Coming up on Halloween

It’s the beginning of the holiday trifecta. I had to remind the boys we missed a Saturday Halloween in 2020 due to covid - we went camping that year instead - and by the time Halloween is on a weekend again, they will probably be too old for it. Sigh.

I had been stressing about missing the return of the boys’ school Halloween carnival on Saturday because my band was scheduled to play a wedding, but just got word that the wedding was canceled due to the couple contracting covid. How awful for them! That was my worst nightmare with my own wedding, either for us or anyone attending or participating. Thankfully we dodged that bullet. I can’t imagine what that couple is going through right now! So…now I get to go to the carnival, but I also feel guilty that I’m not helping out in any way. I feel like these elementary school rituals are numbered, now, as next year will be Bobby’s last at this school, so I just want to be a part of everything before this time is gone forever. I spend way too much time thinking about this.

The exterior house paint drags on. They’ve been doing doors and thresholds all week, and part of last week, so it’s been an awkward time of doors being left unlocked and open, screen doors propped open so I’m worried about the cat getting out, and feeling generally unsafe and intruded upon. I find myself not showering until the evening, and not doing much around the house because I feel like I’m being watched, and not leaving the house because I haven’t showered. I keep thinking this will end in a day or two - but it keeps dragging on. Next week will be week four. Sigh. This is why I haven’t painted the house in 15 years. 

My general habits have really collapsed over the last few weeks ever since my event ended. At first I gave myself time to just lie around and be lazy because I felt like I needed the recovery…but unfortunately now it’s just become a habit. I’ve gained 5lbs since September (which now means none of my clothes fit…again), my body feels terrible with aches and pains, and I’m tired all the time no matter how much I nap. To be fair I have made myself get out of bed for rigorous hikes at least three times a week, and I get through them, but they just leave me exhausted and achy. Is it my unhealthy habits causing all this, or is it my stage of life? Every woman I know my age reports the same thing - the sheer exhaustion of life that can no longer be blamed on pandemic lockdowns and home schooling. Personally I think it’s hormones; last night’s book club was, as always, full of menopause talk. I don’t think my situation is dire enough to think about medical intervention - yet. But I do sometimes wonder what a little estrogen could do for me. Am I suffering needlessly? When I’m out and about I generally feel pretty normal and like I can accomplish everything I need to. I just feel like I’m slowing down in general. And boy do I hate how hard it is to lose weight. I don’t know. I suppose I’ll be revisiting this topic a lot in the next few years. 

October desert visit

This weekend’s desert visit was a bit of a mixed bag. During the latest storms, we had talked about how cool it would be to be out there during one. We got our chance on Saturday. And it was cool - until it wasn’t.

At first we were enjoying watching the gathering storm like we’ve done before (last time they never hit us). Then with a rush and a smash it collided into us and we barely had time to grab our folding chairs and run inside before intense winds and rain crashed into us. 

Then it got really out of hand - gale force winds so intense the H had us evacuate to the car “just in case”, and as we did, gum ball sized hail pelted down. It reminded me of our experiences in Utah last summer - a little scary and vaguely life threatening…? I don’t personally think we were ever in any real danger, but boy did I underestimate the weather out there! I figured the heat would be our biggest issue - but no. I forget how close we are to Arizona, and thereby are subject to those same monsoons. As the storm abated we had a moment of being trapped - the H wanted to drive to the community center bathroom but couldn’t because of flash flooding on our little dirt road. I wondered if we’d be trapped for the night and figured I could throw together some semblance of dinner from Mac and cheese, bagels, and eggs. Thankfully we had spent the sunny part of the day assembling the kitchen stuff I brought (much to my delight, everything I bought worked out great). As it turned out we were able to head to the Palms for dinner once the flooding went down.

I was SO glad we hadn’t done as planned and cut a hole for a window!! That would have been a disaster of epic proportions. The H also thought if we’d put a window on that side the hail could have broken the glass. Good idea to get some storm shutters. Hey, at least we never have to worry about power going out. 

A very worrying thing happened, though. We had a contractor come over - the boyfriend of the woman we met at the Palms last time - mostly for informational purposes, since he had already told us he’s too busy to do any work for us and charges too much. He wasn’t terribly helpful - as much as he was a nice guy and is a good contact to have out there, he mostly told us horror stories of county inspectors coming out and making people tear their places down because they’re not to code, and/or seizing their property and putting it up for auction. I’m starting to have ptsd flashbacks to my last real estate disaster that I’m still paying for (buying a four plex in New Orleans days before Katrina hit). Will this all end horribly? Will I end up in some extended drama with the county that will drag on for years and end up with my property being taken from me? Well, the only real problem is the height of the building, which the H and I both hate and never wanted - if we had just rehabbed the original structure as planned we really would have nothing to worry about. Now I’m wondering if it’s worth looking into taking that second story off just to avoid future troubles. The H thinks it’s a waste of time and money and I’m half in that camp, too. After all, we may never face this issue - or may not face it for many years, who knows. But it definitely gives me pause. Between the weather and this Cassandra, I came away from this weekend wondering, am I in over my head with this place…?

Despite the weirdness I have to admit I did enjoy this weekend, which went mostly exactly as I wanted. We set up the new kitchen and everything worked great. Rather than suffering through trying to put in a window ourselves we spent Sunday driving up to Amboy to walk the crater, something we hadn’t gotten to do last time we went there because it was too hot. We got to go to the Palms, and I think I *might* have a solution for our toilet issues - buying a camping cartridge toilet, which, while not cheap to buy and operate, still may be the only way to have a toilet out there (the contractor also warned us that any composting or pit toilet we put out there would be immediately overrun by maggots and flies…which…sounds truly horrible. If the kids are afraid to use it, what’s the point??). Having a close place to poo, that we don’t have to worry about being a code violation, would make a huge difference in our comfort level. 

Pumpkin patch and middle schools

We had a lovely meet up with the donor sibling sisters at our old pumpkin patch last weekend after two years off. It’s fun to see how the girls have grown and changed. For sure one of the girls is more like Theo and the other is more like Bobby. It’s interesting to theorize about, but I think most likely it has to do with siblings playing off of each other - “you be the introvert, I’ll be the extrovert”. We narrowly avoided a disaster as apparently you have to buy advance tickets to this place now - yet another post-pandemic change in policy I was unprepared for - but one of the moms rescued me by getting online to get us some as we were in an area with barely any cell service. I have to remind myself to double check everything I used to do in 2019 - everything has changed. 

It’s delightful to see kids still invested in child-like things - despite this pumpkin patch really being more oriented towards littler kids, they were all really into it, playing on the wooden trains and tractors and loving picking out pumpkins. They of course insisted on carving them right away and as of today they are completely rotten and in the bin. 

I think it’s easier for kids to be kids longer these days. When I was a kid everyone was in such a rush to grow up - dressing like adults, smoking, being too cool for school. I’m sure some kids are like that today, but with the rise of nerd culture, it’s also perfectly acceptable to be into stuffed animals and cosplay and comics much later in life; I’m hoping this will be the case for my kids. I mean, why not? When I was fourteen I was still playing with dolls. You have your whole life to be an adult. “When you grow up, your heart dies.” 

Middle school madness has begun - I went on a tour yesterday, and attended a zoom last night. In a couple of weeks I tour the eagle rock school I have my eyes on. I felt better after a zoom chat with that school’s magnet advisor - I asked for tips on getting into their gifted magnet and it looks like we’re on track for a good chance at admission. This year I applied for both Bobby and Theo. I hope I still like the school after I tour it. Pros are: gifted program, big school so lots to offer, international baccalaureate program, highly rated, grades 7-12 so kids can be together longer. Cons are pretty much only the downsides of being in a giant school. We’ll see what I think when I go there. But as I’ve been told and as I told a new couple on the tour yesterday - you really can’t go wrong with any of these schools. They’re all good. But with both kids having tested as gifted (yay) it would behoove me to get them into an actual gifted program I think. 

The H has finally taken the big step of telling his boss he needs to hire someone to do the catching up work he’s been doing so he can focus on his own printing work. It won’t show immediate results - it may be a while before someone is hired and trained - but the fact that he has made that decision, mostly from pure exhaustion, is huge. It could mean big changes for our family. There have been times this year when he’s worked 40-50 days straight, most often until 2 AM every night. It’s ridiculous. He takes time off for weekend getaways and things, but then has to work until 2 AM every night for two weeks just to make up for taking a Saturday and Sunday off. This is not sustainable for any of us. So I’m hoping this means things will finally change. 

This weekend we head out to the desert to stay in our place and I’m beyond excited. Goals are to set up a basic kitchen (build the rolling cart I bought) and hopefully put in one window. And then leave most of our stuff out there for future visits. If we can have all the kitchen stuff and blow up beds, then all we’d need to bring for each visit is bedding and clothes and batteries. I’m looking forward to maybe heading up to Amboy for their chili dog cookout. There’s something so charming about a lone business in the middle of absolutely nothing. 

Neighbors

On Monday my desert neighbor (the one who lives there full time) alerted me that there were some trucks out at the cabin. I immediately got on the security cameras and saw that there was a small construction crew erecting a shed-like structure at the concrete slab on the lot next to ours. They had it up in just a few hours and then left, and haven’t returned all week. To me from a distance it just looks like a small storage shed - maybe these people just want a place to store desert toys like ATVs. My hope is it’s not an Airbnb. It would be awful to have random people out there next to us every time we go out - or even worse, messing with our place when we’re not out there. I see the panic people feel when they buy out in these remote places with an expectation of privacy, only to have people move in right next to you and ruin everything. We’ll be out there next weekend so I’m going to go check it out (assuming people aren’t there-!).

I finally got the California grant today that I’ve been waiting for and stressing over for a full year (I submitted the application I believe around this time last October). Funds were deposited today. What a relief. This is the last of the free government money. I’ve had to remind myself of that, and the fact that I’m now back on a fixed income; whatever I make off the event is it, and I have to make that stretch a full year. I’m going to have to say no to things again and budget again. With trying to pay down the house aggressively and expenses with the cabin, plus how much the event budget has ballooned out of control, I may be in for a slim few years (especially after next year’s 25th anniversary passes). 

The house painters power washed the house yesterday, and the whole place has smelled of damp old wood since. They start scraping and painting Monday. I’m looking forward to this place having a fresh new start. 

I had a full medical workup this week, which included a varicella test to see if I’d ever had chicken pox (I swore I hadn’t) and thereby need the shingles vaccine. Bizarrely despite having zero memory of ever having had chicken pox, my blood work says otherwise. I was also pleased to see all my blood work still looks good; looking at graphs of past results, I see all my numbers were the worst during covid. It’s amazing what stress does to your body. So despite being older, eating worse and barely exercising the last couple of months, I’m in better shape now than when I was ten pounds thinner, hiking every day and fasting. Huh. Of course a simple blood sugar and lipid panel doesn’t tell you everything, but it is interesting to get a snapshot of how your body is doing over time. Got my mammogram yesterday. Got my flu shot and tetanus booster. Good to go.

My hair is falling out because of the covid in July - I figure it’s akin to post-pregnancy hair loss where my hair may get thinner but not really disappear; but it is a little freaky. I wonder when it’ll stop. Apparently it’s supposed to go on for months. 

The boys had picture day yesterday. Bobby’s wall is full, so I may have to loop around! It’s fascinating to watch their chubby little baby faces elongate and show such personality. Bobby has asked me to order him a bucket hat with cats on it - apparently all the 5th graders have started wearing wacky hats to school. It’s fun to see him participate in these pre-teen rituals. It feels so “normal” to have kids back at school again, bouncing off each other culturally. I can’t wait until they start talking about girls (assuming that’s their preference). I *promise* not to embarrass them. Leaving this here for accountability.

October

It’s October, which means my event is now a month behind me. Yesterday I wired the hotel the payment of their bill, which officially puts the event to bed. It feels like a million years ago now, even though not much has happened in the intervening weeks other than me getting the kids to school, getting them home from school, and sleeping and eating a lot. I’ve put on four pounds. Ugh. 

We’ve ordered the kids’ Halloween costumes. After much debate, Bobby is going to be the black knight from The Holy Grail (which delights me to no end), and Theo’s going to be an inflatable T Rex. I’m excited to have a (relatively) covid-free Halloween; last year half the houses didn’t participate due to covid fears. But with new variants on the rise again, who knows what it’ll be like a month from now? We also have the mid terms coming in a month, which I’m already calling The End of Democracy as we know it. We’ll for sure lose the House, which means Biden will never be allowed to pass any legislation ever again. We’re unlikely to lose the Senate, but if for some reason we do, Biden will be impeached and all hell will break loose. I’m trying to enjoy every minute of this perhaps last time ever of political quiet before everything goes pear-shaped. I’m so not ready to spend years with the kind of agitation that existed under Trump. But I have no doubt this is where everything going our way ends.

I’ve ordered a small propane cook top, a solar lantern, and a rolling cart with a metal top for use in cooking at the cabin. I’m determined to get a decent kitchen set up in there so that when we go we don’t have to bring all our camping stuff but just clothes and bedding. I’m going to go to ikea next week and buy some kitchen things - pans, mixing bowls, utensils - and leave them there in a plastic tub. 

We still have not figured out a toilet. I think the H thinks we can just build one ourselves - but I’ve looked at some videos and it looks pretty gnarly to me. If we had a full week to work on it every day, maybe. But one or two days a month? It’ll take a year to get done under those conditions. And it’ll get ruined while we’re not there and it’s half-built. Tbh I don’t really mind - I’m perfectly content driving to the community center’s port-o-potty once a day for my particular needs; but it’s not a permanent solution. I figure if we can go in two weeks we should really focus on windows and insulation so we can stay there in the winter somewhat comfortably. 

I’m forging ahead with getting the house painted next week, which also entails a long overdue, very expensive whole yard tree trimming. This place really went to shit during the pandemic so there’s a ton of catching up to do. The pool is a broken down mess - the heater hasn’t worked for weeks and the pool was full of dirt all summer so I never felt like swimming in it; I finally called the pool guy to figure out why it was so dirty all the time and he’s working on it, and the H will fix the heater with the help of the pool guy. All the paint is faded and peeling and wood is cracking; I haven’t painted this place in probably 15 years which is way too long. I hired a guy a friend with a similar house used and loved. I hope he works out. It’s a lot of money to entrust in a stranger; there were many things the last painter did that I didn’t like. But boy will it be great to have a nice clean fresh-painted house again. I’m not thrilled about strange men looking through my windows for weeks - it sure was nice not having contractors here for a couple of years. But maybe it’ll be a good excuse to get back to exercising.