But it was a relief to find out both kids are doing well, academically as well as socially. I feel like they’re in good hands with their current teachers, and that it’s been a good year for them. Of course, this is Bobby’s last year of having one teacher, so this era comes to a close soon. It’s weird to think of Theo being at this school for two more years, by himself. I’m going to do my best not to completely check out of this school emotionally after Bobby leaves, which is something I have a tendency to do when it comes to transitioning to new places. Theo still needs me to be present for whatever is going on for him in 5th and 6th grade, even when Bobby’s new life as a junior high schooler will be a big learning curve for us all.
Theo turns ten in just a few days. It’s weird to think I can no longer call myself “a mother of young children”. They’re more or less “tweens” now - not little, but not grown, either. Neither have had any dramatic growth spurts. They’re both still shorter than me, with smaller feet, and are still very much children, with tunnel vision for everything video games, zero interest in girls, and mainly focused on how to get more candy and not have to do homework. Their room is still full of stuffies and impossibly outgrown childhood furniture (this is a project I desperately need to tackle, but am overwhelmed by).
Tonight we finally celebrate the H’s birthday at an as yet undetermined restaurant. I had reservations on his actual birthday on Tuesday, but as is typical, he had me cancel it because he had to work. I felt some type of way about that, but almost immediately two major earthquakes took over my business life. One was, despite what I’d been told and had come to believe, the shenanigans with the hotel have returned to haunt me - once again, we’re six months out, my room block has sold out, and the hotel will only add more rooms if they can charge almost $100 extra per night above my group rate. So much for “working with me”. I went on a mad rant to my contact over there, and talked it over with several friends, but determined a few things I’m just going to have to live with, mainly, that they are under zero obligation, contractually, to provide me with more cut rate rooms. Yes, in the past they’ve always given me more rooms with zero qualms, so that’s what I’m used to, but everything has changed post-pandemic. And even pre-pandemic, honestly, since they did a major renovation in 2019 (and almost didn’t finish in time, leaving me with no ballroom space potentially, lest we forget that dumpster fire) and I think had been positioning themselves to be a luxury hotel even back then. My days of cheap rooms and an accommodating staff were numbered even then but I didn’t know it. I don’t have much choice at this point but to do what I ended up doing last year, which was just be honest and tell people we’re sold out and I can’t help. Honestly, people got it. I do feel that not having affordable rooms impacted my turnout - and I’m worried that will negatively affect me again this year - but I also can’t in good conscience offer up rooms at $100 more a night and expect people not to freak out. And they were only willing to give me 30 more rooms at that rate, so what’s the point? So after losing my mind for a few days, I’ve decided I’m just going to post that our block is sold out and that’s it. Everyone’s just going to have to figure it out.
In the meantime, in a moment of spite, I made an appointment for next Monday to tour the Hyatt next door. They’ve been courting me for some time, and even though I’m 90% sure the space won’t work for me, I feel I owe it to myself to explore options. Also, it will be educational for me to see what the going offer is from hotels these days, so I have realistic expectations. At this point I feel like my head is stuck in 2015 and I need to accept that this whole business model has changed, and not for the better. I’m also under the gun to re-negotiate my 2025 contract at my current hotel to add Thursday night, and I might as well work on upcoming years at the same time, and I want to know what to expect and if there are or aren’t better deals out there. I feel like I’m in a long-term marriage and am feeling unappreciated and looking to step out - only to, most likely, discover that there’s nothing better out there. That’s my prediction. But I have to try so I can at least say I did.
The other big earthquake is yet another dancer I had trusted and thought was a good guy (well, to be honest, I felt like he could go either way) has been accused of SA and various other problematic behaviors at my event and others, and there’s a group of us trying to figure out how to handle it, which has taken all of our time and emotional energy the last few days. How it affects me is I have to figure out how to handle his potential attendance at my event (he already paid), and he’s running an event that my band is playing in a couple of months and I have to decide if we should pull out (probably). It’s a huge mess, and my heart goes out to the women who have watched us all embrace him and help him and give him special recognition when the whole time he was just a creep (with an alcohol problem, which I knew nothing about). It must have been so infuriating. Well, this guy knows how to present his best self to certain people. I’m wary of men like that these days - because I’m the one with all the power, these guys tend to love bomb me to get me on their side so when all the allegations come out I’ll back them. Joke’s on them - I’m well versed in narcissistic behavior and cult tactics, so when the allegations inevitably come to light, I believe the accusers. I wish I had had this knowledge years ago, but at least I have it now.
This weekend’s singing gig is going to be extremely stressful because of his presence and a few other factors - I’m just going to take a deep breath, pull up my big girl panties, make some memes, and get through it. One step at a time.
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