Don’t let the door knob hit ya, part II

I just read last year’s end of year wrap up. I never read my old posts (at one point I did, but I never do now) but I was curious how I felt last year at this time, and how many of my predictions came true. 

Turns out I was surprisingly prophetic. I anticipated having to have a vaxxed, masked event, and how much that wouldn’t be worth it. I predicted the year might not be better than 2021 (it wasn’t). I predicted kids would be back at school after spring break, and that our spring break trip would be awesome. I was wrong about the THC cream helping my frozen shoulder, though. Nothing helped that shit.

Everyone in the world feels like I do right now - grimly resigned, vaguely angry and frustrated. What about our hot girl summer? What about vaccines fixing everything? Yeah. And right now California’s infection numbers have surpassed last summer and are heading to last winter’s numbers. With omicron as transmissible as it is, it wouldn’t surprise me if we spike worse than last winter in two weeks’ time. Oh, and Betty White died, just a couple of weeks short of her 100th birthday. Fuck everything.

Am I really that mad? Meh. I don’t have the energy. Truth is, omicron could end up being our ticket out of this pandemic, no matter how grim things look at the moment. We could find ourselves by this spring completely out of this because literally everyone will have been infected by then. Or, you know, not.

I’ve spent all week in bed watching Korean dating shows while the kids watch gamer videos in the living room. Welcome to school breaks with no plans, especially when it’s cold and rainy every day. I’ve given myself this week to just extreme chill, and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. Yesterday I rallied long enough to perform with our orchestra - a first since March 2020 - as a last minute fill in. I went in very nervous and full of dread, but honestly, it was awesome. I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s just nothing quite like a big band. I got a little choked up sitting on stage, actually. 

Tonight I have a New Year’s gig with the small band down in Irvine. I’m mostly concerned about the treacherous long drive home with all the drunks. But in a weird way I’m actually looking forward to it. It’s our last gig for a long time - we have absolutely no gigs booked at all coming up. I’m going to make the most of it. 

That’s pretty much my plan for 2022. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Will our cabin get finished? Will our wedding happen? Will I have my event? Will we all stay alive? I don’t know the answers to any of this and I’m done making predictions. But I’m just going to act as if and keep plugging away because that’s what we as humans must do. One foot in front of the other. Let’s see what happens next.

Jiggity jig

We returned home without incident. Our final day we had a pleasant beach day including some shore snorkeling, and then the morning of our departure we hung out at the resort beach. I’ve never done that before - had a beach day followed immediately by packing up and flying home. It was odd, but it worked. 

Considering how much outsized anxiety I had before and during this trip, I’d like to now list all of the things I thought could go wrong, that didn’t:

None of us caught covid before the trip, preventing the trip entirely

None of our reservations were canceled or delayed due to covid/weather/lack of staffing

Nobody drowned

Nobody fell off a cliff

Nobody was in a car accident before or during the trip

We didn’t go to bed with no dinner at any point, even though almost every night it looked like this would happen

We were not rained out

Our car sharing app was not a scam

Nobody developed covid symptoms during the trip

Nobody got eaten by a shark

Our return flight was not canceled nor delayed

Neither flight was grounded due to out of control right wing idiots

We did not dent the car share car

We survived the road to Hana without incident

Nobody got sunburnt

My frozen(?) hip was a pain but didn’t prevent me from doing anything

I didn’t lose my engagement ring

No wallets were stolen or lost

We didn’t forget to return the rented boogie boards

My car started after sitting for a week (my car has issues with this)

Other than the bathroom sink being overtaken by ants, the house was unmolested

The cat was alive upon return

So far nobody appears to have covid, but I plan on testing in the next couple of days since I have gigs starting Thursday. I’m sincerely wishing they will cancel - many other NYE events have. But I’m preparing to tough it out if they don’t.

It’s a profoundly strange time. In just a few short days, California’s covid test rates have exceeded those of the worst of the summer surge, and in most states/countries it’s far, far worse…many predict there are going to be more cases than we can even test for. Many families I know currently have it or are recovering. Pretty much everyone is going to catch this thing; it’s just a question of when. Which is profoundly unsettling. It makes me feel like the end of pregnancy again…you’re going to go through this thing called giving birth, and there’s no getting around it, and you know you’re going to suffer, and you don’t know when it’s going to happen, but it’s going to happen. You also don’t know what the aftereffects are going to be and when (if?) you’ll feel normal again. All of this uncertainty makes for a very dark nihilistic mood. You still want to be careful, and yet you sort of want to just get it over with, and yet you kind of don’t care any more, and yet you’re still afraid. 

And yet, like some, I’m clinging to the hope that this is actually the beginning of the end, that everyone catches this milder (?) variant, gets immunity, and the whole thing dies out. The F is convinced of this. The east coast NYE event has begun for the week; people respect the organizers and so are reluctant to say much publicly, but I’ve seen private rumblings that people can’t believe they actually went through with it, and that there’s no way people won’t catch covid there. I think they probably couldn’t get out of their hotel contract and decided to muscle through. I think the odds of nobody catching covid there are slim to none. It will be interesting to see what happens after the attendees return home in a few days. 

I for one am very content to spend the next two weeks more or less in bed, waiting to see what happens with the boys’ school. I’m glad that other than a couple of desert trips we have no travel plans at all for the foreseeable future. 

Hawaii, the musical

Thankfully the weather cleared up, so we’ve been able to have some very pleasant days here (still would not come back in winter, though - winter in Hawaii is for people coming from places with real winter). 

Our zipline tour was fun, but it poured rain on us the whole time. We wore some mildewed jackets they provided. I’m so proud of the boys having no fear of ziplines.

The next day we went to Slaughterhouse beach and finally got in a solid beach day like I like - boogie boarding and body surfing for hours until we were all exhausted. My thawing frozen shoulder and burgeoning frozen hip were challenging with that level of activity - especially the hip, where I’m in pain if I make any movement other than straight up and down. But those long beach days are what I live for, so that made me happy. 

On Christmas Eve I had scheduled our Molokini snorkeling tour. We had to get up at 5 AM, and I found myself having massive anxiety about the whole thing - we were all nauseated and cranky from getting up early, it was so cold, and I was worried about the kids being out in open water. So to be honest I was pretty miserable until we got out to our first spot, the crater. I was picturing myself and/or the kids not going in the water at all and the whole thing being a bust; but then all of a sudden you’re getting into your wet suit and putting on your snorkel gear and just going for it whether you feel like it or not. And once again the kids were just fine - we were all cold, but the kids willingly got in the water and had zero qualms about using the snorkeling gear or being out in the ocean. The snorkeling at the crater was meh. But our second spot I did get to see a couple of sea turtles which is always amazing. I have to say it couldn’t have gone better - perfect weather, calm seas, and happy kids. My anticipation anxiety was all for naught.

On Christmas Day yesterday we decided to take on the Road to Hana, even though we knew food would be hard to come by (we had hoarded as much as we could from the Safeway the night before). Of course I got my period first thing in the morning (at least it didn’t happen on the road). It was a looong day; the entire drive with stops took about ten hours. I enjoyed it for the most part, but I felt guilty that we didn’t get any swim time at all, and missed two of the biggest stops because we got there too late (the park with the seven sacred pools closed just as we drove up). So we saw lots of roadside waterfalls and had lunch on a lovely secluded black sand beach, but other than that it was just a lot of driving. Thankfully I took Dramamine so I didn’t get horribly nauseated as I’ve gotten on all of our road trips (apparently I have car sickness now). If I could do the road to Hana again, I would definitely not go in winter, and would arrange a night in Hana so I could spend time on their spectacular beaches and parks. It’s too much to try to do in one day.

Today is our final day. We should be able to make it home tomorrow, but there is a chance we won’t - hundreds of flights have been canceled all weekend due to crews testing positive, so I am preparing for the worst; trying to figure out how to stay here longer, arrange for the cat sitter to come one more time, keep our car longer, keep the car at home in its spot longer, etc etc. I hope to god we make it home without incident - it’s the last step in a long thread of things having to go our way. Once we’re home, I just have two gigs to get through and my obligations are over. Even if the kids get covid on our trip they will still clear it in time to start school in two weeks. 

A strange thing happened while we were at the beach. Our desert neighbor angrily texted that garbage and toilet paper and building materials are littering my entire property and blowing onto their property, and was I aware of what was happening?? She sent pictures of shitty toilet paper caught in the creosote bushes and roofing blown all over. Ugh. So I started a long conversation with her (apologizing of course) about our struggles with this contractor, then asking her if her boyfriend who is a contractor might be available to take over; we’ve arranged to meet out there on the 2nd. Then got on a text with the contractor in which he said he’d go clean up the mess, and asking if I pulled the project now if we could get some money back (he did offer this a couple of months ago). We didn’t come to a consensus; I told him let’s put everything on hold until after the holidays, in order to buy me time to talk to this other guy. For all I know he’ll charge an arm and a leg and won’t be possible. But it’s worth a shot, even though I have to accept I’ve been had, financially. The current contractor has almost all of the money, claims it’s all spent and has nothing to give back, and I’d have to pay probably the same amount all over again to this second guy. The only way this ends is me paying a fortune for something which never should have cost more than $20,000, tops. It’s a huge disaster. Still, though? I’m actually really relieved by this news - it means we can finally get away from this guy, potentially, and actually get it done. I asked and as of now the current guy really had no plans to get back out there and work on it, and fully acknowledged he’s been a disaster. The new guy may not get to it for a while, either - he has two other jobs lined up - and we may just not want to work with him for a variety of reasons (or he may decide he doesn’t want to do it). But we won’t know anything until we get out there next Sunday and actually talk to the guy. At least, though, I have some hope of this actually finishing. At this point I don’t really care if it costs more. I’m at my limit with waiting around for nothing to happen.

Hawaii bound and on

We made it to Hawaii. It was no small feat, but it went mostly smoothly (aka it all worked out). We survived the gauntlet of travel during covid - finding a parking place at the airport, getting through security and extra covid protocols for Hawaii (including an over hour long wait for vaccine screening which was horribly mismanaged and the of course white guy behind us started mouthing off and abusing the staff, after which I felt compelled to tell the staff I’m sorry people are being awful and they don’t deserve that and we appreciate them and happy holidays), surviving a long flight, figuring out how to pick up our car from Turo which I never used before and was anxious about, getting to the hotel and checking in, and even found some dinner late. I had literally months of anxiety thinking about navigating all these things, and even though there were a few hiccups and bitchy moments, we got through it as a family with our usual sarcasm and humor and I am truly grateful to get to be here (Hawaii) even though it’s been cold and rainy so far (will clear up later today, apparently).

Side note - finally saw The Outsiders on the plane, never saw it as a kid. Wow, that movie is terrible. It’s amazing how huge it looms for people of my generation who saw it when they were impressionable tweens, and shows how little discernment kids have. Yikes.

Anyhoo, so far it’s been cold and rainy here. I think Hawaii during winter is not a good idea for people like me coming from Southern California who are looking for a summer experience. The weather here is *sort of* like it was at home, ie, you just always feel chilled. But this is supposed to change soon - rain should stop and sun might come out towards the end of our trip. Yesterday we had a desultory day of hanging out in Lahaina old town, driving up the coast to go see the Nakalele blow hole, then back to the resort for some cold pool time followed by slightly less cold beach time. Everyone else had a blast playing in the waves but it was just so cold and windy I couldn’t deal, so I just sat shivering on the beach covered with all the towels. Sigh. Fuckin winter.

Today after the rain clears up we have a zipline tour which should hopefully be the real start of feeling like we’re actually here. I’m looking forward to some sunshine and beach time.

Much like our summer epic southwest trip, once again we find ourselves obsessively watching covid case counts and talking about the new scary variant pretty much non-stop. At least this time I’m not having to consider cancelling my own underway event (thank GOD), but I’m watching the New Year’s stuff with interest. Will the event in NC I advised to cancel, actually cancel, or just carry on? A similar event in Sweden canceled today, but that was by direct government order. Nothing like that will happen here in the US, at least not by a week from Friday. I think the event in NC will carry on, and I think the odds of people catching covid there will be very high. Would they have caught it anyway? Probably. There is a good chance we will catch it here or during our travels; we’ve been requested to test ourselves before performing at New Year’s in Orange County (personally I’m wishing they’d just cancel the event, but whatever. I guess I can use the money, and they are doing vaxx, testing and masks, so really my risk is worse driving home in the dark surrounded by drunks). 

I’ve resigned myself that we’re all going to catch this fucking thing after two years of vigilance, despite all the shots and precautions and sacrifices. And like everyone else, I’m feeling grim resentment and frustration. I just want the schools to stay open. But I accept that numbers in LA will get too high by mid-January for that to safely happen. I expect at least a week or two or more of closures this winter. Sigh. Maybe I can focus on not having to hustle kids into the car as a benefit of all this. The F is convinced everyone just catching this (possibly) less dangerous but more transmissible version and becoming immune will end the pandemic for good, and he could be right. Either way it seems like we have very little control over this, so whatever happens, happens. I’m just glad I don’t have to make any decisions about my event any time soon. 

Now, to enjoy Hawaii while we can.

Fake Christmas

We had fake Christmas this morning as we’ll (hopefully) be on Maui for Christmas. I have to say, it was such a relief to just have a few presents rather than the usual bacchanalian excesses. First, it was far, far less wrapping for me than usual (it would sometimes take entire days to wrap everything, which I found exhausting and frustrating), made a lot less mess, and meant the unwrapping time was only a few minutes. And, not surprisingly, the boys were perfectly delighted with all of their few presents - new robes, some board games I recommended my sister get them, Among Us plushies I had them get each other, a book about puberty, and of course the two new (used) iPads. The BF got me my requested Selecter t shirt, an apple peeler and new pyjamas, and I got him a new robe and pyjamas and wrapped a piece of paper in a large box in which I explain my failed quest to buy him a new iPhone and my plan to instead split one for him in the future when he feels like picking one out. 

I don’t think I’ve ever in my life opened Christmas presents not on Christmas so it feels a little weird. There’s something nice about just taking the day to do that stuff and knowing that nearly everyone else is doing it, too. But, this is a different kind of Christmas, and I’m all about upending traditions right now. 

The kids closed out this calendar year at school. As far as covid stuff, it went far better than I would have imagined. No closures, no infections. However, it’s becoming increasingly apparent that our luck may soon run out. The news the past couple of days regarding omicron has been absolutely horrid. Worst case, by mid-January we’ll be in a spike even worse than last winter’s. Best case, we will see a lot more cases but hospitalizations will not directly follow, and the disease will become endemic. Up until this week I thought scenario B was more likely…but now I’m trying to make peace with the fact that yes, it’s going to be very, very bad, worse than any of us could imagine, and that more than likely all of us will have caught covid in the next couple of months. It’s so hideous and enraging I just want to scream and cry. All the doom predictors were right; the woman who told us in the event organizing business to “get another career”, she was right. This thing is never going to fucking end. Even after three shots, I can still catch it, spread it, *probably* not die but possibly half life-long repercussions. I fucking give up.

I’m glad I don’t have an event to plan in the next few months. But trying to calculate if Labor Day will fall between or on the next massive surge is doing my head in. It’s hard to imagine now, with life so normal, that things could go back to where we were - events banned, travel banned, schools closed - but I have to accept if numbers get as bad as we think, that these things are inevitable. 

At least our wedding is outdoors.

I feel going in to this Hawaii trip much like my trip to Cancun in Feb 2020 - although I never could have known it at the time - like the last hurrah, once again, the night before the tanks rolled into Poland. Odds are we will go on our trip, and have a mediocre to good time (depending on weather and cancellations of activities), and will make it home safe. But what, exactly, are we returning to…?

I just hope if indoor events are closed again that I get more money. I have not heard one word from the California grant I applied for in October that was supposed to start notifying people a week ago. My fear is they’ll notify me Monday morning that I have to upload documentation to be considered within days, when I’m already isolated from my computer. I mean I could bring my computer with me - but it’s huge and heavy and a pain in the ass, and the odds of something like this happening right at Christmas seems very unlikely. 

The contractor has not worked on our place for two weeks, each week saying he’s going to need another week to work on some other project to make money to finish mine (since of course all of the money I gave him was spent on other things months ago). I highly doubt anything at all will get accomplished by the end of the year. Welp, we have four walls and a partial roof. Sigh. 

So if all the stars align, we’ll do our Christmas lights walk tonight, I’ll do my final amusement park gig tomorrow, do laundry and pack, and we’ll be on our way Monday morning. The weather on Maui looks not great - rainy and low 70s most of the time; hardly the nice burst of summer I’d been hoping. I think that might be really disappointing after we’ve been freezing our asses off here for the last couple of weeks. Let’s keep our fingers crossed we make it and everything turns out ok.

Back

Thankfully, my negative feelings about performing dissipated. I had a better time at our amusement park gigs on Friday and Sunday, for a variety of reasons. One, we got to use a piano player who was a delight who I haven’t seen since I was pregnant with Bobby (he said I looked “exactly the same”, and I’m a sucker for a compliment), another was I killed a new song I was worried about because I practiced the shit out of it all week, and finally, I sent a text to my bandleader friend suggesting we retire the sort of insult comedy dynamic we’d had going for the last few years and instead just be kind to each other, to which he readily agreed. I mean, I can bro it up with the best of them, but I found this toxic dynamic we’d created for ourselves was putting me in a negative mindset, and it was also exhausting always having to come up with snarky rejoinders. Knowing I’m walking in to a safe place where we all respect each other as colleagues and fellow artists has been a game changer and has definitely contributed to my more positive feelings about remaining in this band. 

I have my prejudices about being in mask-free Orange County and sincerely want to ask some of the people in the audience if they can account for their whereabouts on January 6th, but I also have to admit they’ve been very appreciative and pleasant and may not necessarily have harbored any fantasies of storming the capital. One more show on Sunday and then I am officially done. Huzzah.

The boys are enjoying a partial return to normal Christmas activities at school - they both sang in their Christmas program yesterday (supposedly the parents will be supplied with a video of said performance at some point - Theo sang Nat King Cole’s “L-O-V-E”, Bobby sang “California Dreamin’”). Tomorrow at 10 AM I watch Bobby in his play on zoom, some kind of Russian folk tale that he has a few lines in. They are attempting to do a spirit week at school - every day they have to wear something we don’t have - turtlenecks, sweaters, red and white clothes, etc. It’s Los Angeles, people. These kids barely have socks. 

If all goes well we will be on a plane to Maui on Monday. I find myself after two cancellations convinced something is going to go wrong to prevent us from going - apart from the more outlandish things like injuries or car accidents or natural disasters - I worry about more likely things, like one of us getting covid. Every day I make sure I can still smell and taste things. I uploaded all our info to the safe travels system; now 24 hours before I just have to fill out health questionnaires and that should cover all the new requirements. Still, with all the steps between now and then and all the things that can go wrong - getting our parking at the airport, getting on the flight, getting our rental car, getting to the hotel - I’m a bundle of nerves. I find I’m worrying constantly about every little thing, and yet everything is fine. I think it’s just a very complicated couple of weeks with a lot of obligations and new things and it’s all a bit overwhelming. 

Still, we’re at the worst of California winter here - pouring rain today and dropping into the 30s at night, we’re all chilled to the bone - so the very idea of enjoying a little tropical summer for a week, even if there’s rain forecasted every day, sounds pretty awesome. 

On mothers, performing, and holiday ennui

I don’t have holiday blues. I don’t. I enjoy this season, even when it’s stressful. The only one that was torture was the year my mother rejected me for the last time, in 2006. That year sucked. That was the only year I haven’t sent Christmas cards - to which a friend’s sociopath husband replied I was now “on his shit list”; they are now divorced (shocker). Anyhoo…

I’ve noticed I’m having a hard time getting motivated to do anything. I’m 100% sure the reason is because I’ve stupidly given myself permission to stop exercising and fasting, which in turn makes my body hurt and makes me gain weight, which in turn makes me not want to do anything. You know, the ouroboros of managing our mind-body connection. It’s cold and (soon to be) rainy and I just want to drink tea under blankets while watching true crime documentaries. And yet this doesn’t feel particularly good, either. Because I haven’t been exercising, so my mood isn’t great. And so it goes. 

I sang a lot last weekend - four nights in a row - and did not enjoy any of it. I think the cloak of lack of self-consciousness that one needs to get on stage and perform has been worn thin for me for lack of use; I’m afraid I’ll forget lyrics of songs I haven’t sung or thought about in two years, none of my dresses fit, and just in general I’d rather be home in bed watching TV. Performing at an amusement park with long hours, long, cold walks from parking lots, and random people staring at you the whole time you’re singing (as in, rather than dancing, which is what I much prefer - playing for dancers), is just not my wheelhouse at all. Why am I complaining? I should be grateful gigs are back, right? It should be the best thing ever, right? And there’s much needed money. And yet. I got home late Sunday night and just thought to myself…I don’t want to do this anymore. I talked to a friend today who confessed to me that she, too, after a lifetime of performing, no longer has any interest. Leave it to the young people - the striving young girls with lithe bodies and an insatiable hunger to be somebody. That used to be me. But not anymore. I’ve always been somewhat meh about singing with a band - it’s always been just for a bit of a lark, and somehow managed to continue for twenty years. I am nowhere near up to the par of where musicianship is now. What do I do with all of this? I don’t know. I’ll suffer through the three remaining theme park gigs (two this weekend…ugh), happily take the checks, do our NYE gig, and then we have nothing at all booked for next year, so maybe just relax in the reality that my life will soon not be so regularly intruded upon. It’s terrible, I know. I shouldn’t feel this way. And yet I do.

My mother’s 80th birthday would have been on Sunday. It’s hard to imagine Earth 2 in which she’s still alive - maybe even somewhat healthy - and somehow not a negative presence in my life. So much of who I am now is a direct result of her being dead, or at least, dead to me. I never could have even begun to get a handle on my depression and anxiety were she still in my life, and 100% could not have had these kids. Did she die so that they could live? I do think of it that way sometimes, yes. And because she died (to me) and I was able to have these kids and have a nice family life and things to look forward to, I have the luxury of not going through the sort of soul-crushing soul-searching angst that used to permeate my holidays (as much as I loved them anyway) as I watched others make nice families and have things to look forward to while year after year I didn’t, which to this day is the worst of the many traumas I’ve suffered by far. By far.

And yet the rough edges of my mother angst wear off year by year, especially now that she’s truly gone. For the first time ever I’m going to have a picture of her in my house (I’ve asked my sister to frame a cute picture of my mother and aunt washing dishes for my kitchen, the same one she has in hers). When I think of her now, I rarely think of the bad things - I choose not to, I guess. But oh, it was so raw for so long. Many years. I couldn’t say her name, see her face, or her handwriting. I had to pretend she never existed, even though without her, neither would I. I can still conjure up a tear for her if I try. But that one year I decided to take Mother’s Day back from her, I started the process of taking everything back. She doesn’t get this Christmas, or this wedding, or these kids. I very intentionally built all this to have something that was just mine. And I have succeeded. 

Vaxxed and ready to rumble

The kids got their second shot yesterday. Theo surprisingly had a complete freak out, which ended in me and Bobby literally holding him down in order to get the needle in. I haven’t had to do that in many years, so I had yet another moment of reflection about how hard things used to be as opposed to how easy they are now. I’m not sure what spooked him; I think last time they went in with the ignorance of not having had a shot in a few years and this time they know how much it hurts. Well, hopefully this will be their last, and we now get to reap all the benefits - no testing before we get on the plane to Hawaii in two weeks, hopefully less restrictions at school later on, and, of course, actual protection from the virus in general. 

For me, so far this month I’ve been having a pretty chill holiday season. Most presents are bought now, even for the kids’ teachers and the cleaning lady, decorations are up, Christmas cards went in the mail yesterday, so now I just have to wrap presents and make candy to disburse throughout the next two weeks. The one thing I’ve failed at is the big splurge present I wanted to get for the F, a new phone. Apparently it’s almost impossible to do this as a surprise unless you can find an unlocked phone, which apparently are in such demand right now that there’s no way you’d get one in time. And I also don’t know which phone/what features he wants; it’s such a personal choice, like buying someone else a car, that this morning I decided to just give him a certificate saying I’ll pay half of a new phone if he picks one out. It’s not the same, but it’s at least something to supplement the usual bathrobe/pyjamas. Now that his printing press is back in action I don’t think he’ll have a problem paying half. The kids are getting new (used, cheap) IPads. They will be utterly delighted by this, and it’ll be just in time for the flights to Hawaii. I’m glad we’re on the same page that the days of piles and piles of plastic crap need to be left behind us. Let’s be real - these kids mostly just want to play/watch video games. I support this at least from an environmental standpoint.

Bobby and a few other kids were tested for intellectual ability by the district psychiatrist yesterday. His teacher had asked if I wanted this testing as sort of a “good to know” measure; I agreed to it because I figured why not? He came home from school and asked why I had sent him to a “headshrinker”, ha ha. I don’t know where he gets this stuff. It occurred to me, what if your kid doesn’t test well? How do they break the news to you? “While I’m sure a delightful boy, your child has not tested as having any exceptional abilities whatsoever.” 

Two more weeks of school, then a three week break. One week we’ll be in Maui, one we’ll just hang around, and then my sister visits for the final week in January (thanks, vaccines for kids). Then…2022. While omicron silently infiltrates society and we sit helpless. What, the fuck exactly, will 2022 hold for all of us? When I think about putting on my event, or attempting to, I get filled with dread. There is not one part of me that ever wants to do this event again, especially if covid protocols are going to be in our lives for pretty much ever at this point. I’m hoping I’ll get over that, though, and back into “work mode” at some point. I’m already resenting all the band gigs in the next two weeks, despite the fact that they’re entirely financing this Christmas - why can’t I just be cosy in bed every weekend watching movies? Why do I have to get dressed up and go out and be “on”? I’ve turned into a lazy sod in the pandemic and I don’t know how to break out of it.

Progress on the cabin goes at a snail’s pace, but every few days I do get updates - they are slowly chipping away at the roof, which currently is tar papered in preparation for tiling. I just made a plan to spend MLK weekend out there to do a walk through of the wedding venue with the new wedding planner and I’m unsure if I should find another place for us to stay or not - I think it’s unrealistic to expect this place to be done in six weeks, but maybe…? I might try to find places with a generous cancellation policy.