’ve always looked at this kid askance after finding this out. I’m curious if he’ll be at Bobby’s (proposed) Jr high. We shall see. 

But it was a relief to find out both kids are doing well, academically as well as socially. I feel like they’re in good hands with their current teachers, and that it’s been a good year for them. Of course, this is Bobby’s last year of having one teacher, so this era comes to a close soon. It’s weird to think of Theo being at this school for two more years, by himself. I’m going to do my best not to completely check out of this school emotionally after Bobby leaves, which is something I have a tendency to do when it comes to transitioning to new places. Theo still needs me to be present for whatever is going on for him in 5th and 6th grade, even when Bobby’s new life as a junior high schooler will be a big learning curve for us all.

Theo turns ten in just a few days. It’s weird to think I can no longer call myself “a mother of young children”. They’re more or less “tweens” now - not little, but not grown, either. Neither have had any dramatic growth spurts. They’re both still shorter than me, with smaller feet, and are still very much children, with tunnel vision for everything video games, zero interest in girls, and mainly focused on how to get more candy and not have to do homework. Their room is still full of stuffies and impossibly outgrown childhood furniture (this is a project I desperately need to tackle, but am overwhelmed by). 

Tonight we finally celebrate the H’s birthday at an as yet undetermined restaurant. I had reservations on his actual birthday on Tuesday, but as is typical, he had me cancel it because he had to work. I felt some type of way about that, but almost immediately two major earthquakes took over my business life. One was, despite what I’d been told and had come to believe, the shenanigans with the hotel have returned to haunt me - once again, we’re six months out, my room block has sold out, and the hotel will only add more rooms if they can charge almost $100 extra per night above my group rate. So much for “working with me”. I went on a mad rant to my contact over there, and talked it over with several friends, but determined a few things I’m just going to have to live with, mainly, that they are under zero obligation, contractually, to provide me with more cut rate rooms. Yes, in the past they’ve always given me more rooms with zero qualms, so that’s what I’m used to, but everything has changed post-pandemic. And even pre-pandemic, honestly, since they did a major renovation in 2019 (and almost didn’t finish in time, leaving me with no ballroom space potentially, lest we forget that dumpster fire) and I think had been positioning themselves to be a luxury hotel even back then. My days of cheap rooms and an accommodating staff were numbered even then but I didn’t know it. I don’t have much choice at this point but to do what I ended up doing last year, which was just be honest and tell people we’re sold out and I can’t help. Honestly, people got it. I do feel that not having affordable rooms impacted my turnout - and I’m worried that will negatively affect me again this year - but I also can’t in good conscience offer up rooms at $100 more a night and expect people not to freak out. And they were only willing to give me 30 more rooms at that rate, so what’s the point? So after losing my mind for a few days, I’ve decided I’m just going to post that our block is sold out and that’s it. Everyone’s just going to have to figure it out. 

In the meantime, in a moment of spite, I made an appointment for next Monday to tour the Hyatt next door. They’ve been courting me for some time, and even though I’m 90% sure the space won’t work for me, I feel I owe it to myself to explore options. Also, it will be educational for me to see what the going offer is from hotels these days, so I have realistic expectations. At this point I feel like my head is stuck in 2015 and I need to accept that this whole business model has changed, and not for the better. I’m also under the gun to re-negotiate my 2025 contract at my current hotel to add Thursday night, and I might as well work on upcoming years at the same time, and I want to know what to expect and if there are or aren’t better deals out there. I feel like I’m in a long-term marriage and am feeling unappreciated and looking to step out - only to, most likely, discover that there’s nothing better out there. That’s my prediction. But I have to try so I can at least say I did.

The other big earthquake is yet another dancer I had trusted and thought was a good guy (well, to be honest, I felt like he could go either way) has been accused of SA and various other problematic behaviors at my event and others, and there’s a group of us trying to figure out how to handle it, which has taken all of our time and emotional energy the last few days. How it affects me is I have to figure out how to handle his potential attendance at my event (he already paid), and he’s running an event that my band is playing in a couple of months and I have to decide if we should pull out (probably). It’s a huge mess, and my heart goes out to the women who have watched us all embrace him and help him and give him special recognition when the whole time he was just a creep (with an alcohol problem, which I knew nothing about). It must have been so infuriating. Well, this guy knows how to present his best self to certain people. I’m wary of men like that these days - because I’m the one with all the power, these guys tend to love bomb me to get me on their side so when all the allegations come out I’ll back them. Joke’s on them - I’m well versed in narcissistic behavior and cult tactics, so when the allegations inevitably come to light, I believe the accusers. I wish I had had this knowledge years ago, but at least I have it now.

This weekend’s singing gig is going to be extremely stressful because of his presence and a few other factors - I’m just going to take a deep breath, pull up my big girl panties, make some memes, and get through it. One step at a time. 

A blast from the past

This weekend we went out to the desert for our usual r&r and to get some projects done, mainly to paint and protect the raw wood of our outhouse and new overhang before the elements get to them. I like to think of our time there as a throwback to a simpler time (despite capitulating and allowing a tv, which, to be honest, has been a godsend keeping the kids occupied while the H and I work). 

Unfortunately, this weekend that “simpler time” involved having a sick kid with no running water, toilet, or decent supply of food. It also involved a massive wind storm that kept us trapped indoors and unable to do anything Saturday. Poor Theo woke up Saturday morning complaining of a stomach ache - oddly, Bobby had had a stomach ache all last week, to the point of even spending time in the nurse’s office at school one day - but nothing came of Bobby’s so I assumed it was just an odd coincidence. However, Theo started throwing up later in the morning. Thankfully I keep lots of enamel basins around, so no mess was made, but it was gnarly. I was worried and wondering if we should just head home, but the wind storm made that prospect pretty scary, too, so we didn’t know what to do. That night he complained his legs were hurting and crawled into bed with us; he was running a light fever. I googled for symptoms but couldn’t find anything that related to these things - and by the morning he was fine. The wind had stopped and we somehow managed to get two days’ worth of projects done in one - rubbing linseed oil into the wood of the outhouse and then priming and painting the overhang wood, plus hanging our sign and putting a rope on the security door so the wind doesn’t slam it into the window every time it’s open.

Now I’m holding my breath that whatever Theo had is not a virus we’re all going to catch one by one. The H said his stomach was messed up last week, too. Is it possible for once the reverse has happened and I’m the only one not to get sick? Is it covid? Was it food poisoning from the sketchy Farmer’s where we got dinner Friday night in Rialto? I’m gonna wait until Wednesday and see if we’re all in the clear. 

We can’t go back until April, and that bums me out. However, right now April and May weekends are wide open for visits, and that’s an excellent time to go. I’m hoping we can tackle a shower then - that would be a huge upgrade. But I’m pleased to say I was able to do my little bird bath all winter with no issues, and also we never once needed the heater, even when temps fell below 40°. So these are good things to know going forward. 

It occurred to me on this trip that I need to pay more attention to our spring break trip coming up at the end of the month - I rented an rv last fall, and booked two nights at a special Death Valley star camp, but beyond that I’ve left us with just some boondocking and no actual activities. While it’ll take us out of our way quite a bit, I’m considering booking a stay at the hot springs rv park we stayed at a couple of years ago - it has an amazing warm pool we can swim in at night, and they rent atvs which is something we’ve been wanting to try for ages. If it were just me, I’d be content to boondock in the Mojave National Preserve and stare into space for hours; but these boys need more stimulation. I don’t want them to be bored and hate these trips. They’re already complaining about going to our cabin (well, Theo is - I think Bobby’s more content with peace and quiet), which was something I had dreaded. So I may fork out a few hundred extra $$ just to give us a pool to enjoy and a fun day on an atv (availability pending of course). 

This week is parent teacher conferences again (their old school only did one of these, in November) and I’m interested to see if the boys will still get glowing reports. It also means early pick ups all week, so I’ve had to juggle some things. Headed to my second strength training class today. Hope it goes as well as the last one.